Can I choose how my bridemaids have their hair?

[walliceandme]

Genuine question, getting married and want my bridemaids to all have the same hair - all of their hair is long so it'll be easy but one has a thick fringe and would it be rude if I asked her to have a hairstyle that clips it back? I want them all to have their hair like this but unsure how it'll work with a full fringe? AIBU?

I don’t think it’s rude, silly or unreasonable to ask them if they’d all like the same hairstyle.
Assuming you’re paying for a pro to do it and not expecting them to try and do it themselves?
The girl with the fringe…chat to her and see what she thinks, if she’d rather her fringe wasn’t clipped back, she could still leave it down and have her hair that way?
Im sure they’ll all look lovely!

I think clipping a full fringe back (aside from looking utterly ridiculous) is a big ask and beyond just having your hair put up within your normal style. The fringe thing goes beyond that.

Having said that, I think the need to have identical hairstyles on grown women generally is ridiculous. In real life I don’t know any women who didn’t just say to their bridesmaids “choose what makes your feel beautiful”? I’ve never gone to a wedding in real life and gone “my goodness thank god the bridesmaids are identical”.

When my sister got married she wanted me and the other bridesmaids to have “beach-y, tousled waves” and sent photos of examples of hair do’s to then style them in.
I genuinely laughed out loud.
I have lots of hair but it’s extremely fine, and curly and it turns to uncontrollable frizz randomly depending on the weather (or its mood). I’m very limited when it comes to using products because I have severe psoriasis on my scalp.
Dsis has completely different hair type and wouldn’t accept when I said my hair simply won’t do that.
Even a professional stylist couldn’t get my hair the way she wanted it and to stay that way.
Expecting bridesmaids to have the exact same hair on the day is a bit unreasonable and probably a waste of energy trying to control things down to this level of detail.

I would fucking hate someone telling me how to do my own hair.

I bet the bridesmaids are excited for this wedding if this post is anything to go by!

If one of them had glasses would you make her take the off for the day if you didn’t like them?

I would feel horrible and uncomfortable all day if I had to clip my fringe back.

I think you can suggest it and see how they feel (the fringe thing is a no-no though), but you can’t enforce it. Essentially you want to disguise their own sense of self and present them as you fembots? It is weird and controlling, but by all means ask them.

@walliceandme OP you haven't responded to the most important and frequently asked question: Are you paying for their hairdresser? If yes, you can ask but not impose. If no then you're a CF.

You could ask but I wouldn’t have my hair done in a way I didn’t like. Expect her to be offended that you’ve asked her to pin back her shit fringe.

This one would - it would look exactly like that, but with a fringe!
I've got and have had a heavy fringe for years. I'd feel really uncomfortable if I was asked to pin in back for a wedding. Partly I'd be thinking about how huge my forehead looked and how I wouldn't look like me but also I'd partly be disappointed that my friend wanted an army of identical fembot bridesmaids more than she wanted her friends to actually look like her friends.

It’s a bit far to ask them to clip their fringe back! People have fringes for various reasons and not just because of the ‘look’. I think it’s nice asking them to have similar styles but remember, just because they all have long hair the style won’t necessarily work for them. I’ve had long hair in the past and, whilst I had great length, I don’t have a lot and it’s super fine. The style just wouldn’t work with my hair 🤷🏼‍♀️

No, the same style does not suit everybody. I used to have a fringe because I had thick hair and it naturally fell forward from the crown. No amount of tying in back would have helped. My hair has thinned with age.

You'd look like a Bridezilla wanting identical hairstyles when one has a fringe.

Very odd request unless they’re all happy to do the same! Just ask them but be prepared for them to say no!

Step away from the fringe.

Ask the person the fringe belongs to?

Just say no?

Let her choose!

I was bridesmaid once and the bride moaned to me a few days before the wedding that she’d asked the other bm when she had long hair, but that she had had it cropped short… and after being asked to be bm had revealed that she was pregnant- bride was of the opinion that this woman should have delayed ttc until after the wedding… but it’s super unreasonable to think you can dictate people’s lives to this extent. It’s one day!

Looks fine with a fringe - in fact I think this kind of up do really lends itself to a fringe.

With pic this time

I´d laugh at you for asking for this. My hair is fine and won´t keep styles that involve volume and curls and beachy whatever styles. You want borgs instead of your friends with their own idividuality. Chill out.

I'd like to see photo-free weddings, even gathering phones at the door.

That would cut out all the histrionics about what people wear, how things look, what social media says — and focus people on actually being present, in the moment, with their supposed loved ones, while they make a serious commitment.

Bonus domino devastation for the wedding industrial complex and marriage as an orgy of empty-headed over-consumption.

If a said friend is this skinny and has a defined jawline, this might look good irl. Otherwise she will probably look like a potato with giant hairdo. These sort of styles don't deliver itself that well irl unfortunately.

Also agree. I’ve never heard of anyone dictating how their bridesmaids must have the exact same hairstyle. They are women not dolls.

Yes it would be rude! You can specify a style like loose bun etc but have to accept it will look different on different hair types! Also are you banning haircuts before your wedding? Because that would be unreasonable too