How to respond politely when people comment on my weight loss

[domebody]

I know people mean no harm when they comment on someone’s weight loss, but it’s not something I like to talk about to people about. It’s very personal and I would rather just not discuss it.

how can I respond that’s not rude/ dismissive or offended - because I’m not offended and I don’t want people to feel bad mentioning it- yet I want to shut the conversation down.

so far I’ve said stuff like ‘ yeah haha thanks, forget about it haha ‘.. or ‘ ah let’s not go there hahaha ‘..

I don’t want people to feel bad but I think maybe it’s coming across a bit awkward and mean. I know it’s a ‘ me ‘ thing, but I really don’t want to talk about it.

any tips on how to smoothly move the conversation on without making the person feel bad / look like an idiot to them for not wanting to chat about it ?

I really think you just need to say "Thanks - and <other conversation>"

The answers you are giving sound a bit sinister, like you might have cancer or something. That is going to make people ask more questions because it's almost like you want them to pursue the subject.

You’re assuming that everyone is happy with weight loss.

I was raised not to comment on people’s bodies as the height of rudeness. If you want to pay a compliment then comment on something they have chosen - a nice dress or bag or hairstyle.

Weight loss is not universally good. I went from low end normal to seriously underweight due to illness for some time and frankly having crass idiots commenting endlessly on my body, telling me I looked so well when my ribs were showing and asking which diet I used, how lucky was I to lose weight easily - its rude, intrusive and innappropriate and made illness much harder to bear.

Unless someone is a close friend who has discussed their diet proactively with you then people should keep their rude comments to themselves.

You've walked right into that one.

The whole point of the post is the OP doesn't want unsolicited comments.

Would it also be rude not to mention someone significant weight gain.

Weight loss can be for a number of reasons and not all are healthy

I always wonder about “ You look well”. Are people who say that meaning that you’ve put weight on?

Sit there with a sourpuss face and say “none of your business is it really”

They won’t ask again

Problem solved

The problem is not other people

I (now) never comment on anyone's weight if they haven't mentioned trying to lose weight to me at some point.

My attitude towards receiving comments has completely changed with time too. I used to welcome comments (when I was in my twenties - now I'm in my fifties) now I don't like them (if I haven't discussed my weight/trying to lose weight to that person - which is almost everyone, I only discuss weight loss with one person), especially from some people.

I go with the 'thanks' and move on quickly to something else route too - unless they crossed the line into OTT/rude...

I've had a couple of people who are not friends do a public OTT exclamation before (6 years apart - I was ready the second time) - the type where other people turn their heads and look you up and down because of it because the person has made sure to add in that you've lost LOADS quite loudly. So I am happy to make them squirm a little then e.g. 'LOADS? Wow - was I was really THAT fat last time you saw me?'.

Oh my good lord. Is there anything we can say without someone taking offence?
When I say " You look well" I mean they look well. This could mean anything from a new hairstyle to a nice shade of lipstick.
It's not an insult.

I don't assume everyone is happy with weight loss. I am well aware that not all weight loss is positive. But that isn't the case here and OP has been offered various ways to deflect the comments and move past it.

Plenty of other threads to choose from where OPs are affronted when people DON'T note/comment on their weight loss. You can't please everyone.

Smile and say thanks but I don't like talking about my weight. Most people would respect that 😊

How about "Thank you"?

Most people aren't that bothered, it's just something to say. It is obviously a compliment so just thank them and talk about something else.

I don't like it either, OP. Weightloss really shows on me obviously and it's the least interesting thing about me. I don't invite comments and have taken to changing the subject. I find it rude and intrusive. People who know me well don't do it and people who don't, have no business making personal comments.

Sympathies.

Well since OP isn't happy about it there are plenty of threads to choose from where posters are disappointed that they haven't been 'complimented' on it and would like to be.

Can't relate. I've lost nearly 3 stone and nobody has bloody noticed! Or if they have they haven't bloody mentioned it!

Your point about WLI is a good one. People will now assume that any weightloss at all is attributable to WL injections. It's unfair as many people don't and wouldn't use them.

Yet another reason why people should put the brakes on when commenting on somebody's (especially a woman's) body. A woman's weight is nobody else's business so no need to comment at all.

I compliment women all the time - bags, dresses, scarves, shoes... not in a million years would I mention their bodies.

I have lost almost 10 stone and have gone from a size 22 to an 8, so it's pretty much impossible to disguise. I hate "being perceived" in any way so I find the attention really uncomfortable. I usually just thank them and change the subject.

Although, I do appreciate how many people have (tentatively) checked that my weight loss has been deliberate before complimenting me. And more people are telling me that I look well or really happy, rather than making it about thinness.

Apart from a Nigerian colleague, who told me she was glad I'd lost weight because she thought I'd "given up on life". That would have been wildly offensive from anyone else but her sincere concern made it charming 😂

I'd just say, oh thanks, a few people have mentioned that. Then change the subject

People are just being kind. It’s a good thing. Just say thanks and stop being churlish.

That is exactly what some men would say. "Listen woman, it doesn't matter what you think, thank me for observing and assessing your body". Ugh.

Sorry but you don't get to decide how other people interpret your 'compliments'.

Same here - 5 stone down and gone from a big size 16 to a comfortable 12 and not a single person has mentioned it! I’d feel slightly uncomfortable because I don’t like drawing attention to myself but I’d quite like someone to notice (even though I’m a terrible, lazy cheat and used WLI!).

In that case, we’d better all stop paying each other compliments about anything relating to personal appearance.

People often compliment my hair. I COULD tell them I’ve had alopecia since I was a teenager and I’m actually wearing a £££ wig and I find it very triggering to talk about hair and how dare they assess and comment on anyone’s hair when they don’t know who actually has hair and who doesn’t and so on ad infinitum.

Usually I just say thanks and move on.

I’m dieting at the moment and if there are no comments or compliments once I drop a whole Posh Spice in weight, there will be 🔫 at dawn. 😀

Well you can if you like. I wouldn't randomly comment on a woman's hair if I didn't know her. I might though compliment on her shoes, handbag, dress. Those things are not personal about her body.

But if you don't understand the difference then best not. Or, just do what you like regardless.

I've lost 5 stone over the past year and it annoys me no end that people feel they have the right to comment. It's so personal so I understand where OP is coming from. A lot of overweight people , me included, have real issues mentally with weight gain and loss so I do wish people would keep their comments to themselves no matter how well intentioned.

Well I've lost weight in the past and bloody love it when people notice and comment!