To be fed up of being on a good income but always skint?

[Justonemorecurlywurly]

I know I’m going to get flamed, lots of “boo-hoo, poor you”, and that there are people far worse off but -

Our household income (family of 4) is roughly £110-120k. DH earns about £100k of that, I’m self employed and part time so my income fluctuates. I think that’s pretty good money but it feels like we can never afford to do anything.

No holiday for 2 years.
1 car
Very few clothes
Modest house

If after paying bills, we ever buy something non-essential like a meal out, or maybe one or two items of new clothes, birthday present, that’s it, we’re out of money for the month. And we have no savings. It’s ridiculous!

We did try to move a few years back but couldn’t afford it so remortgaged instead to extend the house a little. We got the best deal we could and borrowed only as much as we were comfortable with (even though it meant we couldn’t do as much work as we needed). But unfortunately we made a mistake fixing the new mortgage for only two years and when that time was up, rates had shot to which has made our repayments considerably more expensive which really hasn’t helped.

I’m so fed up of it. I honestly feel like we felt so much better off about 10 years ago when we were earning A LOT less.

Does anyone else feel like this? Is it just that everything is so expensive now??

I know some people will say I should work full time but for reasons I won’t go into, I need to be available for my DC so me being p/t works much better for the whole family.

I think some people missing my point - I agree childcare a luxury, and one we’d cut if needed, were making a choice based on belief in what’s best for the children. You don’t have to agree with that, but our time and money goes toward what we see as most important: our children, hence the focus in where we spend, house (stability and safety), no holidays.

as in my original post, I’m not posting a sob story, but in line with OPs original post, life is crazy expensive right now. If you asked me 10 yrs ago when we had less than half this, what 250k / yr would mean, I would have said huge house, private school, holidays.

@theresapossuminthekitchen If I’d gone into a different professional career when I left uni with the qualifications I had ... and progressed into management, as I have in teaching, then I’d be earning double what I earn now.

Yup, same here. We don't live in a meritocracy, unfortunately, which means I earn just about £50K, with more qualifications and professional qualifications - most of which I've paid for myself - than you can shake a stick at, yet the DH of one of my friends works in 'sales and marketing' for a bloody coffee company and earns around 3-4 times more and works a 35 hour week. Not that I'd want his socially pointless job, though 😂I'd feel embarrassed.

@Fleurchamp yes lots of my colleagues are in 1.2-1.5m houses despite not having astronomical salaries. But because they are older they got on the ladder in the late 90s/early 00s.

Move up north. You’ll get all of that for your salary. You said earlier you could do your job anywhere. Honestly there are some lovely places you could move to where that salary will give you a very pleasant life.

Can you afford to work PT if you feel you're that skint?

life is crazy expensive right now.

The depressing thing is the fact it won't get any cheaper. I really don't see how tax & utilities won't keep increasing.

I'm sure you could manage a holiday if you adjusted your expectations and saved monthly specifically for it. There are many posts on here about budget holiday options that are still fun, relaxing and great for family bonding.

Absolutely bonkers, when they can socialise plenty in play groups etc and you could save 1.5 of that instead of 2-300 per month in long term savings and use the other 1k for holidays. I earn 50k and save the same as you and go on holidays @QuickTyper 2.5k on childcare when you are home is ridiculous!!sorry!

I genuinely don’t understand why you have (or have done, but that’s a different question) so many qualifications that don’t translate into salary. Surely they’re unrelated to your career if they don’t lead to promotion/ more money and were done for interest, basically?

Surely you can’t be surprised that qualifications with no financial rewards…. Gave you no financial reward?

I could earn double my salary in sales or more but it would not be much use as I would likely get sacked for being crap!

And whilst moving up north for me for example would be feasible work wise for me and cheaper it would tie me to my job.
Where we live is employment is buoyant, lots of job opportunities, fast trains in to two different cities with another railway line being built, close to the motorway and main dual carriageway, most of my daughters 6th form are easily able to find work at 16yrs. And these are not just opportunities for me, this is a great place for my children to start their working lives so no I wouldn't consider taking that away from them. However it is an expensive place to live because of this.

I don’t think anyone is missing the point though, you spend 2.5k on childcare when you stay at home and then you say you don’t spend on any luxuries.
You could put them into free preschool, sign them up to a few bougie classes a week in a private members club and probably still pocket more than 1.5k a month.
The reality is 250k does actually fund a very nice house, private school and holidays.

I think you’ve embarrassed yourself more with this post than the husband of your friend has tbh.

Do they go on separate days or the same days?

100% this. Do not underestimate the value of bouyant employment with well paid, highly skilled jobs. It’s not just great for you, but it’s a privilege to bring your children up in such places and give them so much opportunity.

I think it’s a bit selfish to take that all away from them when you can give it to them, just because it allows the parents to relax about money more.

The reality is 250k does actually fund a very nice house, private school and holidays.

It's a take home of 144k a year - realistically that would be a struggle to fund 3 dc through private school though as that would be 90-100k plus

I image you've been given a lot of budgeting advice - and to track what and when you are spending.

One tip though - have a saving account for hoilday and chuck £50 - or more in there and do it every month - till you have enough to book a hoilday even if it takes a few years - they money there in absolute emergency but otherwise it's earmarked for a hoilday and doesn't get lost in day to day spending.

We have pots all over for various things - hoilday fund, replacement laptop - general savings. Also try and build savings -especially for the kids little and often - otherwise when shit hits you have no choice but to go into debt and when kids get to teen years uni costs loom and other starting out on life costs.

We don't have your income but live in a cheaper part of the country and there have been times when money had been painfully tight. We worked hard educationally and been very sensible and if you told us our income when we were kids we'd have thought it huge - it's much better than our parents but feel we are struggling to be on par with them as same age.

@Justonemorecurlywurly does DH pay into pension as well as employer? Only, I think I read if you go over £100k salary (or lower salary plus bonus) you lose tax free allowance. If he pays more into a pension you might be able to end up slightly better off as usually contributions are made before tax and then you are taxed on the remainder. There are various tax calculators you could use to check whether he’s hit that point. Might be worth looking into.

RE childcare: they mainly go different days, we always have at least one home, they go to church groups/ clubs/ national trusts / meet baby friends etc on the days they don’t go, just all alternating

to the person that says move north: there is a high pressure and job insecurity at that level of pay, anywhere we move needs to have access to similar jobs. The north doesn’t have that and if it was needed to be in London for the next then it would mean 10k/yr commuting (20k pre tax).

There are so many good private day schools that are less than that, the average is nowhere near 100k a year for 3.

They could be saving 30k a year now just from not sending preschoolers to paid nursery with a sahm. A few years of that starts to create a large float to top up the schools fees.

Right exactly, I mean the maths is straightforward, you could swap the 2.5k / month for school fees, maybe afford 1.5children in private school. Anyway some people don’t want to listen just tell you it’s simple.

We have household income of £120k with mortgage of £1200 pcm, gym membership of £150 pcm and car payments of £600pcm. No childcare costs but have 18 yo at home and at school.

We have loads of disposable income, top up pensions, we’ve already been abroad twice this year and have another trip planned. We’ve also had two uk weekend breaks.
You are definitely wasting money somewhere. I batch cook to save money and time, heating is only on when necessary (never at night) and our combined gas/electric is under £150 pcm. I sell things I no longer need on vinted or eBay. I use vouchers or cash back sites to buy things. I have no brand loyalty.

I think your whole point has gone over many posters heads.

of course you could reduce your costs or buy another house. None of that is rocket science and I find it quite insulting that people think you’re so dumb that could hadn’t considered this.

these are not simple decisions and surely the point of being a high earner is to buy yourself the freedom not to make them?

otherwise at what point can you relax around money? £500 PA? Being a multi millionaire? Being an oligarch?

Thank you.

Love the usual assumptions about the north. Yes we have job opportunities here and fast trains etc.
It is all about choices. And as I’ve said before having choice in the first place is a luxury.