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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Feel Silly Dressing Up in Sexy Underwear

93 replies

HappyOak · 16/04/2025 09:34

So been with current boyfriend a few months and to be honest I’m not very body confident, very self conscious of my lumps and bumps,covered in stretch marks and cellulite :( I’ll only have sex in the dark ..
Last night bf texted me he was feeling horny so I threw caution to the wind, dressed up in sexy underwear and did my hair and make up..completely out of my comfort zone … to cut a long story short he came home, took one look at me and said he wasn’t feeling his best,lots of paperwork at work which had got him down and could we take a rain check on the sex ..
Felt utterly ridiculous lying there in my cheap nylon stockings etc and just wanted to sob my heart out ..
Am I being over sensitive? Unreasonable? I just want you to all know what it took for me to dress up like that because I hate my lumpy body and have never felt sexy in my life … 😢

OP posts:
onetwothreefourfive11 · 16/04/2025 09:35

I did this with my ex , similar happened to me
he is an ex for a reason

HappyOak · 16/04/2025 09:37

onetwothreefourfive11 · 16/04/2025 09:35

I did this with my ex , similar happened to me
he is an ex for a reason

I’m so sorry ..glad he’s an ex now… I’m really struggling with it, I cringe every time I think of myself lying there in my Temu undies ..😳

OP posts:
dudsville · 16/04/2025 09:37

It's been decades for me since I last did the sexy underwear bit, but that would absolutely have deflated me and I can imagine I wouldn't want to do it again. He's given you v mixed signals, but it's worth talking to him. My DH feels very uncomfortable with "sexy" things. Could your bf be the same?

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 16/04/2025 09:38

Oof. Not sure how you get past that really, that's going to impact your confidence a lot. Came 'home' though - are you living together already?

Panfish · 16/04/2025 09:39

This all sounds…. Horrible

HappyOak · 16/04/2025 09:39

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 16/04/2025 09:38

Oof. Not sure how you get past that really, that's going to impact your confidence a lot. Came 'home' though - are you living together already?

No but I have a key and he wanted me to be there when he got in ..

OP posts:
vincettenoir · 16/04/2025 09:40

Sorry this happened. I understand the disappointment.

Panfish · 16/04/2025 09:40

Is this the partner that confessed being attracted to younger girls OP?

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 16/04/2025 09:41

Oh wow. He really set you up to absolutely fail there. I would actually go so far as to just ghost this one. That was so unkind it feels genuinely deliberate.

HappyOak · 16/04/2025 09:42

dudsville · 16/04/2025 09:37

It's been decades for me since I last did the sexy underwear bit, but that would absolutely have deflated me and I can imagine I wouldn't want to do it again. He's given you v mixed signals, but it's worth talking to him. My DH feels very uncomfortable with "sexy" things. Could your bf be the same?

No he’s fine with sexy underwear etc and has told me how his exes used to wear sexy lingerie for him

OP posts:
HappyOak · 16/04/2025 09:43

Panfish · 16/04/2025 09:40

Is this the partner that confessed being attracted to younger girls OP?

Hell no he’s history!

OP posts:
HappyOak · 16/04/2025 09:45

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 16/04/2025 09:41

Oh wow. He really set you up to absolutely fail there. I would actually go so far as to just ghost this one. That was so unkind it feels genuinely deliberate.

Yeah …I mean he was the one that suggested it .. there wasn’t a flicker of interest if you get my drift… I do know how to pick ‘em it seems 😔

OP posts:
Panfish · 16/04/2025 09:46

HappyOak · 16/04/2025 09:43

Hell no he’s history!

Is this the one you makes you feel like a freak for not drinking?

or the one that ogles women whilst out?

Headingtowardsdivorce · 16/04/2025 09:48

Dump him, he's cruel.

ItGhoul · 16/04/2025 09:48

HappyOak · 16/04/2025 09:42

No he’s fine with sexy underwear etc and has told me how his exes used to wear sexy lingerie for him

OP, he did all this deliberately to humiliate you. He was being cruel on purpose to make you feel insecure. Get rid of this man NOW.

rainbowstardrops · 16/04/2025 09:51

That’s pretty shit

lemmein · 16/04/2025 09:54

Men will stick their dicks in anything so I really doubt you looked so horrendous it put him off 🙄

It sounds like he’s playing mind games. Ghost him, he’s not for you.

PacificState · 16/04/2025 09:55

ItGhoul · 16/04/2025 09:48

OP, he did all this deliberately to humiliate you. He was being cruel on purpose to make you feel insecure. Get rid of this man NOW.

Yeah, this guy is a pig. It was 100% deliberate. There’s a whole online cult of ‘negging’ women - deliberately making women feel terrible about themselves so that they believe they’re undesirable and become desperate to hang on to a substandard shithead. It’s textbook. Run and do not look back.

ItGhoul · 16/04/2025 10:01

OP, I’ve just realised you are the person whose previous partner told you he fancied 13-year-old girls, and your (current? previous?) boyfriend’s friends all drink like fish and mock you for not drinking despite you having grown up in a family of alcoholics, and he takes Viagra.

You’ve only been divorced for what, a year or so? Seriously, I think you need to be single for a while and stop dating because you seem very vulnerable and insecure. You don’t have to date someone just because they show an interest in you, you know. It is OK to be single. It is OK to ditch someone the moment they make you feel like shit.

Panfish · 16/04/2025 10:04

Stop getting in to relationships
get therapy
be single for some time

HappyOak · 16/04/2025 10:29

Panfish · 16/04/2025 10:04

Stop getting in to relationships
get therapy
be single for some time

😢

OP posts:
Panfish · 16/04/2025 10:50

HappyOak · 16/04/2025 10:29

😢

Is being single and get professional therapy to get in a good place such a sad prospect?

BlondiePortz · 16/04/2025 10:56

Maybe i am wrong but i would be turned off myself if my husband was turned on by me wearing that I see nothing sexy in it at all

Newmumhere40 · 16/04/2025 11:07

HappyOak · 16/04/2025 09:42

No he’s fine with sexy underwear etc and has told me how his exes used to wear sexy lingerie for him

Oh no he didn't....wtf...why would he tell you that. Get rid of him now.

Greenfinch7 · 16/04/2025 11:19

I don't know- this doesn't seem so black and white to me, but I am not disagreeing with everyone, just suggesting it's possible there is another angle...

You didn't feel great about yourself dressed in sexy underwear, and maybe he is attracted to you in your normal natural state, and was a little taken aback by a new version of you. I think it is worth talking to him about it (if you feel able to), rather than assuming he is trying to make you feel bad? I am probably wrong, but what is he like in other ways? Is he kind and thoughtful?