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Original poster

To Feel Silly Dressing Up in Sexy Underwear

93 replies

HappyOak · 16/04/2025 09:34

So been with current boyfriend a few months and to be honest I’m not very body confident, very self conscious of my lumps and bumps,covered in stretch marks and cellulite :( I’ll only have sex in the dark ..
Last night bf texted me he was feeling horny so I threw caution to the wind, dressed up in sexy underwear and did my hair and make up..completely out of my comfort zone … to cut a long story short he came home, took one look at me and said he wasn’t feeling his best,lots of paperwork at work which had got him down and could we take a rain check on the sex ..
Felt utterly ridiculous lying there in my cheap nylon stockings etc and just wanted to sob my heart out ..
Am I being over sensitive? Unreasonable? I just want you to all know what it took for me to dress up like that because I hate my lumpy body and have never felt sexy in my life … 😢

OP posts:
O2Arena · 16/04/2025 11:22

@HappyOak sorry OP but how old are you? Are you in 20s/30s?

Original poster
HappyOak · 16/04/2025 11:54

O2Arena · 16/04/2025 11:22

@HappyOak sorry OP but how old are you? Are you in 20s/30s?

Why do you need to know?

OP posts:
StMarie4me · 16/04/2025 11:57

Why do it then? Surely good lingerie would be better? I’m so confused as to why you’d adorn yourself with cheap stuff that you hate…?

WickWood · 16/04/2025 12:00

He sounds absolutely awful. I also can't believe that he told you his exs used to dress up in sexy lingerie? Why do you need to know that? If my partner told me his ex girlfriends dressed up for him he'd be history.

I'm not the most body confident and had a baby recently, but I feel comfortable because my partner makes me feel comfortable and its very obvious how much he loves my body, in sexy underwear or without. I'm so sorry your partner isn't making you feel the same x

ItGhoul · 16/04/2025 12:03

Greenfinch7 · 16/04/2025 11:19

I don't know- this doesn't seem so black and white to me, but I am not disagreeing with everyone, just suggesting it's possible there is another angle...

You didn't feel great about yourself dressed in sexy underwear, and maybe he is attracted to you in your normal natural state, and was a little taken aback by a new version of you. I think it is worth talking to him about it (if you feel able to), rather than assuming he is trying to make you feel bad? I am probably wrong, but what is he like in other ways? Is he kind and thoughtful?

This is such a naive take.

He has told her he liked it when his ex dressed up in sexy underwear for him. He also told her he was feeling horny and literally told her to go to his house and wait for him with the express purpose of having sex.

In any case, even if he isn't a fan of sexy underwear (which he's already told her he is), just looking at her and saying 'Nah, changed my mind' is an implausible reaction to that. Generally speaking, men don't just completely switch off like that because you wear something they don't like much. They just get you to take it off.

Original poster
HappyOak · 16/04/2025 12:04

StMarie4me · 16/04/2025 11:57

Why do it then? Surely good lingerie would be better? I’m so confused as to why you’d adorn yourself with cheap stuff that you hate…?

It’s not the underwear I hate, it’s my body.. I wanted to feel good, I went out on a limb because I’m tired of hating my body, tired of having sex in the dark, taking my clothes off under the covers, repulsing myself when I look at myself naked in the mirror.. I figured id try a different tactic …turn things on their head ..I guess I was hoping for a positive reaction, praise,desire .. a spark of something positive that would turn the tide on my self loathing but I’ve realised that has to come from within… it would’ve been a start though …

OP posts:
ItGhoul · 16/04/2025 12:05

StMarie4me · 16/04/2025 11:57

Why do it then? Surely good lingerie would be better? I’m so confused as to why you’d adorn yourself with cheap stuff that you hate…?

Be careful the point doesn't hit the light fittings as it flies directly over your head

ItGhoul · 16/04/2025 12:08

HappyOak · 16/04/2025 12:04

It’s not the underwear I hate, it’s my body.. I wanted to feel good, I went out on a limb because I’m tired of hating my body, tired of having sex in the dark, taking my clothes off under the covers, repulsing myself when I look at myself naked in the mirror.. I figured id try a different tactic …turn things on their head ..I guess I was hoping for a positive reaction, praise,desire .. a spark of something positive that would turn the tide on my self loathing but I’ve realised that has to come from within… it would’ve been a start though …

Show quote history

OP, your body is not the problem. Your body is not the thing that made you feel bad here. The thing that made you feel bad was your boyfriend, who deliberately humiliated you because he wants to make you feel like you're not good enough for him. Seriously. You are ignoring so many red flags here.

Original poster
HappyOak · 16/04/2025 12:09

ItGhoul · 16/04/2025 12:03

This is such a naive take.

He has told her he liked it when his ex dressed up in sexy underwear for him. He also told her he was feeling horny and literally told her to go to his house and wait for him with the express purpose of having sex.

In any case, even if he isn't a fan of sexy underwear (which he's already told her he is), just looking at her and saying 'Nah, changed my mind' is an implausible reaction to that. Generally speaking, men don't just completely switch off like that because you wear something they don't like much. They just get you to take it off.

Show quote history

Thank you …this is spot on! He has expressed several times he’s a fan of lingerie ..clearly just not me in lingerie which seems to be where the issue lies …

OP posts:
BlondiePortz · 16/04/2025 12:09

HappyOak · 16/04/2025 11:54

Why do you need to know?

Edited
Show quote history

Maturity level i presume

Original poster
HappyOak · 16/04/2025 12:11

ItGhoul · 16/04/2025 12:05

Be careful the point doesn't hit the light fittings as it flies directly over your head

Show quote history

👏

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyOak · 16/04/2025 12:21

ItGhoul · 16/04/2025 12:08

OP, your body is not the problem. Your body is not the thing that made you feel bad here. The thing that made you feel bad was your boyfriend, who deliberately humiliated you because he wants to make you feel like you're not good enough for him. Seriously. You are ignoring so many red flags here.

Show quote history

No honestly I agree with everything you’ve said, it was a callous move and I’m absolutely broken… I cover my tummy with my hand during sex and never once has he removed my hand … I repulse him .. clearly .. my self esteem is non existent .. I was abused on many levels as a child and young adult and self respect and self worth are alien concepts to me .. I’m sorry I come across as pathetic .. I’m just being honest ..

OP posts:
AngryLikeHades · 16/04/2025 12:27

Oh babe, that's no good. I'd think about dumping him, especially as he said he wanted you waiting.

Vivaea · 16/04/2025 12:28

Don’t be so tough on yourself. As another person with low self esteem, it can be easy to miss red flags in men and this one is waving a huge red flag. Even IF he was ‘repulsed’ by your body - which is a big if - the way he went about it was deliberately cruel. Suggesting sex and then rejecting you when he got home? That sounds like deliberate cruelty to me.

I will say what a lot of people have said to me - YOU are not the problem. HE is the problem. He clearly doesn’t deserve you. Most men would be lucky to have a woman dress up for them!

XWKD · 16/04/2025 12:29

It sounds like he wanted to humiliate you. It has nothing to do with your body.

ChaToilLeam · 16/04/2025 12:30

I think he set you up for this and he is a cruel prick. Another one to consign to the dustbin. It’s not you, it’s him.

getearnow · 16/04/2025 12:30

So he text you and said he was horny and then he came round later? I bet he had a wank and couldn’t get hard again

Original poster
HappyOak · 16/04/2025 12:31

Vivaea · 16/04/2025 12:28

Don’t be so tough on yourself. As another person with low self esteem, it can be easy to miss red flags in men and this one is waving a huge red flag. Even IF he was ‘repulsed’ by your body - which is a big if - the way he went about it was deliberately cruel. Suggesting sex and then rejecting you when he got home? That sounds like deliberate cruelty to me.

I will say what a lot of people have said to me - YOU are not the problem. HE is the problem. He clearly doesn’t deserve you. Most men would be lucky to have a woman dress up for them!

Thank you so much sweetheart .. this means so much ❤️

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyOak · 16/04/2025 12:32

ChaToilLeam · 16/04/2025 12:30

I think he set you up for this and he is a cruel prick. Another one to consign to the dustbin. It’s not you, it’s him.

Thank you lovely ❤️

OP posts:
Ariel896 · 16/04/2025 12:33

Panfish · 16/04/2025 09:46

Is this the one you makes you feel like a freak for not drinking?

or the one that ogles women whilst out?

Show quote history

Jesus! How many more awful relationships has OP been in?
maybe just try being single for a bit and stop jumping from one dumpster fire to another

dogcatkitten · 16/04/2025 12:35

Sounds rather nasty of him, rings asking for sex, then having got you at his beck and call he doesn't feel like it after all. You know what to do (or not do) another time. How long was it between feeling horny and not in the mood?

Original poster
HappyOak · 16/04/2025 12:37

BlondiePortz · 16/04/2025 12:09

Maturity level i presume

Show quote history

Sorry if you think my responses were /are immature … I’ve been abused most of my life and lived my life for the most part in survival mode … I can’t even go into the hell I’ve endured but despite this I’ve raised two incredible children and managed to break the cycle of imaginable abuse .. my vulnerability and lack of self esteem does somewhat leave me blind to red flags rat times and my judgement may sometimes be impaired as in this case but it doesn’t make me immature as you’ve implied . If you can’t show kindness please don’t offer words of advice cos they’re not helpful

OP posts:
O2Arena · 16/04/2025 12:39

HappyOak · 16/04/2025 11:54

Why do you need to know?

Edited
Show quote history

Just to gauge the situation to be honest. I'd feel it more usual for younger women to wear sexy lingerie. I assume the older people are the less sexy their pants become.

TwentyKittens · 16/04/2025 12:40

HappyOak · 16/04/2025 12:21

No honestly I agree with everything you’ve said, it was a callous move and I’m absolutely broken… I cover my tummy with my hand during sex and never once has he removed my hand … I repulse him .. clearly .. my self esteem is non existent .. I was abused on many levels as a child and young adult and self respect and self worth are alien concepts to me .. I’m sorry I come across as pathetic .. I’m just being honest ..

Show quote history

You need to work on this not keep going through boyfriend after boyfriend trying to get them to validate you.

Men sniff out women with low self esteem a mile away - nice men will avoid you because they want an equal relationship with a woman who knows her own worth, nasty men will home in on you and use it to abuse you.

Reidwood · 16/04/2025 12:41

Hi
your man is destroying your self esteem to the point where he will be in total control! YIU are a woman, beautiful soul with so much love to give, do t waste it on someone who disrespects you!