How to respond politely when people comment on my weight loss

[domebody]

I know people mean no harm when they comment on someone’s weight loss, but it’s not something I like to talk about to people about. It’s very personal and I would rather just not discuss it.

how can I respond that’s not rude/ dismissive or offended - because I’m not offended and I don’t want people to feel bad mentioning it- yet I want to shut the conversation down.

so far I’ve said stuff like ‘ yeah haha thanks, forget about it haha ‘.. or ‘ ah let’s not go there hahaha ‘..

I don’t want people to feel bad but I think maybe it’s coming across a bit awkward and mean. I know it’s a ‘ me ‘ thing, but I really don’t want to talk about it.

any tips on how to smoothly move the conversation on without making the person feel bad / look like an idiot to them for not wanting to chat about it ?

I lost a significant amount of weight (that I regained because I didn’t get my head around the comments). I love how everyone is saying just say thanks and they’ll stop, completely forgetting that people are dicks and will just continue. It’s not just as simple as accepting the compliment - it’s the loaded insult that previously you didn’t look good. People like to tell you that you feel better and are healthier, ignoring a physical illness might have brought on this weight loss or how your mental health is. It’s the sheer number of comments, from people you wouldn’t ordinarily speak to and it just becomes this thing of being worth more when you’re thin.

I wouldn’t say thanks, I just go with a slight head nod and a “mmm”. If someone wants to talk about it, they will. No amount of politeness will stop them. At that point you’re within your rights to say “I don’t want to talk about it”. I’m starting to realise when people can’t leave it alone, it’s not about you, it’s about them. They are projecting you are healthier and feel better because it’s their own fat phobia projecting that. This also means they have an idea of the ‘right’ way to lose weight. So these people will comment negatively if you’ve used weight loss injections. They also won’t like comments about being ill or needing therapy. Basically they just want to hear you did 5:2 or keto and you’re running half marathons every weekend.

For anyone confused about whether to comment on someone’s weight loss, if they want a compliment, they will mention it first or it will be on their socials. People can be proud of their achievement and feel better. It’s fine for you to talk about it. If someone says you look well, respond with thanks, I’ve lost weight and I feel really good. If someone isn’t mentioning their weight, then just don’t mention it.

When someone states the bleedin' obvious, such as 'you've had your hair cut' the obvious answer is 'no, it shrank in the wash'
Perhaps when someone says 'you've lost weight', just say 'a girl in ruby slippers threw a bucket of water over me and it just melted'.

‘Thavk you, I am finally back at my normal size’

Or

’It has taken a while bit yes I finally got there, thank you for noticing’

’Thsnks I feel much better’

I have had this - open mouthed reaction and it isn’t pleasant. I look much younger and so they also ask if I have had ‘something’ done! And one memorably asked me if I have cancer 🤷‍♀️

Don’t say I don’t want to talk donut it, they will assume you are ill in my experience.

Gosh. I lost 2st 7lb a couple of years ago. I had been enjoying good wine and wine a little too much. I am just inside the normal weight category presently at 24.9999999999999 BMI.

I have been delighted every single time so.ebody has said, "you are looking great, have you lost a little weight". Response "yes, yes I have, thank you for noticing. I had to take myself in hand and feel so much better".

I have achieved something and people are being nice. I don't understand the interpretation that it's backhanded and the angst that really they meant that you were previously fat. I was fat. It was a fact. Now I'm not. It's great.

I say thanks and try to divert. If it doesn't work I'd then say 'I'd rather not talk about it, its such a personal thing'.

@domebody people have always told me I've lost weight, I think they imagine me as some sort of huge balloon. When they say this, I'm either the same or have put on weight.

I'd reply to them, I see your eyes work and then change the topic. I'm not usually polite :)

I still can’t believe it’s such a ‘compliment’ to mention weight loss. I cringe every time I hear someone going on about how great someone looks because it’s blatantly saying you looked like dog shit before. And I think it’s such a shallow and horrible way of measuring the worth of someone.

Yes we can all bang on about the health benefits but let’s face it, that’s not why people are making the compliment. It’s all about how someone presents and yet they’re the same human being. When my boss lost significant weight everyone kept going on about how great she looked but I wanted to say ‘yes but she’s still the same narcissistic bully that she was before…’

People should never comment on other people’s bodies. YANBU.

I don’t like saying thanks either !!
thanks for what ?? That I was fat and now I’m less fat ? So that’s now something to say thank you for ?

Honestly. 🙄

I generally only mix with colleagues and very close family so im a bit different.

I feel like if it was a colleague who had complemented me before about my hair, clothes etc then again if they notice I've lost weight then that's OK and I'll say thank you.
But if its someone who has never complimented me or commented on my appearance before then why do they get to comment on me once I've lost weight? I've always had nice eyes, they could compliment me about that now. But they don't. So once I am through this process and people start noticing, no, I won't accept their comments about my body.
I accept this comes from my own feelings of guilt and shame about being fat but I don't care. If you have nothing to say about my fat appearance then don't comment once I look socially acceptable to you.

You sound a bit too sensible and well-balanced for weight convos on MN. 😁

Totally agree !

but I know people don’t mean it in a horrible way, so I let it go. But I absolutely loathe any comments about weight / body/ looks in general.

Just “thanks”

It bugs me because it’s considered ‘ better ‘. How about fat people who just want to be fat ? Why is it always that you needed to lose the weight ? I actually saw a doctor about my weight before I lost some and he said ‘ yeah of course lose weight but you’re not so big that it’s going to impact your health ‘.

some People are happy bigger. I’m not one of them but it’s why I don’t assume that when someone has lost weight, it was always intended. How do you know it was ? Why is it considered a compliment you need to thank people for. It’s bullshit. Mind you own business.

Because being fat isn’t better - it’s very unhealthy and that’s why people are instinctively mildly repulsed by it

and yes that’s blunt because I am getting tired of “it’s ok to be fat” it’s not. Spend sone time in hospital and look at the huge numbers of people with amputations and heart disease and cancer caused by being overweight and carry on saying it’s ok ( not all are caused by weight but if roughly half are that’s a lot of people)

I think you’d be surprised though - at what level it’s actually going to start impacting health. It not going to be impacting health if someone is carrying a few extra pounds.

Being 2 stone overweight will impact your health. Your joints if nothing else! I'm a stone overweight and I can feel it on my knees. It's sits on my middle and I have a raised risk of diabetes and some cancers.

Just say thanks and move on. If you say 'let's not go there' it sounds like there is an issue which causes people to speculate.

People should not communicate on weight but they probably mean well and won't want a conversation about it. I reckon 'thanks, and how are you doing' will move the topic along.

I think if somebody points out their weight loss, it's OK to comment.

Otherwise not. A lot of people regain weight and they would subconsciously think that any comments about their loss being positive would equate regained weight as negative.

Losing weight is an achievement and it is bloody hard to lose a few stone for most people, unless one is ill. So it is not surprising that people comment on it, as it is hard to do and obviously you have done it! If you don’t like to talk about it just say so and I am sure people will respect that and move on to another topic!

That is grossly inaccurate! If my BMI is 25.5 I am technically overweight and I get into the pre-diabetes range. Also it doesn’t help that genetically I am probably prone to diabetes being asian. But even a few pounds can make you more likely to die of heart disease or diabetes. My father died at the age of 54 and he was overall a thin man but had a bit of belly fat, in terms of BMI -26. He had a massive heart attack and died in his sleep. So living in denial saying being overweight won’t kill you is being daft.

@Happilyobtusei was told this by two medical professionals. So it’s unlikely to be grossly untrue for everyone, as they wouldn’t have told me otherwise.

Not all weightloss is intentional and I think it's really rude when people bring up people's bodies when it hasnt been initiated by the other person.

I have family members who weren't public about cancer and my best friend lost over 100 pounds due to a different illness.

Her loss was dramatic, but the cause was painful.

I would rather someone be offended I didn't mention their weightloss from a diet than someone go to the bathroom and cry because they are dying and no one knows it yet and they aren't sure how to answer me.

It’s a tricky one. I quit drinking & have lost 63 pounds - I’m short so I was classed as morbidly obese. Depending on how well I know the person commenting, I might mention that I’m slimmer because I don’t have alcohol anymore.

I've been told this also, by a very pragmatic GP who said that where you carry your weight is the most important thing to watch out for. But she also said that people confuse aesthetics and health and actually the threshold for carrying a little bit of extra weight is higher than one might think.