Me and my partner have been together almost 10 years and have 2 young children together. He has always had a really short temper and snaps over the smallest of things. Recently things have gotten so bad I just don’t know where to turn, but also doubt myself that I’m overreacting or being overly sensitive.
He has only ever been physically abusive years ago, he pushed me when we were drunk and I went flying into a table in a bar. I told him if he ever laid a finger on me again I would be gone. Nothing physical has ever happened since and I don’t feel unsafe around him. But I can’t take the “emotional abuse” (or so that’s what I think it is) anymore. He regularly calls me names (dickhead, fat cow, idiot, stupid) tells me to “shut your mouth”. For years I’ve taken it, because he apologises after but recently I started to realise that his apologies were always followed with a “but”.
For example we argued the other week because our toddler woke up in the night and I was trying to calm her down on the landing. Her crying woke the baby up and my partner came onto the landing and shouted at me “shut the fuck up you’ve woke him up” because the baby had woken up. The next morning I said to him why do you think it’s ok to speak to me like that? In front of our toddler too? He apologised but it was followed with “ I’m sorry for speaking to you like that but you shouldn’t have been on the landing”. Am I overreacting? Because every time he speaks to me like that or calls me an awful name he apologises and admits he shouldn’t have done it. But then it happens again and again and I feel like I’m losing my mind.
I’m finding this so hard because I love him. He’s not lazy and does lots around the house whilst working full time. I work too but solo parent a lot of the time because he works long days. He’s an amazing dad too but I’ve noticed our toddler has started acting up. She thinks it’s acceptable to tell me to shut up. She hits me and takes her anger out on me. I bought her a book about feelings and one of the questions was “what makes you sad” and she said “when daddy gets angry” and “what makes you scared” and she said “when daddy shouts”. I felt heartbroken. I don’t want this life for my children. I’ve threatened to leave numerous times and his responses are “you’ll have nothing” “you’ll end up on your own in a council house”. Like I care? I couldn’t care less if me and my babies are alone in a council house. As long as we’re happy and my children feel safe. Then when I filled the forms out for housing and he realised I was serious he said he knows he’s got issues and he doesn’t want me to leave.
That was 6 months ago. Since then it’s carried on and things are just getting worse. I could go on for hours about all the hurtful things over the years he’s done or said.
He tells me I’m giving up on our family but honestly I’ve fought for us for years. Giving him chance after chance and I’ve just got nothing left in me now. No fight. I’m so physically and mentally drained I don’t even argue back anymore I just go silent which makes him worse.
Please someone tell me if I’m being irrational or if I need to leave?