To be fed up of being on a good income but always skint?

[Justonemorecurlywurly]

I know I’m going to get flamed, lots of “boo-hoo, poor you”, and that there are people far worse off but -

Our household income (family of 4) is roughly £110-120k. DH earns about £100k of that, I’m self employed and part time so my income fluctuates. I think that’s pretty good money but it feels like we can never afford to do anything.

No holiday for 2 years.
1 car
Very few clothes
Modest house

If after paying bills, we ever buy something non-essential like a meal out, or maybe one or two items of new clothes, birthday present, that’s it, we’re out of money for the month. And we have no savings. It’s ridiculous!

We did try to move a few years back but couldn’t afford it so remortgaged instead to extend the house a little. We got the best deal we could and borrowed only as much as we were comfortable with (even though it meant we couldn’t do as much work as we needed). But unfortunately we made a mistake fixing the new mortgage for only two years and when that time was up, rates had shot to which has made our repayments considerably more expensive which really hasn’t helped.

I’m so fed up of it. I honestly feel like we felt so much better off about 10 years ago when we were earning A LOT less.

Does anyone else feel like this? Is it just that everything is so expensive now??

I know some people will say I should work full time but for reasons I won’t go into, I need to be available for my DC so me being p/t works much better for the whole family.

I don’t think it’s possible on a legacy rate- I pay £1600 on 1.6% for a £360k and it has 26 years to run!

I'm jealous 😭

No I already subtracted that from the figures OP gave.

OP there was a really similar thread a few weeks or so ago and they got rinsed too but FWIW I feel for you! I think the mortgage rates changing a few years ago absolutely floored a lot of people - and it’s not to say we’re flat broke but as you say, a decade ago you’d have dreamed of a life on that salary and now the reality just feels so different. 5 years ago my mortgage was 0.9% 🥲 All of our bills have gone up and seem to just keep increasing, and I could cry at the food shop costs now - we so rarely get any luxuries and stick to the list but it still costs so much!!

Doing renovations has become the norm. It’s always been a massive expense and with current costs it’s increased massively. But you don’t have to do them. There’s definitely a move to wanting it all over the last 20 years.

Or rather doing renovations has become the norm because people buy later in life, they can't afford to move up the so called ladder & need more space plus adult dc stay home for longer.

I meant not better off in respect of having lots of extra money for non material things like nice holiday breaks & general social life. If the same people decided to live in a less expensive area,less expensive home, didn't run huge new cars & shopped more frugally they would have loads of savings.I don't know how people on comparatively huge salaries can complain about not getting holidays etc when it's a choice of how you spend money and what on.

This is because moving house has become so expensive, that often renovations and extensions are cheaper.

I did a loft extension because it cost ~£100k vs the ~£400k cost of buying a house with another bedroom.

Which would give you a borrowing capability of £85,000 today.
Given the average house price is just shy of £300k it shouldn’t take a genius to work out that a mortgage of 85k isn’t getting you far in most of the country.

@Nevermindthebuzzard what do you think private school costs?

^ This, basically, @Justonemorecurlywurly

Sit down with your DH - and your kids if they are secondary school age and able to join in - and go through all the bills, receipts, etc.

Focus first on concessionary spending - e.g. Amazon, Netflix, etc. - then take a good look at your energy usage, which seems high.

Also, make this a positive educational experience for the kids, too, as we all know that financial literacy is not taught in schools.

If they are old/able enough, consider giving one of the kids a project to get them involved/learning about household management, e.g.

How can we reduce our energy use in our house?
Categorising shopping into 'must have'/'nice to have' or 'do not need'
Learn skills, e.g. make-do-and-mend clothes, basic repairs
If they're older, get them to do some research about banking/saving

Regarding your expectations, OP, don't be too hard on yourself:

No holiday for two years is more usual than you might think
One car is usually more than enough for a 2+2 household
Most families don't buy lots of new clothes

That’s a huge loft. We were quoted £25k.

@greengreyblue can i have your builder details please? I have been quoted 80k pre VAT for a 3x3 extension...

What are the rest of your circumstances though? Partner? Kids? Home owner (when did you buy and how much has price gone up) or renter (private or affordable social housing rent). What part of the country do you live in (and did you move there for the affordability of housing or did you just happen to be born there and have your friends/family etc in that area).

Quoting your salary in isolation is meaningless.

DO NOT GET A WATER METER if you have a family.

Our house has a water meter and I bloody hate it. Water meters do not save money for families. We save as much water as we can, including scooping out the shower water into buckets to use in the loo, and our bills are still more expensive than if we were not on a meter. I am dreading the kids being teenagers who shower every day. Our bills we be astronomical.

I am also worried about being able to sell the house. I’d never have bought if I’d known it had a water meter.

lol - they are definitely not in private school territory. For two DC you need at least £80k pre tax income just to cover the basic fees.

Nowadays, for 2 DC at private school, London mortgage you need £200k+ (or rich parents).

Bills take up most of my income. Well our income, because partner isn't working. I have £500 a month left which seems ok, but it's either the car needs tyres, or an MOT, or something breaks. It's never ending. Some months I rearrange my work so I work at home the last week of the month because I can't afford the travel until I get paid.

We’re in the same boat too, it’s maddening. After going through our bills with a fine tooth comb and cancelling every non-essential thing we could, our monthly outgoings and food bill take up nearly all of our money with hardly anything left over.

No, we have to because it's quite a new house and the bill is over 200 pm compared to 65 in our old house. We do have a household of 6-8 (depending on day of week) teens/adults and it does feel like there is permanently someone on the shower, dishwasher runs 2-3 times per day and we do a min of 2 -3 loads of laundry per day.

After all these years I finally created an account to comment on this. One too many article on a topic close to my heart with irritating commentators, I guess.

same boat (more extreme) than OP, ~250k income, one of us works, no family wealth or help.

the biggest costs for us: house 4k/mth, childcare 2.5k/mth (3 kids under 5, no school fees, lol at anyone being able to afford private school without family help) bills/council tax ~1.2k. We have ~2k after tax and the above (before groceries & car etc). We do save about 2-300/mth, but no holidays in 5-6yrs.

we have a 10yr old car, it’s kind of expensive because it goes to the garage at least once a year unscheduled.

I can cut to the issue: we have an expensive house (800k-1M), we prioritise that over holidays, car, eating out etc.

Due to pay rises in the last 2 yrs we don’t ‘struggle’ but we have no money left over after the above, and (aside from a nice house) do not spend money on luxuries.

All of the people commenting saying “I don’t know where you spend your money”: most of you get free childcare, tax credits and other benefits. What looks like a large income pays about 100k a year in tax, close to 15x what someone on 30k pays, and even more if you consider all of the benefits you can access that we can’t. Think about that, I pay for 3 nurses, or 15 median tax payers. Side point we’re considering moving country, like many others, my job is mobile, the main gut wrench is children stability, but eventually there is only so much you can be hit with.

There are 2 groups of people doing okay right now: those in our income bracket who have had houses paid for by mum & dad (these are the ones with kids going to private school, etc), and families with parents earning lower than 100k individually (they get the bulk of the handouts). We’re in the bracket where everyone’s like ‘oh tax them they’re rich’.

Most people on here have a very, very different vision of what one income 250k / yr would mean for them, than the reality. I would have expected a bigger house, holidays, private school.

It is not a sob story, but to all the people saying “I don’t understand…”, pause, take a breath, and just try and understand, in the same way I’m expected to do.

You are mid managing your money. Your bills are high but so is your income. We earn way way way less than you and I feel comfortable.

you have to write EVERYTHING down. You will soon see where the money is going.

I couldn’t earn double if I left teaching, no, but that wasn’t what I said. Not sure the snarky comments on teachers overvaluing themselves was really necessary. If I’d gone into a different professional career when I left uni with the qualifications I had (still have, hence my phrasing…) - straight As, first class degree from top Russell Group uni in a STEM subject - and progressed into management, as I have in teaching, then I’d be earning double what I earn now. Most of my peers at uni went to work in the city, I chose to go into teaching because I am good at it, wanted a job that was ‘meaningful’ and I (used to) enjoy it. When I started the salary was decent and the work/life balance was much better, as was behaviour and all the rest. Now, it’s not at all attractive and my salary is about 30% less than it would have been if it had kept pace with inflation between 2010 and 2020. It now feels like I made the wrong choice, which is a particular shame because unfortunately lots of other people seem to agree with me and aren’t entering teaching or don’t stay for more than 5 years.

Genuine question but if only one of you works, why do you need childcare?

If only one of you works why is there £2.5k on childcare?

£25k would be extraordinarily good value.

I’m in London so that always adds a premium - but, I know several people who have done the same for usually £80-100k so pretty normal costs here.

You live in a very expensive house.
We earn a lot less than 100k. We get no benefits at all. Not entitled to any.

And why are you paying 2.5 k childcare if one of you doesn’t work?