How to respond politely when people comment on my weight loss

[domebody]

I know people mean no harm when they comment on someone’s weight loss, but it’s not something I like to talk about to people about. It’s very personal and I would rather just not discuss it.

how can I respond that’s not rude/ dismissive or offended - because I’m not offended and I don’t want people to feel bad mentioning it- yet I want to shut the conversation down.

so far I’ve said stuff like ‘ yeah haha thanks, forget about it haha ‘.. or ‘ ah let’s not go there hahaha ‘..

I don’t want people to feel bad but I think maybe it’s coming across a bit awkward and mean. I know it’s a ‘ me ‘ thing, but I really don’t want to talk about it.

any tips on how to smoothly move the conversation on without making the person feel bad / look like an idiot to them for not wanting to chat about it ?

I think it is harmless really, they aren't pointing out a flaw in you, that is just the way you are choosing to perceive it, if you've lost weight, it's going to normally be because you wanted to lose weight and they are basically complimenting you on your success. Someone telling you you look good, or have a nice bag, or your hair looks nice isn't a reason to assume they secretly mean anything negative.

Simply saying 'thank you' or 'I have, yes' and nothing else is an easy shut down response, you don't have to mean it, and if you move the conversation on straight away they won't linger on it.

I had this a few years ago, I lost 7 stone and had a lot of people commenting, the thing I didn't like about it is when people said, 'you must feel so different!' and to me that is such a weird thing to say, I may look a bit different but I'm still the same person as I was before. I honestly didn't, and still don't, 'feel' any different whatsoever.. so I found that a really odd thing to say, so used to say 'not really no!'

Or you could always be honest and say 'I don't really like talking about it to be honest' rather than make up an awkward response.

I just saw someone complaining on FB that nobody has commented on her weight loss. Everybody has assured her that people are jealous.

I have seen this so many times on MN and other social media pages! I think this is the only post I've ever seen where someone didn't want it mentioned!

If you don't want to talk about it, say either-yes I have or thank you (if they say you're looking great) then change the subject. Repeat if necessary.

OP - EXACTLY! I also resist saying "thank you" to comments about my weight loss. As though losing weight is automatically a compliment? I personally never comment on a person's body size, and I wish the world would extend the same respect to me. Why is the size of my body a matter for public comment? It's not!

So I say "I have, yes" if people tell me I've list weight, or, if possible, just nod and say "uh hmm" in an agreeing kind of way. And I give off "nothing to see here, let's move on please" vibes. I don't want ti make people uncomfortable but I do want to discourage comment on my weight so perhaps a moment of discomfort is inevitable.

I never comment on a person's size. But that is probably a legacy of having a mother who was - and remains- obsessed with weight and who would moniter what i eat. I live in a different country and only see her once a year and I cut out the size tags of my clothes before I do because she insists on turning over my collar to look. (It does not help that the country she lives in their size 14 is our size 16 so if I forget to remove a tag she will make a comment on 'Oooh..... I was never a size 16'. So weight and body shape is a very sensitive topic for me. I am now 3 stone overweight having dieted myself into a bingeing disorder.

Last time I was visiting she said to a neighbour approvingly; 'Oh you have lost weight, that's wonderful' and the neighbour snapped 'Yes, well terminal cancer will do that to you'.

Have you spent years complaining about your weight? If so, people may think you are happy about the loss and thus comment?

I've recently lost 30 kilos. I'm back in my home country now and all my aunts/cousins/ neighbours who have been very quick int he past to comment on how much weight I put on haven't even mentioned my weight loss. I look very different.

I don't care, i feel healthy and fornthe first time in year I've been able to travel with just hand luggage.

Congrats.

Quite the drip feed, in your OP you said they mean no harm.

I’ve had the opposite, I’ve put on weight and had friends and family comment on my weight gain. Weirdly their comments don’t bother me, because the weight gain is causing me more issues (breathing etc) so their comments are the least of my worries, especially as I know they do mean well.

Just turn the conversation back to them: "You have changed hairstyle/look great/ whatever". It makes it impossible for the person to turn the conversation back to your weight loss without being a Dick.

I ask close friends who are not overweight to start with if they're all right if I notice they've lost weight (without mentioning weight)). Many tend to not eat when stressed/having problems whereas I'm the opposite 😄.

I don’t comment on people’s weight, ever, unless they say something like “I’ve been trying really hard to get healthy and I’ve lost x weight” in which case I’ll say something positive and encouraging.

I’ve recently lost a stone. Most people don’t comment but a few people have just said “you’ve lost weight?” To which I’ve responded “yes I’ve been walking more” and left it at that. I never say “thanks” , unless they’ve actually paid me a compliment like “those trousers look really good on you”

Might it be that other people want to know how you lost weight - not that they have any right to know that at all.

I’ve lost a significant amount of weight over the last 14 months - over 6 stone but still have more to lose to be where I will be happy to stop losing weight (but I’ll still be a couple of stone over what the NHS says my weight should be!). Obviously people at the slimming group I go to comment on how well I’ve done and that’s understandable as they know how much and do so as an encouragement but, just before the school holidays, one of the people I see at school pick up every day said she’s noticed I’ve lost weight and how I look really good. I just replied that I certainly needed to lose weight for my health and thanked her for noticing.

If it makes you uncomfortable to talk about your weight loss, I’d simply acknowledge their comment with something like “that’s very nice of you to say’ as opposed to thanking them then move the subject or or make an excuse to go and speak to someone else and move away. That way, your shutting them down without being rude and they will soon forget it.

You cannoy win on MN! You're right, there are those who've posted that no-one mentioned their brand new (injection facilitated) weight loss, and those who post that they don't want comments.
Perhaps the latter is because the loss was due to purchased rather than being precribed, so more vanity than clinical imperative?

When I lost weight I'd just say thank you if they'd said I looked great/well whatever then say "I do feel better for it". Any questions I'd just answer honestly "Vegan diet, lots of walking". Heavy on the smiles, light on the words is always a good approach if you want to shut something down nicely.

Big congrats to you! And particularly for slogging it out naturally. Long process, frustrating process, but ultimately, you've done it, got the tee-shirt!
Good luck for the last leg (the worst sometimes!)!

Perhaps a choice of fetching lanyards with the following messages...

Red - Yes, I've lost weight but how dare you feel it's ok to look at my body and comment on it? Just fuck off
Green - Yes, I have lost weight. I'm so chuffed. It was hard work, but worth it. Thanks for noticing and the compliment.
Amber - Yes, I have lost weight, thank you. But I have spent our savings on injections, so please don't mention it to my husband.
Blue - Yes, I have lost weight, but before you say anything, ask me what kind of mood I'm in because I could either hug you or rip your face off.

Say 'I prefer not to talk about it' and then ask an unconnected question.

If you have a personal boundary, it's ok to enforce it.

It is impolite to talk about weight/loss/gain with anyone who hasn't opened the topic themselves.

Gracious. It sounds as if you feel guilty for having been fat in the first place?

A slog is the right word, and hopefully, it will stay off as it’s all been done steadily - the weight mostly went on due to a house move meaning I stopped being as active at the same time as going through the menopause! Having young children and being an older mum is hard enough without not being able to get on the floor to play with them or walk along the beach comfortably!!

I was working in a shop a few years ago, a regular (who I'd also see at thr gym a lot) decided to comment on my weight "You'd put on weight before, now you've lost it again. How did you do it?".

I just told them the truth "I was in recovery from anorexia before and going to hospital for weight restoration, and now treatment has ended and I've relapsed again".

Look on her face was worth it. People shouldn't comment on weight unless they already know your situation and know congratulations will be welcome etc.

So I vote just tell the truth. Especially if it's awkward.

Weight is such a personal issue and not something I would ever comment on (or really notice in others, I’m not really that interested).

OP in your thread title you mention being polite but the more you think about it the less polite I think you are aiming for. I don’t disagree!

The best I can think of is
— You’ve lost weight
— I know right! Long and boring story. So what’s new with you?

What amazes me about people commenting on weight loss is that you could have cancer or something really awful. Why would you take the risk unless you knew the person really well!

They are probably just making polite or nervous conversation, or are pleased you are looking healthier.
I doubt anyone massively gives a shit.

Just say thanks and move on.

I've lost 25lbs and my friend noticed at the weekend and complimented me. I said thanks and complimented her on the lovely top she was wearing. Personally I was thrilled she noticed my weight loss as I've worked hard to lose that much.

I don't think anyone should be commenting on another person's weight unless invited to or they are very emotionally close to you.

The worst situation I heard about was from a friend whose daughter had a eating disorder and people kept complimenting her on her weight loss. People also lose weight due to ill health and unless you know the person you don't know what's going on for them or the meaning of their weight loss.

I also think it reflects societies (and somewhat misogynistic) views of women, placing too much importance on appearance. Thanking someone is agreeing with this position.

I might just say, 'i prefer not to discuss my weight'. You could add 'hope thars ok with you' if you want to be a bit less assertive?! People might feel a little uncomfortable for a few moments but maybe that's ok!

This is the perfect comeback. I always say, “ah, such a long and boring story, let’s talk about something else” whenever I try to avoid a subject. I’ve never yet had anyone insist on talking about something I had already marked down as boring, never even had to repeat that statement.