To be fed up of being on a good income but always skint?

[Justonemorecurlywurly]

I know I’m going to get flamed, lots of “boo-hoo, poor you”, and that there are people far worse off but -

Our household income (family of 4) is roughly £110-120k. DH earns about £100k of that, I’m self employed and part time so my income fluctuates. I think that’s pretty good money but it feels like we can never afford to do anything.

No holiday for 2 years.
1 car
Very few clothes
Modest house

If after paying bills, we ever buy something non-essential like a meal out, or maybe one or two items of new clothes, birthday present, that’s it, we’re out of money for the month. And we have no savings. It’s ridiculous!

We did try to move a few years back but couldn’t afford it so remortgaged instead to extend the house a little. We got the best deal we could and borrowed only as much as we were comfortable with (even though it meant we couldn’t do as much work as we needed). But unfortunately we made a mistake fixing the new mortgage for only two years and when that time was up, rates had shot to which has made our repayments considerably more expensive which really hasn’t helped.

I’m so fed up of it. I honestly feel like we felt so much better off about 10 years ago when we were earning A LOT less.

Does anyone else feel like this? Is it just that everything is so expensive now??

I know some people will say I should work full time but for reasons I won’t go into, I need to be available for my DC so me being p/t works much better for the whole family.

2 people ask about the childcare, fair question - the short answer is we believe it’s better for the children to be socialised (with other children) before school. They’re in 2.5days a week each.

So yes, that probably is a luxury. It’s definitely the one we would cut if we needed to.

£800k-£1m in London is a pretty ordinary terraced house.

It would not be what you might imagine someone earning £250k would live in.

I’m exactly the same as you OP. Except I’m a single parent on 80k. Not as much but on paper should be loads!

I guess the issue is I live in (outer) London, but I can’t move because the DCs’ father is here.

My job is here too but I could move offices.

I feel like I’m just keeping things afloat until the kids leave home which is a miserable way to be. Interest rates also shafted me as my mortgage is now huge as are the repayments for work I had done on the house, which was affordable at the time.

But at the time of the rate hike, there were a lot of very smug people on here telling everyone they should have accounted for such a rate interest.

We don’t know where the OP is in the country but parts are expensive for everything.
Londoners are often stuffed because they have to pay for tube and bus fares which have gone up (no car parking in most of London and of course, the congestion charge rules out most driving. Yet schools still expect “voluntary contributions” - a neighbour’s child costs them £70/month.
No mega supermarkets and my nearest Lidl/Aldi are halfway across London and would take an hour’s bus ride to get to.
Compared to friends outside the south east but especially in Scotland and the NW, even clubs like football or piano lessons are twice the price.

I’m fine but I see Londoners struggle every day.

But even on 250k your children are eligible for 15 hours childcare for socialisation, surely that’s enough?
2.5k in childcare on top of the 15 hours preschool is crazy when you’re a sahm and then moaning about how far your money goes.

Absolutely. Surely you’d scrap this if it isn’t needed. Putting children that aren’t school age into childcare (that costs) if someone’s at home is bonkers to me.
What a waste of money.

@QuickTyper I don't think it's your house but childcare costs are presumably a choice if only 1 partner works? I do agree that money does not go far these days & overall point though.

There are 2 groups of people doing okay right now: those in our income bracket who have had houses paid for by mum & dad (these are the ones with kids going to private school, etc), and families with parents earning lower than 100k individually (they get the bulk of the handouts). We’re in the bracket where everyone’s like ‘oh tax them they’re rich’.

I have slightly older colleagues who just happened to get on the ladder before things went crazy so have got nice houses with very low mortgages as they traded up with huge equity gains so they have more disposable income.

Chn get nursery paid for at the age of 21/2 I believe. For socialisation as you say.

Only at 3.

Dh and I earn about 85k, after tax and pensions we have about 4.3k a month. Our mortgage is low (£600 per month) so our bills total is roughly 1.5 k. We then spend roughly 2k on food, petrol, dog walker, gym, kids clubs and general expenses/treats. Then we save £500 for holidays /Christmas /house/emergencies. And anything spare either goes on extra unexpected expenses or in savings.

obviously your mortgage is a lot higher but have you done a budget ? You should be taking home at least 5k after tax/ni/pension. (Depending on your pensions.)

You have a home. The mortgage is going into a home you own. Eventually it will balance itself out.

Just imagine, you could be paying that in rent and really have nothing to show for it.

Some people don’t want to parent. Why have 3 chn under 5 if that’s an issue?

I live in what lots of people would call a pretty shitty bit of east London and a terraced 3 bed gives you change for a kinder eggs from a million.
It’s really clear so many people don’t understand property prices these days, or tax, or interest rates.

’I earn less than you, bought by house 17 years ago and have loads more money to spend’ 🤦‍♀️

Hi Op, I sympathise and understand the point you are making. I earn slightly less than you but still 6 figures (single income household) and I’m not living the life I imagined I would on a salary like that. It’s quite depressing really!

BUT, I’m also wondering where some of your money is going. My mortgage is pretty much exactly the same as yours. My utilities are slightly lower but I do have wrap around care to pay for. I’ve got a European holiday booked for the summer and a UK break later in the year, and I save £1k per month.

Is your food bill really big? Pets? An expensive commute?

Well yeah but if you’re choosing to be a sahm 1 or 2 years of preschool is surely more than enough socialisation if it’s not for childcare purposes?

I am not going to feel sorry for someone struggling when they live in a 800k house and have a job they could do anywhere. My family live in a very expensive part of the country. It didn’t use to be 30 years ago. We moved many miles away so I could afford a lovely house for my children to grow up in. If you are on 200k a year you need to look at your choices and be happy with them. Those in lower income don’t have a choice.
And you can socialise kids at toddler groups for a couple of quid a week. You even get a cup of weak orange juice and a cheap biscuit.

@theresapossuminthekitchen

Now, it’s not at all attractive and my salary is about 30% less than it would have been if it had kept pace with inflation between 2010 and 2020.

But that isn't unique to teaching...

I don't know how much you earn but my family members in teaching SLT are on 70k plus, I don't think they would necessarily be getting 140k plus in the private sector. But conditions have got worse.

I think children benefit from socialisation from earlier than that, but I agree using a private nursery when a SAHM is a luxury yes.

2 people ask about the childcare, fair question - the short answer is we believe it’s better for the children to be socialised (with other children) before school. They’re in 2.5days a week each.

fair enough

Well the head teacher of my primary school earns £60k !

But at the time of the rate hike, there were a lot of very smug people on here telling everyone they should have accounted for such a rate interest.

Oh yes, they all knew it was coming 🙄

Yes - this is me. Similar to @QuickTyper but we both work.
London house - 4 bed terrace, nicer than average but in no means a mansion - £1.5m. We are older so have risen up the housing ladder over 20yrs.
If we hadn't we simply wouldn't be able to afford our house, even on £250k. Next door is an older couple - in their 70's - one was a teacher and the other a civil servant. Bought in the 1980's. Those jobs would get you 1/3 of the house now.
Our mortgage is £1,300 and so, yes, we do have disposable income but younger couples must be paying 3x that for the same house.

Lots of us are struggling right now just to pay essentials. It’s depressing and feels hopeless.

But try to count your blessings. You’re buying your own home and gaining equity. You’ll have it all paid for in the end and be housing-cost free later in life. Lots of us will be renting for the rest of our lives, even in retirement. That’s if we can afford it and landlords will take us. Otherwise, we’re facing homelessness.

And most of us have to do up our homes ourselves. As long as your home is safe and healthy, it doesn’t need to be perfect. Health is the most important thing. Anyone who’s had a perfect home and amazing lifestyle, then lost a partner or child to cancer etc, will tell you they’d trade it all for their loved one’s health.

@greengreyblue I'm in London & was replying in context to that poster. Again you need to stop extrapolating.

you can see inner London here

neu.org.uk/advice/your-rights-work/pay-advice/pay-scales/pay-scales-england#leadership

You should have paid off your mortgage by then and should have equity in your home to sell and buy somewhere smaller and cheaper. I’m sure it’ll be okay! But yes, cost of living and interest rates really are f*cking shit