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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

LOUD husband- I'm either going mad or he's doing it on purpose.

86 replies

goingdeafithink · 13/04/2025 21:38

Over the past 6 months or so, my husband has been getting louder and louder in our home.

We have wooden floors upstairs and he walks so heavily it makes the ceiling light shake downstairs. He burps very loudly without any attempt to make it quieter or masked. He likes canned soft drinks and slurps like he's sucking the liquid out of the hole viciously. He makes a kind of smacking noise with his lips after every slurp of tea or coffee too. He coughs and sniffs for about an hour after waking up every morning. His sneezes make my ears ring.

I genuinely sometimes look at him with shock at the sheer amount of noise he makes. We've been married for nearly 10 years and I swear it's never been like this until last year. Whenever I ask him to be quieter, or ask if he realises how loud he is, he either passes it off as a joke or gets grumpy and says something like 'Can't even exist without getting told off'.

I'm at a point where I have to leave the room, or I flinch physically when he's being noisy. It makes me quite angry and upset, feeling like it's deliberate somehow. On the days he's in the office and not at home, I feel so much more relaxed (we both do 3 days at home each week, but not the same days as each other). I don't know if I can carry on living like this.

OP posts:
vincettenoir · 13/04/2025 21:45

It’s possible that your DH has got louder. But it’s also possible that you have developed an increased sensitivity to noise. It can happen with ND and tinnitus and there are other causes. It might be worth exploring that if you haven’t already.

Anyotherdude · 13/04/2025 21:48

Get yourself tested for misphonia, then get his hearing checked. Either of you may have had some hearing changes if this has come on quite suddenly. Ask for his support and support him, too.
Good luck!🍀

Peony1897 · 13/04/2025 21:49

As men get older they do become of the mindset ‘I’ll do what I like’ and they seem to intrude more in spaces as if to prove they’re dominant. I was on a train this evening and a man of about 60 got on, he spent the entire ride noisily clearing this throat, coughing, humming and whatever else, in a silent carriage. I think it’s a male domineering, attention seeking ‘you will notice me’ thing

BananaSpanner · 13/04/2025 21:50

You could just have the ick.

It sounds like everything he’s doing is annoying you and you’re super sensitive to it.

goingdeafithink · 13/04/2025 21:52

Thanks everyone. I don't think I'm more sensitive to noise than usual, though I used to really struggle with the sound of my grandad eating due to his dentures thudding!

He definitely walks much more heavily than he used to. The drinking noises are new- he never used to slurp or smack like that. He's always been a loud sneezer, and maybe I am more tuned into it because I'm on edge for noise. I might have to try those loop earplug things.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 13/04/2025 21:53

He's probably always been slightly irritating but we can block it out. Then when they start getting on our nerves a bit we get extra sensitive to their habits. Not sure what the answer is though. Once an ick sets in it just gets worse.

aodirjjd · 13/04/2025 21:54

I’d get his hearing tested as well as your own. He might not realise how loud he is.

SamDeanCas · 13/04/2025 21:56

How old is he? My DH is in his 60s and I’ve definitely started to notice him being noisier, his sneezes are horrendously loud, even the dogs get upset, it’s like he literally shouts them out. Also he sniffs when he eats, it’s like he has a cold and can’t breath through his nose, and don’t even get me started o. The noises he makes when he moves, gives me the rage just thinking about it.

ShouldIEvenBother · 13/04/2025 21:57

Is it only him, or have you noticed it with other people or in other environments? If other folks and environments are not irritating you then the issue is him I should think. As a poster upstairs has also mentioned - you may also have the ick. I wonder if he would quieten down if you "offered" to record him so he can hear for himself what he sounds like!

myplace · 13/04/2025 21:59

Is he different in public? I felt like I’d simply become invisible and he could carry on regardless of someone else being present.

Might be worth remarking that if he behaves like that at work, people will be revolted by his bad manners.

EilishMcCandlish · 13/04/2025 21:59

How old are you both?
I don't want to blame things on hormones, but I became massively over sensitive to sounds I would previously have found only mildly irritating as I hit perimenopause.

goingdeafithink · 13/04/2025 22:03

I haven't had the same feeling or reaction to anyone else- despite a week with my family over Christmas and a week with his family in February, where I was with others for longer.

@myplace that's a good point. When we go out for dinner, he doesn't drink in the same way and never burps or sniffs like he does at home. Maybe he's just got really comfortable now?

In terms of age, we both turned 50 last year.

OP posts:
thestudio · 13/04/2025 22:06

He is getting more entitled and dominant as @Peony1897 said - and you, at 50, are passed the age when your hormones gaslight you into putting up with his gross fuckery.

MrsRuthFisher · 13/04/2025 22:15

EilishMcCandlish · 13/04/2025 21:59

How old are you both?
I don't want to blame things on hormones, but I became massively over sensitive to sounds I would previously have found only mildly irritating as I hit perimenopause.

Same. I was about to ask if you're peri. I'm out the other side these days and it doesn't bother me nearly as much, but there were a couple of years where I could have cheerfully strangled him.

Festivespirit85 · 14/04/2025 01:30

goingdeafithink · 13/04/2025 21:38

Over the past 6 months or so, my husband has been getting louder and louder in our home.

We have wooden floors upstairs and he walks so heavily it makes the ceiling light shake downstairs. He burps very loudly without any attempt to make it quieter or masked. He likes canned soft drinks and slurps like he's sucking the liquid out of the hole viciously. He makes a kind of smacking noise with his lips after every slurp of tea or coffee too. He coughs and sniffs for about an hour after waking up every morning. His sneezes make my ears ring.

I genuinely sometimes look at him with shock at the sheer amount of noise he makes. We've been married for nearly 10 years and I swear it's never been like this until last year. Whenever I ask him to be quieter, or ask if he realises how loud he is, he either passes it off as a joke or gets grumpy and says something like 'Can't even exist without getting told off'.

I'm at a point where I have to leave the room, or I flinch physically when he's being noisy. It makes me quite angry and upset, feeling like it's deliberate somehow. On the days he's in the office and not at home, I feel so much more relaxed (we both do 3 days at home each week, but not the same days as each other). I don't know if I can carry on living like this.

I can't cope with eating/drinking noises. As soon as someone makes a slurp etc, I'm on them reminding them to stop. It induces a rage in me that makes me want to introduce their face to the wall or floor.

Semiramide · 14/04/2025 01:39

The problem isn't just that he is being loud and obnoxious. The problem is that he doesn't care that he upsets you. As a result you are getting the ick.

I fear this may not end well. Unless he has some truly outstanding redeeming qualities.

You need to ask him to stop, and if he doesn't, leave. This may seem extreme, but it will I only get worse - and it will grind you down over the years until, one day, it will make your life intolerable.

WearyAuldWumman · 14/04/2025 01:40

aodirjjd · 13/04/2025 21:54

I’d get his hearing tested as well as your own. He might not realise how loud he is.

The fact that he might have a hearing problem was the first thing that came to my mind.

Fannybycandlelight · 14/04/2025 01:51

aodirjjd · 13/04/2025 21:54

I’d get his hearing tested as well as your own. He might not realise how loud he is.

That was my first thought as well.

My husband has a degree of industrial deafness and doesn't realise how loudly he's talking.

CSectionUncertainty · 14/04/2025 04:15

oh god not happy to hear this gets worse over time! My husband is ridiculously loud and we are late 30s. He bashes and clashes about and constantly makes me flinch when he does normal things like putting a plate down on the table. It’s like he trying to break things with the force he uses. Get a similar response of “can’t exist without getting complaints!” When I bring it up!

Lurkingandlearning · 14/04/2025 04:16

Of course it isn’t OPs hearing that’s changed or she’d have the same problem with everyone every where. It isn’t his hearing either. Poor hearing doesn’t make you heavy footed nor does it make you forget how to burp discretely. He doesn’t do these things in public and he’s only recently started doing them.

You said he makes a joke of it despite being told more than once you don’t like it. I think what he finds funny is annoying you rather than the burping etc. That doesn’t bode well. Can you think of anything that has happened that has made him want to cause friction?

PoppyBaxter · 14/04/2025 07:10

Is he getting louder, or are you getting more intolerant?

I'm the same. I've been with DH for 20 years, and I'm finding myself wanting to climb the walls, almost in a panic, at the noises he makes.

None of this is helped by the fact he has a permanent issue with his ears, nose and throat. So there's lots of clearing of his throat, heavy breathing, and an audible whistling sound coming from his chest.

The sounds he makes when he eats are genuinely horrific to me, and he's got decent table manners. It's me, not him!

I try to keep myself under control, but spend a lot of my time in fight or flight mode because of it.

He will sometimes see me subtly slip out earplugs, because I've been secretly wearing them around the house!

Zanatdy · 14/04/2025 07:12

Sounds like you’ve got the ick. The burping is gross. My ex is so loud, even when he visits now he throws himself down on the sofa and I can hear creaking sometimes. He has the TV on so loud, I have it on 15 max, he has over 40. Grateful I don’t have to live with him anymore!

AllTheTreesOfTheField · 14/04/2025 07:34

So he isn't loud and gross out and about with others, only with you at home? And he doesn't even try to tone it down, while knowing you find it upsetting? I wonder if he's trying to force a split, but making sure you are the one instigating it.

jeaux90 · 14/04/2025 07:58

https://youtube.com/shorts/9yjQZLnbHaE?si=DCkRxAyR5eYTxG_M

reminded me of this OP just to try and lighten the mood a bit 😁

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