To not split benefit payments

[TryingReason]

Name changed for this and it's a long one, sorry!

Split with ex about 7 years ago, 1 DD now 11, she has additional needs and gets DLA.

I'll give the backstory- he financially drained me, cocklodger,I gave him 6 months to get a part time job and he didn't so i kicked him out (I found that really hard), I was working FT then so I (stupidly) signed over CB to him because he was homeless and this allowed him to get social housing. He did have DD once he finally got SH so to me it seemed to work out. Skip to covid, I was made redundant from my FT job & had to scrabble about finding odd jobs - i'm now self employed. At the same time ex was suddenly driving round in fancy new car. I went to him and asked him to sign the CB back to me so I could get benefit help while drumming up work, he didn't, so I had to challenge it and it was awarded to me 3 months later. I found out afterwards he was given over 150K inheritance at the time. He blew all of that in 2 years according to his DSis. Still never earned an income as far as i can tell.

We have no court order, a verbal agreement initially for 50/50. However our DD has wanted to go to him less and less as time has gone on. I'd say now I have her 65%/70% of the time? Tbh his behaviour is increasingly problematic...i've always found him a problem but DD is seeing it now as she gets older. He has control issues

Anyway, to the point - I have previously split DLA with him 50/50 even though he doesn't have her 50/50....He stopped me at the door the other day to tell me that Universal Credit have told him he's been erroneously claiming the Child Element, and Carers Element. And he owes them several thousand in back payment. I don't know why they paid this to him this since they have also paid it to me when i've not earned enough in a given month. Now, he's saying - I should split that with him, he's sending demanding messages about it. There are obvious issues with this

1. I pay for everything. School clothes, shoes, coats, general clothes, do all drop offs etc, drive her to appts
2. He generally has her 1 night a week and every other fri/sat, so not close to 50/50
3. I am not always paid it or all of it since i'm self employed so it depends on my earnings each month

I'm at breaking point with him now. His behaviour over the years and now this. He's the same with his DM (financial leech)...I am probably answering my own question here, but I find conflict like this really difficult.

Am I unreasonable to say no. To all of it. DLA, elements of UC. Theoretically I could split it based on percent she stays with him, of whatever I get on a given month but...I've really had enough of him now. He needs to earn an income, and myself, his mother, and his sister...have continually bailed this man out...I guess my one issue is - if this does go to court, if he tries to get 50/50 back etc...am I under any legal obligation to split those things?

Is he on benefits or works?

No of course you arent

What is his living arrangements?

So he’s fully reliant on benefits?

@Eeljel as far as i can tell just benefits

@Eeljel yep

Tbh his behaviour is increasingly problematic...i've always found him a problem but DD is seeing it now as she gets older. He has control issues

i would be very very very reluctant that this man will simply push for more contact with DD so that 50/50 is equitable

and presumably that is not what you want

35%
of your daughters life is a LOT of time to spend with someone who she doesn’t want to be with, let alone one that you allude to being abusive

And his housing? He’s single?

Don’t tell me…. He’s on pip himself?

Precisely, I know why he will keep pushing for it, he has mentioned court as a threat. The recent escalation of controlling issues is as my DD has...become more independent? Less amenable? So i'm not sure she should see him at all

He's single yes....I have no idea how his housing is paid - presumably by UC housing element also? I don't see how he can claim Pip he's fit as a fiddle!

In that case, brace yourself op because benefits cut will likely mean he brings in less

your poor dd being forced to spend time with him, and I don’t imagine his living arrangements are all that pleasant

I’m guessing he hid the £150k from dwp

You don’t get CMS? Even if he is on benefits, you’ll be entitled to some, pennies! But some

He got away with blowing £150k and you didn’t notice op. He’s sneaky that’s for sure

Your daughter is at age where what she wants in terms of contact trumps what the parents want. Is she nearly 12 by any chance ? That’s usually the quoted age for judges allowing kids to choose.

(I am assuming that you’re in the UK btw- I know from SM that some countries don’t allow kids to choose until they are 18)

I suspect that he has a debt with DWP because he didn’t inform them when his circumstances changed (the inheritance means that he shouldn’t have been receiving housing benefit) - do you think that will work as a counter threat ?

No i don't get CMS. Never bothered since I know he doesn't have it - I wish I had before he blew his inheritance! RE: DD. I'm wary of saying to her that I think she shouldn't see her dad, I go by what she says and always have...another backstory, he successfully represented himself in a court contact with his son (yes he has ANOTHER child that doesn't want to see him!) and successfully argued parental alienation by her. She was court ordered to hand her son over. I've somehow managed to avoid going to court so far, my worst nightmare right now is that he gets given court access - and I am having to hand her over.

If he inherited the £150K fairly recently then he shouldn't be receiving any means-tested benefits at all, unless he had debts to repay or other reasonable expenditure. Flashy cars is not reasonable expenditure.

Does he incur any extra costs related to your daughter's disability? Does he need any special equipment at his house, for example?

If he drags you to court bring up he was claiming benefits whilst in receipt of having £150k I heritance.

@Snorlaxo Yes i'm in the UK.* *Unfortunately she's only just 11...So another year...though, you'd hope she'd be listened to anyway if it comes to that?

The inheritance was 2019-2021...and I can't be sure he was claiming then. I know his debt to UC is carers element and child element from early 2023 to now

Your daughter doesn’t want to go

so what happens when the time comes and she’s saying to you… I don’t want to go?

How is he claiming benefits when he got a big windfall like that? When my ex got his and blew it, they wouldn't let him have benefits for a few years.

Tell him for fuck off. Where's he going to get money from for court anyway?

Well you wouldn’t have got a penny of the inheritance via CMS anyway op