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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of being on a good income but always skint?

620 replies

Justonemorecurlywurly · 14/04/2025 00:09

I know I’m going to get flamed, lots of “boo-hoo, poor you”, and that there are people far worse off but -

Our household income (family of 4) is roughly £110-120k. DH earns about £100k of that, I’m self employed and part time so my income fluctuates. I think that’s pretty good money but it feels like we can never afford to do anything.

No holiday for 2 years.
1 car
Very few clothes
Modest house

If after paying bills, we ever buy something non-essential like a meal out, or maybe one or two items of new clothes, birthday present, that’s it, we’re out of money for the month. And we have no savings. It’s ridiculous!

We did try to move a few years back but couldn’t afford it so remortgaged instead to extend the house a little. We got the best deal we could and borrowed only as much as we were comfortable with (even though it meant we couldn’t do as much work as we needed). But unfortunately we made a mistake fixing the new mortgage for only two years and when that time was up, rates had shot to which has made our repayments considerably more expensive which really hasn’t helped.

I’m so fed up of it. I honestly feel like we felt so much better off about 10 years ago when we were earning A LOT less.

Does anyone else feel like this? Is it just that everything is so expensive now??

I know some people will say I should work full time but for reasons I won’t go into, I need to be available for my DC so me being p/t works much better for the whole family.

OP posts:
towelonfloor · 14/04/2025 08:00

@Harassedevictee I can't see it on my phone, Is this PAYE again?

U53rName · 14/04/2025 08:00

Due to the rise in housing costs over the past 20 years, due to high taxation of those earning circa £50k+, and due to inflation, £100k just isn’t what it used to be, in terms of spending power. My personal opinion is that, given the current climate, a family needs to earn £200k+ to be able to achieve those financial milestones. The goalposts have moved.

TheCurious0range · 14/04/2025 08:01

The main issue is your income, our household income is similar but much more evenly split, I earn around 65k, DH 50k our take home will be higher than yours due to tax differences and we both have good defined benefit pensions, we both work 5 in 4 so are around two days in the week for school runs, holiday childcare etc. Our major bills are very similar to the figures you've quoted, but we save £1000 a month and we've got 3 holidays booked in the next twelve months 2 weeks in Greece this summer, a long weekend in Italy for a wedding and a trip to Portugal, all 4 star plus and two in the school holidays. So there's also something amiss with your spending if you're constantly without disposable income. We don't live extravagantly but we can afford to eat out occasionally, day trips in the holidays, were out with ds most weekends although some of that is free, we are outdoors a lot beach, cycling etc.

Klozza · 14/04/2025 08:01

Fancytallglass · 14/04/2025 00:39

@paulyispoorlymy lord who is paying ONLY £900 for a mortgage or rent? Mine is £1650 for a two bed flat and I'm on a single income.

My absolute essentials come to £2800 a month PLUS food PLUS travel and fuel. So what's that, £3300 a month just to get to work basically to then pay the bills? Just for me. And before anyone asks my only subscription is with ads Netflix.

I sympathise op.

Definitely depends where you live, we bought in 2023 in a nice town in Lincolnshire and our Mortgage for a 3 bedroom detached house is only £600 a month, was £225k to buy, which is above the average here.

But it’s the rest of the bills that kill us off, car, fuel, bloody gas and electric is insane atm 😭

HelenHywater · 14/04/2025 08:05

I think you just need to work more - contribute more income to the family and then you'd have a better lifestyle, a pension, and you'd be protected if your marriage breaks down. I don't know why you are reluctant to do this. ime and imo spending on childcare now is worth it for the long term.

And as PP say, go through your expenditure with a fine toothcomb.

Otherwise just suck it up and be grateful that you can feed your children and pay your bills.

rosemarycait96 · 14/04/2025 08:09

I can sympathise a bit... our income is 84k so a bit less than yours, I earn 20k of it through pt work but I'm on mat leave currently. One car, a 14 year old automatic Nissan which we own outright. No holidays except driving to visit family and stay with them. We barely afford our (extortionate) mortgage on a 3 bed terrace we've desperately been trying to sell for nearly a year. It's a very old house with some quirks and a pervasive damp and rat issue and it's eating me (and our house, and our finances) alive.

Childcare for our eldest eats up half my salary, when I go back to work, Childcare for our youngest will eat up the other half.

The same as you, I thought once we owned a house, earned a certain amount of money etc, we'd have it made. Absolutely not in today's economy! We've concluded that an increase in income is the only way we're going to deal with this.

Fleurchamp · 14/04/2025 08:09

Harassedevictee · 14/04/2025 07:53

I have said it before on threads there are a number of factors why people on a good salary feel like this.

  1. Place in your life cycle - mortgages, children, extensions etc is the most expensive time of your life.
  2. Debt - it can eat money
  3. False comparison - assuming everyone else is debt free when they have big houses, nice cars and holidays.
  4. Generational wealth being passed down. I would rather have my parents than £, so I don’t begrudge people who inherit young as they have lost something irreplaceable.
£900 on a mortgage becomes £900 to save once it is paid off.

This^

We have a high income but the lifestyle it affords nowadays just isn't the same as 10yrs ago, markedly so.

Comparison is the thief of joy etc.

Holidays, OP most likely can afford a holiday but it probably just isn't the holiday they would expect on that income.
Rinse and repeat re house decor, car, clothes...

towelonfloor · 14/04/2025 08:09

Due to the rise in housing costs over the past 20 years, due to high taxation of those earning circa £50k+, and due to inflation, £100k just isn’t what it used to be, in terms of spending power.

Absolutely

Inflation wise 100k is the equivalent to 80k 5 years & 65k in 2010.

Napface · 14/04/2025 08:10

Haven't rtft but the bottom line is we (and many other people) earn less than half of your joint income and we still manage to go away for a week every year (all be it in the uk) and save a modest amount so you have definitely gone wrong somewhere along the line. It's not a dig at you op but these threads always have reams of replies lamenting how expensive everything is. It's the same for everyone, yet we're still managing on much less, so the issue must lay with your spending.

Wildehorses · 14/04/2025 08:10

You are basically living off one income, not ideal in this day and age and risky too ,,, when my husband was made redundant, I became the main breadwinner …the only way out of this is to go back to work full time or move to a much cheaper area?

towelonfloor · 14/04/2025 08:11

Otherwise just suck it up and be grateful that you can feed your children and pay your bills.

Yep, don't hope for me 🙄

Whatsitreallylike · 14/04/2025 08:14

@ £100k and £20k, you’ll have a take home pay of roughly £7k pm (depending on pension cont’s)

Mortgage of £1.9k and other bills, so probably c£3.5 - £4k total bills and food. What are you doing with the remaining £3k?

We have the same bills, same mortgage @ £1,900, your situation doesn’t make huge sense to me unless you have massive finance costs / loans / car leases?

fuzzybrains · 14/04/2025 08:14

There are threads like this almost daily and they always end up the same- polarised.

@Justonemorecurlywurly It would be better if you listed all your outgoings and asked for advice on how to economise.

I'm in a 4-bed house and we have the heating on quite a bit (timer set at 7am-10pm and on a thermostat.)
Our bills are less than £200 a month for all gas/electric- yours seem high.

Likewise, when we had a water meter installed our bills went down from £600 a year so yours seem very high.

Your mortgage is high. I have friends on a similar income and their mortgage is around £1200 a month.

You're quite 'over mortgaged' for your income.

Can you list all your essential outgoings and that makes it easier to see this in context?

There could be things like finance for cars, subs for TV, mobile phones etc etc. that are eating up your income.

Sofiewoo · 14/04/2025 08:15

Napface · 14/04/2025 08:10

Haven't rtft but the bottom line is we (and many other people) earn less than half of your joint income and we still manage to go away for a week every year (all be it in the uk) and save a modest amount so you have definitely gone wrong somewhere along the line. It's not a dig at you op but these threads always have reams of replies lamenting how expensive everything is. It's the same for everyone, yet we're still managing on much less, so the issue must lay with your spending.

I bet your take home is not actually less than half though.

fuzzybrains · 14/04/2025 08:15

Whatsitreallylike · 14/04/2025 08:14

@ £100k and £20k, you’ll have a take home pay of roughly £7k pm (depending on pension cont’s)

Mortgage of £1.9k and other bills, so probably c£3.5 - £4k total bills and food. What are you doing with the remaining £3k?

We have the same bills, same mortgage @ £1,900, your situation doesn’t make huge sense to me unless you have massive finance costs / loans / car leases?

That net income sounds too high- have you checked it?
You need to do each separately- tax on the highest earner, and the lowest. I don't think it's anything like £7K net.

MidnightPatrol · 14/04/2025 08:16

towelonfloor · 14/04/2025 08:09

Due to the rise in housing costs over the past 20 years, due to high taxation of those earning circa £50k+, and due to inflation, £100k just isn’t what it used to be, in terms of spending power.

Absolutely

Inflation wise 100k is the equivalent to 80k 5 years & 65k in 2010.

We seem to have fixated on £100k as ‘incredibly wealthy’ (probably because it’s a six figure number), but this has been the case for 30 years.

I don’t know how we move past that, even the government are in cahoots with their 60% tax rate at £100k (which was introduced in 2009).

Bjorkdidit · 14/04/2025 08:17

I calculated with the DH on £100k, 5% pension and a student loan and got £5k, and added on £1k pm as a low average for the OP, so unlikely to be an overestimate.

Daisydiary · 14/04/2025 08:18

I get you, OP! We’re similar to you but there’s always a bit of a juggle and I have to plan. All essentials, including monthly savings towards next year’s big bills, amount to almost £5K. £2K of that is mortgage and council tax. About £1K each month for food/shoes/clothes/haircuts etc. The other £2K is bills, savings towards next year’s bills. Essentially, on the salaries we’re on, I would expect more spare cash. But the cost of everything has gone up so much, it’s crazy. Any pay rise is way behind the amount our bills increase by annually. We do save some that is over for holidays but again, they’re a lot more than they used to be. A £3K family holiday three years ago is now £5K! I am always creative but I’m having to be very creative these days!

MidnightPatrol · 14/04/2025 08:18

@fuzzybrains ”Your mortgage is high. I have friends on a similar income and their mortgage is around £1200 a month. You're quite 'over mortgaged' for your income.”

£1400 a month is £250k at 5%.

towelonfloor · 14/04/2025 08:19

You're quite 'over mortgaged' for your income.

Based on what?

Fleurchamp · 14/04/2025 08:20

And I don't think lower earners quite understand the tax/ benefit implications for high earners - they see a headline six figure salary and automatically think "rich!".

Someone with two kids earning earning £50k/ year will take home almost 50% of someone in the same position earning £150k plus they get tax free childcare.

Higher earners prop up the welfare system and at the moment they just don't feel the benefit of working harder - the £100k tax trap for example, loads of my friends contort their salaries (work PT, take unpaid leave, make huge pension contributions) to avoid the 60% marginal rate and loss of tax free childcare. How does that make the economy grow?

Whatsitreallylike · 14/04/2025 08:20

fuzzybrains · 14/04/2025 08:15

That net income sounds too high- have you checked it?
You need to do each separately- tax on the highest earner, and the lowest. I don't think it's anything like £7K net.

Show quote history

Yes I have. It helps that I earn £100k a year and my take home is £5,700. Assume a bit over a grand for the OP and you’re not far from £7k.

towelonfloor · 14/04/2025 08:20

I know on MNs it's normal to earn 100k but only borrow twice your salary mortgage wise but for many in the real world that's unrealistic and again often it's cheaper to pay a mortgage than rent.

Bjorkdidit · 14/04/2025 08:20

Daisydiary · 14/04/2025 08:18

I get you, OP! We’re similar to you but there’s always a bit of a juggle and I have to plan. All essentials, including monthly savings towards next year’s big bills, amount to almost £5K. £2K of that is mortgage and council tax. About £1K each month for food/shoes/clothes/haircuts etc. The other £2K is bills, savings towards next year’s bills. Essentially, on the salaries we’re on, I would expect more spare cash. But the cost of everything has gone up so much, it’s crazy. Any pay rise is way behind the amount our bills increase by annually. We do save some that is over for holidays but again, they’re a lot more than they used to be. A £3K family holiday three years ago is now £5K! I am always creative but I’m having to be very creative these days!

So are we talking about the MN definition of struggling/skint, ie unable spend on anything you want without thinking rather than actual skint ie looking down the sofa for coins to buy bread and hiding from the bailiffs?

Newusername3kidss · 14/04/2025 08:20

I’m genuinely baffled by posts like this - we have a similar income and have a big house with no mortgage, go on multiple holidays a year and kids are in private school.

however we did buy a proper do-er upper house 15 years ago when we were not as wealthy and have extended and refurbished over the last 10 years. We are extremely frugal in other ways and know how every single penny is spent. Our priority was always paying off the mortgage as soon as possible and we did loads of the work on the house ourselves. I don’t understand how you are spending your money.