Is this enough calories to keep a human alive?

[Glokkey]

is this enough calories to keep a human alive?

2 cheese and onion rolls (look Ike sausage rolls)
5 scotch eggs
bombay mix
magnum

one sausage in a roll
coleslaw
wedges

Will try the coffee and shake trick. Thank you

She must be devastated. It sounds like she can only cope with finger foods.. maybe try out some small portions of things with vitamins and fibre e.g. berries/ melon slices/ apple slices with peanut butter / greek yoghurt with honey / cheese and crackers

Why would you be ashamed? A lot of people lose their appetite when grieving; I did.

it’s a good sign that she ate all of that in one day. Maybe you’ll get 2 days in a row soon… then 3…

You don’t need to be ashamed, this is your mum dealing with grief. She’s losing weight because she has no appetite so she’s eating less. You have to really be low weight before this become a medical issue

the other thing is, what you could actually do? It’s not like you can force food down her, or make her a milkshake and she’ll suddenly decide she wants it and start eating normally. It’s a process, that takes time. She’s a grown woman, she needs support but she can’t be forced to the GP or similar. I bet she massively appreciates your love and support. You’re doing loads

Is she losing weight while she has none to lose or can she lose a bit without it being dangerous? Obviously no one wants her to be so upset she isn't eating but it's more of an urgent situation if she doesn't have weight to lose if you see what I mean?

Will she drink milk? If so even a glass of whole milk will be good calories and fat but if you can you could add protein powders or even just Nesquik or milk powder to it.

What about ice cream? Chocolate? Nuts?

Yes. Processed food is fine if it's going to get calories into her.

I lost two stones in a month after my husband died. I was eating one bowl of muesli and one boiled egg a day.

What you're proposing should certainly stop any further weight loss. However, I suggest that you ask your mum's GP to put you in touch with a nutritionist.

In my mum's case, she had dementia...so I was told just to get what I could into her - latterly, she'd only eat rice krispies, little cakes, ice cream, custard...

The nutritionist prescribed Ensure drinks.

With respect, someone with no appetite is not going to manage or be attracted to heavy meals like that.

Small and often, easy beige foods are often all someone can face.

Oh yes...I forgot - the nutritionist told me to give Mum fortified milk: whole milk with milk powder dissolved in it.

Your mum is grieving and loss of appetite is not uncommon. Keep offering basic simple foods like toast, soup, eggs etc and offer gentle encouragement to your mum at meal times. Aim for high calorie, low volume foods so she doesn’t have to eat a large amount to maintain her weight. Think the opposite of diet foods - butter, full fat milk, cheese, ice cream, chips, bread etc.

It is shocking to hear that anti-depressants have been offered if these are symptoms of loss; medicating a normal, functional, appropriate human response is not necessary.

I’m sorry your mum is suffering, and I’m sorry you are too. I hope with a little bit of time your mum’s pain lessens.

You have nothing to be ashamed of! This isn't in your control. You are doing your best, and it's obviously a really difficult situation for you.

Would she eat a bowl of chopped up fruit? She might find that more appealing if there is a nice mixture put in front of her? Anything “picky” that she can graze on so she doesn’t feel like she’s having to force a big meal down? Even some nuts or even chocolate covered nuts? I know that’s not particularly healthy but a good way to get some calories into her?

I'm so sorry for your losses.

After I remember that what got me eating again after DH's death was that a young friend came round with an afternoon tea for me - little sandwiches and cakes. I reasoned that I couldn't waste them...

For the next two years, I mostly ate rubbishy processed foods. I quickly regained the two stone that I'd lost.

It's been 4 yrs now and I'm still not quite there when it comes to eating normally, but I'm getting there.

Would she have eaten curries and chili previously? Perhaps she doesn't like your type of cooking or finds it too spicy? I'd try a beef casserole and dumplings or a chicken casserole. Serve with mashed potato, familiar veg etc.

Or cook meals you remember her cooking for you as a child, particularly if there's anything she'd make if you were ill or sad.

You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, you can't control your mum's grieving response, and you're doing your best to support her when you're grieving yourself too.

When my MIL was reluctant to eat towards the end of life we were advised to add as many extra calories to small portions of food as we could, so things like extra cheese on top, lots of butter in mashed potatoes, cream added to soup or hot chocolate (full fat everything of course).

My gran struggled to eat and had no appetite.

She would tolerate a pudding more than a main meal, so I would just go with that to get calories in her. So, apple crumble with custard or cream, for example. But I would mix ground almonds in to my crumble mixture because they are very calorie dense and full of fibre and healthy fats. She might just eat that and then have tea and a biscuit a few times in a day. Not the healthiest, but needs must.

I used a lot of ground nuts and seeds in my cooking to add to the calorie content. Also, things like croissants are quite high in calories but don't fill you up too much. Croissant with butter or clotted cream and jam was something my nan would have.

I'm sorry you're mum is struggling so much. And you too, having lost loved ones too but having to stay strong for your mum. I hope things get easier.

My mum never had problem eating my lasagnas, curries, chillis, pastas etc before. She’s just can’t face a proper hot meal it seems. Everything goes untouched. The most she will eat is something Ike fish fingers/kiev/battered cod + beans

She does have a seeet tooth but I try to avoid anything too sugary. Crumble is a great idea.

Also think very buttery mash with cream is a possibility.

Thanks so much

There may be an underlying issue if there's unexplained and unexpected weight loss. An appointment with the GP might be a good idea.

Yes more than enough. But too much processed bage protein and carbs. Nothing at all cooked from scratch and very little fibre.

What about rice pudding - you can mix protein powders in to add some extra calories (or add double cream, evaporated milk or similar). Also look into vitamin drops that can be added to food or drink just to keep her nutrition up

For now, yes, junk and a multivit/min, she's on the heartbreak diet, and the main thing is to keep her fe, even if it's shit like pastry or cream.
She can eat her veg some other time.

Just let her eat what she wants and don't worry about a healthy balance.

So sorry for your losses, its such a difficult time. Please don’t feel ashamed this is a challenging situation for the whole family.
some things that used to work with my DGM when she went off food was things like milk jellies made in small pots with cream instead of milk, blancmange, custard, mini cakes, small crackers with thin sliced cheese & the odd tomato slice, cut up cucumber or carrot sticks (although I think they were to humour me!’) small bite sized stuff that’s easy to eat. I note you say she mainly drinks water but could be worth trying Hot chocolate or Horlicks you can also add small amounts of complan or similar to them to help with calories.
Also would your children be able to ‘help’ as is ‘granny I brought you this sandwich’ even if just delivering it, all my DGPs would eat more for the DGC than their Dcs. My DM says it was the same with her DGM!!
I do understand this is adding to your workload though.
A few weeks/months of beige food aren’t going to hurt in the long term, and Anti depressants often are several weeks to build to a therapeutic level.
sending you hugs this can be so hard.

I’ve not seen Bombay mix in years. Didn’t even know it was still a thing.

You’re doing a great job, OP. There are some good ideas here. I’d be tempted to add things like fruit or crudités with dips for fibre and calories. For more calories, maybe a little pudding with custard.