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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find this bizarre? Friend and soap

593 replies

SplodgePocket · 15/04/2025 18:56

A friend came around earlier as I had a half day. Before she left, she said she was just popping to the loo. I then heard her call a minute later, “Splodge? There’s no soap”.

I have a dispenser, so I assumed it had run out and called back that there was some on the side of the bath. There was a pause and she called back, “No, not here”. I knew it was there so replied, “Just against the wall, behind the shower screen”. Again, a pause before a bewildered “No…”

I was completely confused now, as I knew very well it was there. I went through to the hall and she was standing in the doorway looking baffled. I went in, looked behind the screen and sure enough, there it was. I handed it to her and said, “Here, see?”

She burst out laughing and said, “Ohhhhh!! It’s shower gel!!” I was a bit confused and replied, “Well yes; soap, shower gel… whatever”. She was smiling at me a bit like I was a child who’d made a comical mistake. She said, “You said soap. This is shower gel. Show-er gel.” With the last bit really slowly, like she wasn’t sure English was my first language.

I was really taken aback. Who is this bizarrely literal? Surely it’s all pretty much the same thing? I thought maybe she was looking for a bar of soap and this was what had confused her somehow, but surely when you couldn’t see it you’d think “it must be the stuff in the bottle”? And even if you didn’t, wouldn’t you just have used the shower gel anyway?

I’ve never noticed her take things so literally before. Is it me or is this just really odd?!

OP posts:
BunnyLake · 15/04/2025 21:53

I’d use the shower gel because I couldn’t find the soap. I wouldn’t use the shower gel thinking it was the soap.

Iwantacupofteawith2sugars · 15/04/2025 21:56

TropicofCapricorn · 15/04/2025 21:41

And so...you get out of the shower after having washed your entire body in one sofa, and then wash your hands with another soap presumably? As the soap that just washed your entire body, wasn't somehow able to clean your hands...?

Despite the hand soaps being EXACTLY THE SAME as the shower gel,. except with slightly different perfumes or humectants?

Your response makes zero sense and I’m just as confused as you sound.
Yes I wash my body with soap
Yes I wash my hands with soap
Yes I wash my body with shower gel (only after washing with soap first)
No I don’t wash my hands with shower gel

Hope that clears it up for you

Bestfootforward11 · 15/04/2025 22:00

I think the confusion is just she understood you were telling her where there was handwash/soap so she was looking for something that said handwash on it or a bar of soap. While of course shower gel can be used, if you’d said just use the shower gel then it would’ve been clear.

Moonlightdust · 15/04/2025 22:00

Sorry I wouldn’t think you meant shower gel either. I’d be looking for actual soap as I’d asked and you replied where it was!

inadequatepillow · 15/04/2025 22:00

In Covid times when all the hand soap had been panic bought, I compared the ingredients between hand soap and shower gel - basically the same thing.

Hankunamatata · 15/04/2025 22:02

Moonlightdust · 15/04/2025 22:00

Sorry I wouldn’t think you meant shower gel either. I’d be looking for actual soap as I’d asked and you replied where it was!

This

Frazzledmummy123 · 15/04/2025 22:06

Your friend was looking for a bar of soap so I can totally understand the confusion, especially as the shower gel was labelled shower gel.

Topsyturvy78 · 15/04/2025 22:07

I sometimes use shower gel if we run out of hand wash. But if I was a visitor at someone else's house I wouldn't feel right rooting through their toiletries looking for some.

Blinky21 · 15/04/2025 22:09

Travelodges use soap and shower gel interchangeably I think but I'd never assume you kept your soap in a shower gel bottle in your bath

TropicofCapricorn · 15/04/2025 22:10

Iwantacupofteawith2sugars · 15/04/2025 21:56

Your response makes zero sense and I’m just as confused as you sound.
Yes I wash my body with soap
Yes I wash my hands with soap
Yes I wash my body with shower gel (only after washing with soap first)
No I don’t wash my hands with shower gel

Hope that clears it up for you

But shower gel cleans you .. it's not just a perfume.

You're washing your body twice...?

Waterbaby41 · 15/04/2025 22:16

You are the odd one - never heard of not having soap. Weird.

DappledThings · 15/04/2025 22:20

Waterbaby41 · 15/04/2025 22:16

You are the odd one - never heard of not having soap. Weird.

You think it's weird to accidentally run out of something?

CatCaretaker · 15/04/2025 22:22

It's not that people think that shower gel and hand soap are fundamentally different, it's just that I think most people wouldn't grab someone's shower gel to wash their hands, and when you said there was some behind the shower screen she was probably looking for a bar of soap. Like people being blind to the butter if it's not in the foil wrapping they expect it to be in.

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 15/04/2025 22:24

My DH said the shower gels all use ingredients similar to those in car shampoo, hence why he once made out that you could use that if you'd run out of shower gel.... 😳🤔🙈

Or, I guess you could use shower gel as soap and shsmpoo 🤷

Having said this, I'd have been looking for a bar of soap or a dispenser of liquid soap, but I'd rather use shower gel than nothing at all if necessary. Although I'd always ask if it was ok.

TokyoSushi · 15/04/2025 22:24

Not RTFT but I wouldn’t have assumed to use the shower gel, I’d be looking for hand soap regardless of whether they’re the same or not!

mumuseli · 15/04/2025 22:25

inadequatepillow · 15/04/2025 22:00

In Covid times when all the hand soap had been panic bought, I compared the ingredients between hand soap and shower gel - basically the same thing.

Isn’t hand soap usually anti-bacterial though…? (Something I never thought about pre-covid but is more on my radar now!)

Waterbaby41 · 15/04/2025 22:26

DappledThings · 15/04/2025 22:20

You think it's weird to accidentally run out of something?

She hadn't run out of soap though.

Niallig32839 · 15/04/2025 22:30

I think it was a bit of a rude reaction from your friend. If it was me I’d go oh thanks sorry I didn’t realise that’s what you meant and move on. Probably tell my husband it was a bit weird though and think no more of it. i wouldn’t think to look in behind someone’s shower screen to find something to wash my hands as it’s the norm to have some kind of hand soap at the sink. I wouldn’t use shower gel to wash my hands even though it is pretty much the same thing but just feels wrong.

DappledThings · 15/04/2025 22:31

Waterbaby41 · 15/04/2025 22:26

She hadn't run out of soap though.

Yes she had. That's exactly what happened. She ran out of soap, didn't realise, friend alerted her to it and she suggested friend use shower gel instead. Except she bizarrely called the shower gel soap.

bingobanjo · 15/04/2025 22:35

Shampoo has the same ingredients as shower gel too you know. You wouldn’t refer to that as soap and assume she’d take the initiative to use it, would you?

Poppinjay · 15/04/2025 22:37

TokyoSushi · 15/04/2025 22:24

Not RTFT but I wouldn’t have assumed to use the shower gel, I’d be looking for hand soap regardless of whether they’re the same or not!

You'd be looking for handsoap behind the shower screen after you had discovered that the handsoap dispenser on the sink was empty?

Do people usually keep handsoap on the bath?

AllTheChaos · 15/04/2025 22:44

SplodgePocket · 15/04/2025 19:03

Well, liquid soap. But it’s pretty much the same thing.

Can I ask those of you saying you’d never wash your hands with shower gel why it’s different to using it on the rest of your body?

Honestly? Because my hand soap costs about 50p whereas the shower gel is a fancy one I got as a gift and costs a fortune, so I’d be fuming!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/04/2025 22:51

ImNotARegularMomIACoolMom · 15/04/2025 19:22

Honestly don’t even waste your time most of these are bored housewives with nothing better to do then give you shit and make you feel like shit and dumb over shower gel/soap

And yet here you are, @ImNotARegularMomIACoolMom. Reading the thread. Commenting. I assume that makes you a bored housewife with nothing better to do than to make people feel like shit and dumb.

nomas · 15/04/2025 23:00

Why didn’t you just tell her to use the shower gel as hand wash?

You seemed to enjoy confusing her by deliberately subverting what soap means. That’s not how a friend behaves and it wouldn’t surprise me if she avoids you from now on.

Flutterbyby · 15/04/2025 23:00

Pushmepullyou · 15/04/2025 18:59

I would wash my hands with shower gel if there was no soap. But it’s not soap

It literally is. Liquid soap hand wash and shower gel are the same thing.