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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

LOUD husband- I'm either going mad or he's doing it on purpose.

86 replies

goingdeafithink · 13/04/2025 21:38

Over the past 6 months or so, my husband has been getting louder and louder in our home.

We have wooden floors upstairs and he walks so heavily it makes the ceiling light shake downstairs. He burps very loudly without any attempt to make it quieter or masked. He likes canned soft drinks and slurps like he's sucking the liquid out of the hole viciously. He makes a kind of smacking noise with his lips after every slurp of tea or coffee too. He coughs and sniffs for about an hour after waking up every morning. His sneezes make my ears ring.

I genuinely sometimes look at him with shock at the sheer amount of noise he makes. We've been married for nearly 10 years and I swear it's never been like this until last year. Whenever I ask him to be quieter, or ask if he realises how loud he is, he either passes it off as a joke or gets grumpy and says something like 'Can't even exist without getting told off'.

I'm at a point where I have to leave the room, or I flinch physically when he's being noisy. It makes me quite angry and upset, feeling like it's deliberate somehow. On the days he's in the office and not at home, I feel so much more relaxed (we both do 3 days at home each week, but not the same days as each other). I don't know if I can carry on living like this.

OP posts:
Littlejellyuk · 16/04/2025 14:33

Cctviswatchingme001 · 14/04/2025 18:50

Completely understand. My DH has always been loud but my God its out of control now. Constantly clearing his throat and coughing. Everytime he answers the phone to anybody he coughs before saying hello, so rude. He yanks every door handle, slams doors and wardrobes. Sings and puts on music at 6am in the morning when getting ready for work. Talks to the cats like they are living in a different country. Slams their litterbox when he moves it to the hall. Brushes his teeth and chokes himself on the toothbrush because he needs to brush his tongue so rams toothbrush to back of his throat. Moisturiser and hair gel is also violently opened and closed. This morning alone he plodded up the stairs like a baby elephant four times before he went to work, went outside and opened and closed the front door three times, slammed every door on the car three times, knocked down the ironing board. Came into our bedroom four times banging around, pulling out drawers and sliding the slide wardrobes. Took all my strength to not scream at him to fuck of out of the house and stop being a noisy inconsiderate p*k. Sorry rant over, feel better now.

Talks to the cats like they are living in a different country. 😆 🤣 😂 this still makes me chuckle 😆

Littlejellyuk · 16/04/2025 14:34

Henry8thHoover · 14/04/2025 20:28

@Cctviswatchingme001WTF are we married to the same bloke? Exactly the same here. Plus yanking door handles and nearly ripping the curtains off the pole cos he's so heavy handed with them.
Traipsing in and out of the bedroom. Once I lay in bed trying to have a nap and counted, 14 fucking times he came in. For fuck all.

It's attention seeking, especially if I'm still in bed. He has a 'one up, all up' mentality.

14 times!!! 😆 I would wanna murder him 😆

TheLurpackYears · 16/04/2025 14:37

In my case exh was being a sadistic shitbag.
I could never cope with loud and intrusive noises and has he grew to hate me he made the most of my suffering

springbringshope · 16/04/2025 14:47

Peony1897 · 13/04/2025 21:49

As men get older they do become of the mindset ‘I’ll do what I like’ and they seem to intrude more in spaces as if to prove they’re dominant. I was on a train this evening and a man of about 60 got on, he spent the entire ride noisily clearing this throat, coughing, humming and whatever else, in a silent carriage. I think it’s a male domineering, attention seeking ‘you will notice me’ thing

I don’t think it’s just men. I think women too get to the menopause and start thinking ‘fuck it. I don’t care anymore’ and we take our space

I do know around menopause women can develop misophonia at the same time men start develop nasal drip and cough and sneeze more.

DogMa73 · 17/04/2025 08:35

My ex was exactly the same. So noisy, I used to ask him if a sound effect was necessary for absolutely everything he did ??!
And wow, what a lot of very similar stories ?!
My personal view is this (especially if around mid life age) - women run out of fucks to give so are less tolerant of people being loud and selfishly irritating, and men also get to an age where they just can’t be arsed to make the effort required, and behave like wild beasts. They just don’t care and want to wallow in their own disgusting-ness ! Also, I’m thinking perhaps they have hit an age where they feel less seen, heard or relevant ? As they eek towards the end of their careers, and are not required to procreate anymore ? It’s definitely attention seeking behaviour, but only if they knew, it makes them look like children (silly annoying ones at that) ?
I did not end my relationship because of this, but it certainly didn’t help - and it was definitely getting worse over the years. He was also recently diagnosed with ADHD, not sure if this has any bearing ? I only hope his new gf soon realizes the horrors of his excruciatingly loud belching and farting (amongst other things) ! What might be comical at first soon becomes very ick- inducing…

ArseofOrion · 17/04/2025 09:00

mine is quite clumsy and will drop things, yes also sneezes loudly which enrages me. He’s started semi shouting when he talks and my god when he’s on the phone to someone I can hear him booming away.
we’re on holiday at the moment and he keeps slamming the kitchen cupboards because apparently they’re different to the ones at home….

tbf he does make an effort to quieten himself down when told but, I tell him a lot….

my parents are similar too but they are genuinely going deaf. I have to put the subtitles on the tv because I just can’t bear the noise levels. If I’m talking to my dad I have to repeat myself after every sentence as he shouts “EH, WHAT”???

I often fantasise about being deaf tbh so I don’t have to listen to the noisy world around me.

Littlejellyuk · 19/04/2025 10:53

I remember years ago when a worked in an old family firm, they would get their foreman to come up to the office sometimes to doing some orders on the computer, so that the boss could run an errand (they were old pals).
This guy was at least 15 years older than me or more (I was 29) and my God this older chap was LOUD. He would cough, he would shout down the phone, and every now and again he would let out a huge loud SIGH, which would make me jump.
I asked him why? And he smiled and said sometimes I like to let out a very loud breath.
Yep deffo attention seeking behaviour.
It had me on edge, just no need really.

ChopstickNovice · 19/04/2025 11:29

My parents are 67 and 73 and BOTH like this!! They both burp loudly and fart loudly and clatter around. My dad sometimes blows raspberries when he's bored... I can't stand it my god. He also hums and grunts and occasionally eats with his mouth open. My mum doesn't do that at least.

ladybirdsaredotty · 19/04/2025 11:50

We all have the same partner 😆
Mine SIGHS all the time. If he's putting the dishes away it genuinely makes me jump. Just so incredibly, unnecessarily LOUD. Oh god yes, the yelling out a sneeze. The children hate it. He doesn't seem to comprehend how to sneeze without bellowing. I could go on...

ladybirdsaredotty · 19/04/2025 11:52

Oh, and don't get me started on the whistling. I have to leave the room.

lottiegarbanzo · 19/04/2025 12:35

Peony1897 · 13/04/2025 21:49

As men get older they do become of the mindset ‘I’ll do what I like’ and they seem to intrude more in spaces as if to prove they’re dominant. I was on a train this evening and a man of about 60 got on, he spent the entire ride noisily clearing this throat, coughing, humming and whatever else, in a silent carriage. I think it’s a male domineering, attention seeking ‘you will notice me’ thing

This, basically

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