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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

LOUD husband- I'm either going mad or he's doing it on purpose.

86 replies

goingdeafithink · 13/04/2025 21:38

Over the past 6 months or so, my husband has been getting louder and louder in our home.

We have wooden floors upstairs and he walks so heavily it makes the ceiling light shake downstairs. He burps very loudly without any attempt to make it quieter or masked. He likes canned soft drinks and slurps like he's sucking the liquid out of the hole viciously. He makes a kind of smacking noise with his lips after every slurp of tea or coffee too. He coughs and sniffs for about an hour after waking up every morning. His sneezes make my ears ring.

I genuinely sometimes look at him with shock at the sheer amount of noise he makes. We've been married for nearly 10 years and I swear it's never been like this until last year. Whenever I ask him to be quieter, or ask if he realises how loud he is, he either passes it off as a joke or gets grumpy and says something like 'Can't even exist without getting told off'.

I'm at a point where I have to leave the room, or I flinch physically when he's being noisy. It makes me quite angry and upset, feeling like it's deliberate somehow. On the days he's in the office and not at home, I feel so much more relaxed (we both do 3 days at home each week, but not the same days as each other). I don't know if I can carry on living like this.

OP posts:
AzurePanda · 14/04/2025 08:04

I really struggle with this. My dh thumps up and down the stairs so unbelievably loudly and I find it very stressful. When he empties the dishwasher he makes such a hideous amount of noise that I half expect to come downstairs and find just a pile of smashed plates.

Toodaloo1567 · 14/04/2025 08:42

Older men do develop problems with being too loud. Probably due to hearing loss. Enormous sneezes, excessive throat clearing, trumpety farts, window-shattering coughs and ick-inducing slurping, mulchy chomping and lip smacking when eating. All you can do is make him aware that he has become noisy. My worry would be that he is letting his guard down at work. Loss of inhibition is also an early sign of dementia, btw.

Chorusgirl · 14/04/2025 17:20

Get his hearing tested. Have seen numerous occasions where older man gets louder and louder and it’s only when they start putting the telly up to 50+ that someone else in the family realises it’s a hearing issue!

Mh67 · 14/04/2025 17:20

You are literally living with my hubby. Just add constant grunting to the list and they are twins. You have my sympathies

Watermill · 14/04/2025 17:26

Oh dear. I remember this stage very well. I would have to leave the room when XH was eating. The sounds suddenly gave me raging misophonia.

You’ve got the ick @goingdeafithink

How is the relationship in general? Are you still intimate? My home life descended into something resembling the end credits of the Benny Hill show, with me running away from XH advances…

Creamteasandbumblebees · 14/04/2025 17:39

Video him doing it and play it back. He may not realise how loud he is being.

Emmz1510 · 14/04/2025 17:43

I would keep pulling him for it OP to the point he has no choice but to have a word with himself, especially for the behaviours that are downright rude and socially unacceptable.
’Could you please not burp like that or at least do it quietly and cover your mouth, it’s so rude and really unattractive’.
‘Is it really necessary to slurp your drink so loudly?’
’Do you realise how loud you are stomping around/closing doors/slamming stuff down?’.

When he says he is getting a hard time just for existing, tell him yes he is, because he needs to exist more quietly and that level of noise is just not normal.

coupebaby · 14/04/2025 17:45

goingdeafithink · 13/04/2025 22:03

I haven't had the same feeling or reaction to anyone else- despite a week with my family over Christmas and a week with his family in February, where I was with others for longer.

@myplace that's a good point. When we go out for dinner, he doesn't drink in the same way and never burps or sniffs like he does at home. Maybe he's just got really comfortable now?

In terms of age, we both turned 50 last year.

I was actually going to say I bet he’s late 40’s/50 😂 I swear men that age just change suddenly being more noisy. I remember my dad being like that and now my OH is the same the past year or 2 and he’s 51 now. Sucks the drink out of the can and slurps it down, I even asked him why was he drinking like my dad drinks cans and he said it makes it last longer….Ummm ok if you say so 🤨 The heavy foot stomping, coughing, nose blowing and all the other bodily over emphasised noises he makes, especially when the whole house is still asleep, just seems attention seeking, he even starts talking to me at a normal level when I’m still asleep and tapping really heavily on the laptop as if he’s trying to waken the ASD kid in the bed beside us who wakens me numerous times a night while he’s snoring oblivious to anything going on!! I genuinely believe it’s a change in them with age.

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 14/04/2025 17:52

It's outrageous! I know exactly what you mean, especially the sneezes. All our cats run out of the room when my DH sneezes.

He is 50 this year and has noticeably got louder over the last 18 months or so.

Everything he does seems at 2 or 3 the normal level of volume.

We were in a hotel the other month and I had a bath with the bathroom door open. I had to phone him because he was watching something on his phone so loudly that I couldn't hear my phone and he couldn't hear me yelling to ask him to turn it down.

He doesn't seem to have any hearing issues at all, just an increasing lack of awareness to his noise. I don't know how to describe it...

11thofNever · 14/04/2025 17:54

I swear men that age just change suddenly being more noisy
Not all do. My DD never did this, he was polite and a gentleman. The men who do this are selfish imo.

ASimpleLampoon · 14/04/2025 17:55

Peony1897 · 13/04/2025 21:49

As men get older they do become of the mindset ‘I’ll do what I like’ and they seem to intrude more in spaces as if to prove they’re dominant. I was on a train this evening and a man of about 60 got on, he spent the entire ride noisily clearing this throat, coughing, humming and whatever else, in a silent carriage. I think it’s a male domineering, attention seeking ‘you will notice me’ thing

I agree, it's male attention seeking.

ArtyFartyHippopotamus · 14/04/2025 17:56

You should hear my husband eat a banana! It’s literally a soft fruit, but the noise is just awful. He chews it with his mouth open and all I can hear is his mouth smacking together as he chews. I stopped buying them because of this. He is slightly older than your husband and never used to eat like this. He has also started licking food off his knife when he is eating so I put sharp steak knives out for every meal to try and stop him. If we are eating out he doesn’t eat this way so he can control his bad manners. If I say anything I get the same response as OP gets from her husband. 😑

LividBoo · 14/04/2025 17:57

This thread is making my spine tingle so much.

Fucking vile specimens.

Thank god I'm on a vow of chastity and never living with one again.

lolapops1 · 14/04/2025 17:57

Is it possible his hearing has changed?
Record him & show him it.

Lavachicken · 14/04/2025 17:58

I would look at his hearing, when I lost mine dh kept telling me I was loud and I honestly thought he was just being a overly sensitive and essentially picking on me for existing but I just was quite loud in everything I was doing and not realising

bowsbunniesandbooks · 14/04/2025 17:59

I how old is he, does he have a loud job? I wonder if it’s his hearing that’s got worse over the time so he doesn’t know he’s being as loud as he is?

11thofNever · 14/04/2025 18:27

Op has already said he doesn't do these things in public. If it was due to his hearing he would.

Cctviswatchingme001 · 14/04/2025 18:50

Completely understand. My DH has always been loud but my God its out of control now. Constantly clearing his throat and coughing. Everytime he answers the phone to anybody he coughs before saying hello, so rude. He yanks every door handle, slams doors and wardrobes. Sings and puts on music at 6am in the morning when getting ready for work. Talks to the cats like they are living in a different country. Slams their litterbox when he moves it to the hall. Brushes his teeth and chokes himself on the toothbrush because he needs to brush his tongue so rams toothbrush to back of his throat. Moisturiser and hair gel is also violently opened and closed. This morning alone he plodded up the stairs like a baby elephant four times before he went to work, went outside and opened and closed the front door three times, slammed every door on the car three times, knocked down the ironing board. Came into our bedroom four times banging around, pulling out drawers and sliding the slide wardrobes. Took all my strength to not scream at him to fuck of out of the house and stop being a noisy inconsiderate p*k. Sorry rant over, feel better now.

Cctviswatchingme001 · 14/04/2025 18:51

Oh and don't get me started on the eating, it's vile. Our teenagers can't be in the room with him when he eats. His best friend in work won't sit with him anymore at lunch time because of the noise of him.

CosyLemur · 14/04/2025 19:05

Probably hormone changes in your body! Has anyone else noticed he's louder or said anything?
I only ask because I (single mum) thought my kids were really loud. But when I went to stay with family for a month and complained about my kids eating loudly, shouting, walking like elephants the people I were staying with honestly didn't think they were being loud at all and they aren't the kind of people to lie about it. They genuinely couldn't hear all the small noises I could; I thought I was going mad.
It turned out it was peri-menopause.

AlphabettiTouretti · 14/04/2025 19:24

You could get a decibel meter (they're quite cheap, or I think you can access online versions which work via your phone mic) and measure just how loud his noises are. Then compare with "average sneeze volume" etc. See whether he is objectively over-loud.

Obviously you may not want to bother doing that. But it could be good to get neutral evidence on how much this is a "him problem."

iamnotalemon · 14/04/2025 19:39

To be honest, he annoys me just by reading your post so I can sympathise 🤣

AutumnFroglets · 14/04/2025 19:55

This happened with my Ex. He just got noisier and noisier until I had to tell him to use his fucking inside voice. He even used to shout when sitting right next to me/kids or slamming things which made us jump, or even throwing bottles into the recycling at 1am, and most of the crockery now has chips where he's banged it about. I swear I was starting to get ptsd from it all. He was normal outside the home, it was just inside.

He wasn't losing his hearing - he just liked seeing us suddenly pay him attention/make us jump 🙄

Henry8thHoover · 14/04/2025 20:28

@Cctviswatchingme001WTF are we married to the same bloke? Exactly the same here. Plus yanking door handles and nearly ripping the curtains off the pole cos he's so heavy handed with them.
Traipsing in and out of the bedroom. Once I lay in bed trying to have a nap and counted, 14 fucking times he came in. For fuck all.

It's attention seeking, especially if I'm still in bed. He has a 'one up, all up' mentality.

MasterBeth · 14/04/2025 20:33

Another bonkers Mumsnet thread where posters answer with extreme certainty on what's happening when THEY CAN'T POSSIBLY KNOW.

Maybe the OP's husband has lost his hearing. Maybe he hates her and is being obnoxious. Maybe she is becoming more sensitive.

All totally possible.

Please, OP, be mindful that no-one knows.