Page 4 | To Feel Silly Dressing Up in Sexy Underwear

Arraminta · 16/04/2025 14:17

Could it be that sexy lingerie just doesn't interest him? DH isn't remotely bothered because in his words 'I'm just going to take it all off anyway.' And he'd feel a bit insulted that I thought he needed tricks like this to get him in the mood.

ItGhoul · 16/04/2025 14:20

Arraminta · 16/04/2025 14:17

Could it be that sexy lingerie just doesn't interest him? DH isn't remotely bothered because in his words 'I'm just going to take it all off anyway.' And he'd feel a bit insulted that I thought he needed tricks like this to get him in the mood.

Read the OP's other posts. She says several times that her boyfriend has told her frequently that he likes sexy lingerie and made a point of telling her that his ex used to wear it for him.

ItGhoul · 16/04/2025 14:22

HappyOak · 16/04/2025 14:13

Yes he’s previously expressed how his ex partners have worn sexy lingerie and how much he enjoyed it which I always found very weird .. why on earth would he tell me about his previous partners and their bedroom attire? Weird .. so yes.. he likes lingerie .. just not when I’m wearing it 🤷‍♀️

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why on earth would he tell me about his previous partners and their bedroom attire?

Again, he did it to make you feel shit. Same with his comment about having to imagine porn to make himself come. He's doing all this on purpose. It's not you. It's him.

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 16/04/2025 14:33

HappyOak · 16/04/2025 14:16

I do believe you could be right .. on a previous occasion in bed he said he was unable to reach climax so he brought to mind an image of a porn video he’d watched which did the trick … he can be very cruel for sure ..what right minded person would admit to that? Particularly given my fragile self esteem

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No decent man would EVER do that, let alone tell you.

I have a very healthy self esteem and this would deeply hurt me if done by an intimate partner.

This is not a good man. Please pay attention to these red flags.

Arraminta · 16/04/2025 15:00

Sorry, have just gone through the thread.

Ditch him immediately. Real men, good men do not discuss their previous sexual partners. They do not deliberately try to hurt and humiliate. They don't.

Far, far better to be alone than having this cretin in your life. Don't be afraid of being alone. There's a world of difference between being alone and being lonely. And, I can't think of anything more lonely than sharing my life with someone who is cruel.

Original poster

HappyOak · 16/04/2025 15:04

Arraminta · 16/04/2025 15:00

Sorry, have just gone through the thread.

Ditch him immediately. Real men, good men do not discuss their previous sexual partners. They do not deliberately try to hurt and humiliate. They don't.

Far, far better to be alone than having this cretin in your life. Don't be afraid of being alone. There's a world of difference between being alone and being lonely. And, I can't think of anything more lonely than sharing my life with someone who is cruel.

Thank you so much .. you’re absolutely right.. I need to be on my own and do some serious work on myself so guys like this won’t hold any appeal xx

OP posts:

DefinitelyNotMaybe · 16/04/2025 15:11

A decent partner makes you feel confident and beautiful whatever you look like. Get this guy in the bin!

4ChocLabs · 16/04/2025 15:14

HappyOak · 16/04/2025 09:34

So been with current boyfriend a few months and to be honest I’m not very body confident, very self conscious of my lumps and bumps,covered in stretch marks and cellulite :( I’ll only have sex in the dark ..
Last night bf texted me he was feeling horny so I threw caution to the wind, dressed up in sexy underwear and did my hair and make up..completely out of my comfort zone … to cut a long story short he came home, took one look at me and said he wasn’t feeling his best,lots of paperwork at work which had got him down and could we take a rain check on the sex ..
Felt utterly ridiculous lying there in my cheap nylon stockings etc and just wanted to sob my heart out ..
Am I being over sensitive? Unreasonable? I just want you to all know what it took for me to dress up like that because I hate my lumpy body and have never felt sexy in my life … 😢

Urgh, men wanting women to dress up in sexy lingerie gives me the ick big time. I'm not comfortable with it either, for similar reasons, but I just find it very cliched and old fashioned. If they're not happy with my food stained t-shirts and mens pyjama bottoms, they can jog on. 😆

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 16/04/2025 15:35

StMarie4me · 16/04/2025 11:57

Why do it then? Surely good lingerie would be better? I’m so confused as to why you’d adorn yourself with cheap stuff that you hate…?

Well I would imagine she can’t afford expensive underwear … isn’t that the reason most people buy the cheap option?

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 16/04/2025 15:39

@HappyOak
I agree with others saying that you need to learn to be by yourself for a while, have some therapy, really learn to love yourself, boost your self esteem. Then next time a man tries to make you feel bad about yourself you will know inside that there is nothing wrong with you and he is the problem.

Arraminta · 16/04/2025 16:03

HappyOak · 16/04/2025 15:04

Thank you so much .. you’re absolutely right.. I need to be on my own and do some serious work on myself so guys like this won’t hold any appeal xx

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You're very welcome my darling.

I totally understand why you're internal radar might struggle to identify what constitutes a good man/good relationship. So I'll let you know a very simple, fool proof test (that I've taught my own daughters).

If the man is making you feel confused, stressed or full of doubt THEY DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU

It really is that simple. Take care.

lunaswand · 16/04/2025 16:08

Are you sure he hadn't sorted out his 'feeling horny' himself so really wasn't up for it when he got home?

Obvnotthegolden · 16/04/2025 16:24

HappyOak · 16/04/2025 12:04

It’s not the underwear I hate, it’s my body.. I wanted to feel good, I went out on a limb because I’m tired of hating my body, tired of having sex in the dark, taking my clothes off under the covers, repulsing myself when I look at myself naked in the mirror.. I figured id try a different tactic …turn things on their head ..I guess I was hoping for a positive reaction, praise,desire .. a spark of something positive that would turn the tide on my self loathing but I’ve realised that has to come from within… it would’ve been a start though …

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He saw that you had done something out of your comfort zone, been brave and to improve your confidence and that's what he didn't like.
So he punished you.

He's a pathetic insecure weasel who doesn't have the capacity to love you or anyone for that matter.

He will only ever want to keep you feeling small and insecure, and punish you every time you dare to try and improve.

Op get rid, don't let him steal your spark any longer. Post on here as much as you need to get help and support to leave him 💐

Greenfinch7 · 16/04/2025 16:24

ItGhoul · 16/04/2025 12:03

This is such a naive take.

He has told her he liked it when his ex dressed up in sexy underwear for him. He also told her he was feeling horny and literally told her to go to his house and wait for him with the express purpose of having sex.

In any case, even if he isn't a fan of sexy underwear (which he's already told her he is), just looking at her and saying 'Nah, changed my mind' is an implausible reaction to that. Generally speaking, men don't just completely switch off like that because you wear something they don't like much. They just get you to take it off.

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I did say I was probably wrong!

Original poster

HappyOak · 16/04/2025 16:51

Arraminta · 16/04/2025 16:03

You're very welcome my darling.

I totally understand why you're internal radar might struggle to identify what constitutes a good man/good relationship. So I'll let you know a very simple, fool proof test (that I've taught my own daughters).

If the man is making you feel confused, stressed or full of doubt THEY DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU

It really is that simple. Take care.

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This is everything 👏 Your daughters are lucky to have such a wise and caring mum ❤️

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PacificState · 16/04/2025 17:11

“If the man is making you feel confused, stressed or full of doubt THEY DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU”

This is 100% true, and I wish I’d worked it out 20 years earlier than I did. It’s just not even difficult: if (regularly) you’re feeling upset, confused, asking yourself ‘why is he doing this, what does he mean, does he have another woman, does he fancy me, does he care about me’… the relationship is a bust, and you need to get out of it ASAP. Doesn’t necessarily mean he’s a bad man (although your boyfriend is definitely a bad man). But it always means he’s the wrong man for you.

Arraminta · 16/04/2025 17:48

PacificState · 16/04/2025 17:11

“If the man is making you feel confused, stressed or full of doubt THEY DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU”

This is 100% true, and I wish I’d worked it out 20 years earlier than I did. It’s just not even difficult: if (regularly) you’re feeling upset, confused, asking yourself ‘why is he doing this, what does he mean, does he have another woman, does he fancy me, does he care about me’… the relationship is a bust, and you need to get out of it ASAP. Doesn’t necessarily mean he’s a bad man (although your boyfriend is definitely a bad man). But it always means he’s the wrong man for you.

It is such a simple truth.

Conversely, you can always tell if a man loves you because you will FEEL loved

It's nothing to do with what they say. It's everything to do with how they make you feel.

Original poster

HappyOak · 17/04/2025 08:14

Obvnotthegolden · 16/04/2025 16:24

He saw that you had done something out of your comfort zone, been brave and to improve your confidence and that's what he didn't like.
So he punished you.

He's a pathetic insecure weasel who doesn't have the capacity to love you or anyone for that matter.

He will only ever want to keep you feeling small and insecure, and punish you every time you dare to try and improve.

Op get rid, don't let him steal your spark any longer. Post on here as much as you need to get help and support to leave him 💐

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Bless you .. thank you so much for your supportive words .. they mean a lot ❤️

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