To not split benefit payments

[TryingReason]

Name changed for this and it's a long one, sorry!

Split with ex about 7 years ago, 1 DD now 11, she has additional needs and gets DLA.

I'll give the backstory- he financially drained me, cocklodger,I gave him 6 months to get a part time job and he didn't so i kicked him out (I found that really hard), I was working FT then so I (stupidly) signed over CB to him because he was homeless and this allowed him to get social housing. He did have DD once he finally got SH so to me it seemed to work out. Skip to covid, I was made redundant from my FT job & had to scrabble about finding odd jobs - i'm now self employed. At the same time ex was suddenly driving round in fancy new car. I went to him and asked him to sign the CB back to me so I could get benefit help while drumming up work, he didn't, so I had to challenge it and it was awarded to me 3 months later. I found out afterwards he was given over 150K inheritance at the time. He blew all of that in 2 years according to his DSis. Still never earned an income as far as i can tell.

We have no court order, a verbal agreement initially for 50/50. However our DD has wanted to go to him less and less as time has gone on. I'd say now I have her 65%/70% of the time? Tbh his behaviour is increasingly problematic...i've always found him a problem but DD is seeing it now as she gets older. He has control issues

Anyway, to the point - I have previously split DLA with him 50/50 even though he doesn't have her 50/50....He stopped me at the door the other day to tell me that Universal Credit have told him he's been erroneously claiming the Child Element, and Carers Element. And he owes them several thousand in back payment. I don't know why they paid this to him this since they have also paid it to me when i've not earned enough in a given month. Now, he's saying - I should split that with him, he's sending demanding messages about it. There are obvious issues with this

1. I pay for everything. School clothes, shoes, coats, general clothes, do all drop offs etc, drive her to appts
2. He generally has her 1 night a week and every other fri/sat, so not close to 50/50
3. I am not always paid it or all of it since i'm self employed so it depends on my earnings each month

I'm at breaking point with him now. His behaviour over the years and now this. He's the same with his DM (financial leech)...I am probably answering my own question here, but I find conflict like this really difficult.

Am I unreasonable to say no. To all of it. DLA, elements of UC. Theoretically I could split it based on percent she stays with him, of whatever I get on a given month but...I've really had enough of him now. He needs to earn an income, and myself, his mother, and his sister...have continually bailed this man out...I guess my one issue is - if this does go to court, if he tries to get 50/50 back etc...am I under any legal obligation to split those things?

@ArtTheClownIsNotAMime No special equipment needed to buy, NHS have provided what's needed, she has appts etc which I take her to, and time off school which I cover.

Exactly

So sounds like a benefit cheat to top it all off

had £150k, blew it, now back to sponging off tax payer

2 years of UC is going to be thousands. I don’t know how much you need to fraudulently claim before it’s a police matter

@Eeljel If she never wants to go, she never goes, simply put - I think i've tried to avoid open conflict/court for a few months now over this and it's reached a crunch point where i'm just going to have to bite...and if he takes me to court...he takes me to court

Then he doesn't get any of the DLA, which is to compensate for the extra costs that come with her disability. You are doing nothing wrong.

Op this man sounds truly vile

I would not want my daughter in the vicinity of him let alone staying with him 35% of the time

If he wants less time as he’s asked, accept it!!

if he takes you to court, your daughter is of an age where they will listen to her

Oh really? How weird...I wonder if he just never told them? I'm going to look this up.

So if she never goes if she doesn’t want to, how often is she really there?

OP you have him over a barrel i reckon. This one has benefit cheat stamped over him

You honestly think you can claim benefits with £150k in the bank!!

if it’s an inheritance I believe you get a short window of a few months to spend. No where close to 2 years.

do you have any idea what he spent it on aside from car?

It depends. She hasn't been for a couple of weeks now. As I say this 35% thing is 'generally'...it's been increasingly patchy recently

I know you get cut off over 16k - but once you've blown it- then...have you not just blown it and therefore they treat you like anyone else with no savings?

You get a very small window with an inheritance

but irrelevant. He had £150k and had it for much longer than the allowed window

@Eeljel interesting, i'll look into that

So not even close to 35% and likely to get less and less as she develops.

Say no to sharing. End of.
and if he says he’ll never have his daughter over in that case, shrug and thank the lord

Gently, it would be ridiculous to give him money that is intended to support your daughter when you know he won't spend it on her.

Why does he want the money going via him? If its going towards your daughters care, I'd dig in and tell him the money is for dd and if thats what he wants it for then it doesn't matter whose bank account it land in then, does it?

FYI, I was allowed to choose which parent to live with at 10 and, yes, I did move out, so her choices should be considered.

@Eeljel He will definitely not just give up access...sadly. This will go to court if he has anything to do with it. I just need to accept now that this is what's going to happen and hope they listen to DD

@SaladSandwichesForTea Yes, he's even mentioned in his latest message that he needs to pay a bill.* *It's not what the DLA is intended for.

@SaladSandwichesForTea 'FYI, I was allowed to choose which parent to live with at 10 and, yes, I did move out, so her choices should be considered.'

This is very encouraging

A) she doesn’t want to go. She doesn’t go.

B) even if she does go, it’s way less than 35% )not sure why you even say that given it’s not close to 35%)
C) he’s a benefit cheat. You need to leverage that over him and say that if he pursues this via the court you’ll make damn sure that appropriate bodies know about the £150k

If he does pursue it via court, what’s his argument going to be? I want to see my tween daughter but she actively does not want to?

His argument will be what it was with his ex, he's alluded to it already. Parental alienation....but looking at the facts of it all it seems obvious he hasn't got a case. I have evidence going back where i've said you're welcome to call or visit instead. Never does. I'm not sure he can argue i'm both alienating and inviting

It's not your fault he's been caught fiddling his benefits. I wouldn't give him a penny.

How old was his son at the time?

About the same age as my DD...not long after at age 12 his mother appointed a solicitor on the sons behalf and this ended all contact

This man relies on you rolling over op

Dont

YOU are in the position of power here

Damn well use it