Name changed for this and it's a long one, sorry!
Split with ex about 7 years ago, 1 DD now 11, she has additional needs and gets DLA.
I'll give the backstory- he financially drained me, cocklodger,I gave him 6 months to get a part time job and he didn't so i kicked him out (I found that really hard), I was working FT then so I (stupidly) signed over CB to him because he was homeless and this allowed him to get social housing. He did have DD once he finally got SH so to me it seemed to work out. Skip to covid, I was made redundant from my FT job & had to scrabble about finding odd jobs - i'm now self employed. At the same time ex was suddenly driving round in fancy new car. I went to him and asked him to sign the CB back to me so I could get benefit help while drumming up work, he didn't, so I had to challenge it and it was awarded to me 3 months later. I found out afterwards he was given over 150K inheritance at the time. He blew all of that in 2 years according to his DSis. Still never earned an income as far as i can tell.
We have no court order, a verbal agreement initially for 50/50. However our DD has wanted to go to him less and less as time has gone on. I'd say now I have her 65%/70% of the time? Tbh his behaviour is increasingly problematic...i've always found him a problem but DD is seeing it now as she gets older. He has control issues
Anyway, to the point - I have previously split DLA with him 50/50 even though he doesn't have her 50/50....He stopped me at the door the other day to tell me that Universal Credit have told him he's been erroneously claiming the Child Element, and Carers Element. And he owes them several thousand in back payment. I don't know why they paid this to him this since they have also paid it to me when i've not earned enough in a given month. Now, he's saying - I should split that with him, he's sending demanding messages about it. There are obvious issues with this
- I pay for everything. School clothes, shoes, coats, general clothes, do all drop offs etc, drive her to appts
- He generally has her 1 night a week and every other fri/sat, so not close to 50/50
- I am not always paid it or all of it since i'm self employed so it depends on my earnings each month
I'm at breaking point with him now. His behaviour over the years and now this. He's the same with his DM (financial leech)...I am probably answering my own question here, but I find conflict like this really difficult.
Am I unreasonable to say no. To all of it. DLA, elements of UC. Theoretically I could split it based on percent she stays with him, of whatever I get on a given month but...I've really had enough of him now. He needs to earn an income, and myself, his mother, and his sister...have continually bailed this man out...I guess my one issue is - if this does go to court, if he tries to get 50/50 back etc...am I under any legal obligation to split those things?