Hen party brunch - is it normal for women to over-share like this?

[HeidiHiBye]

I’m genuinely intrigued as to whether I’m just a bit blinkered or if I’m in the minority with this sort of thing.

For my friends hen yesterday, I joined her and about 20 others for brunch and other activities. I didn’t know everyone there, with a mix of old school friends, Uni, work colleagues etc.

The drinks were flowing as expected and some of the women sat close to me turned the conversation onto more sexual matters. In no particular order, they covered - penis sizes of their other halves, favourite positions, oral preferences/techniques, their best former ‘shags’. One even complained their current partner is too passive and she’s considering leaving him as she just needs a ‘good f’ing’.

There was also topless waiters and two of the girls were speculating who’d have the biggest penis and be the best in bed.

I’m no prude but the line has to be drawn somewhere, and hearing how a certain position makes someone ‘squirt’ is beyond the pale for me.

Is this normal behaviour?!

I talk about sex with my friends but not in these terms - nothing personal about my partner, and nothing very personal about us. Past experiences perhaps, things I have/haven’t done, like/don’t like. It probably wouldn’t offend me to hear people speak like this, but I wouldn’t join in.

I would hate topless waiters/butlers in the buff/strippers. Happily never been to a hen do like that. And I wouldn’t like the comments about men’s bodies/body parts. I would find that offensive and I’d say something about that.

Generally I don’t mind an overshare. I love my female friends and love that we can talk openly and honestly. Of course, there is a line that’s different for everyone (and I’ve describe my line above).

I talk about sex with my friends but probably not anything too graphic like what makes me squirt and stuff like that. I think that's going a bit far tbh. And I have chatted about old boyfriends and sex but I think the general rule among my friends is that current boyfriends are off limits.

I am not a prude but I have never discussed these things with friends, I never ( out of respect for my partner) discuss our sexual activity or comment on his penis size…….sounds really tacky

I wouldn’t be shocked by it but I really don’t need to know the ins and outs of otger peoples sexual activity, it’s not interesting

I think the people who do it are just trying way to hard to try and convince people they are not prudes, it’s like the people who talk way too much about sex are probably not getting any

FGS people having sex since time began, its hardly a new thing and exclusive to just some people

I know it happens but I am not friends with people who carry on like this, man or woman it happens and this 'all women are sweet angels who are pure' idea is not real

Perfectly normal.

Agree it is very vulgar

So many people now feel the need to be so open about everything that nothing is private anymore

I don’t want to know the size of one of my friends partners penis and what he does with it and I’m damn sure he wouldn’t want me to have knowledge of this either

Maybe you should actually read the first post?

The hen do sounds tacky but the sex talk wouldn’t bother or shock me - pretty normal in my world to discuss in detail. What’s there to feel grossed out by? Most people are having sex. We all know what it is. And if my partner wanted to discuss our sex life with his friends he is entitled to imo. That’s what friends are for, if you can’t overshare with them then who can you? Shouting about the waiter’s penis size is a bit OTT though.

knowing the sizes of my friends’ dh’s penises? Nope 🫣

We are a close friendship group and the closest we’ve got to is discussing the impact of menopause on libido.

Because your partner is a separate individual with his or her own right to privacy.

It’s my right to talk about things that affect or relate to me, including my partner, with friends. I’m not hanging a banner with a magnified picture of his willy in our town centre. If he wants to date someone reserved and private the door/dating apps are that way, because that isn’t me.

So, ‘I have no respect for the equal right to bodily/sexual/other privacy of someone I purport to love because I have a big mouth and it is my right to trumpet the details of our sex life to friends’? Right.

Yes, it’s grim, but you don’t have to join in with it.

I’m a former journalist who used to write about my sex and dating life in national newspapers. I’d say that’s a pretty big clue as to what’s off limits for me to discuss (basically nothing). I respect people’s right to feel uncomfortable with that and choose not to date me, but given we’ve been together for several years I assume my partner’s fine with me and my big mouth.

Absolutely not.
Certain women enjoy that type of conversation and others live their lives happily without it.

I think that they were in a bar with topless waiters gives a hint to the class of company you were in.

Vulgar, grim and oversharing by a mile. Seeing topless waiters at the venue would be "oh, I'm sorry, something has come up at home"

Not my scene at all, but I'm sure they had fun.

I've voted YABU but only in relation to my life. I'm 21 and I and my besties discuss EVERYTHING. A group of 4 (usually) of us would each feel left out if we didn't know the sizes of our men and which position we were in last night.
BUT I know that isn't for everyone and I know I've had to be careful with some women - and EXTRA careful when with the men we talk about 😛.
From discussions with other gals I guess it's the "modern" way. We know how men talk about us so we're going to hit back.
Besides with particular relation to dicksize, that's been something we've discussed since we were in first school!

What do you mean 'if'? They do.

I'm a bit intrigued. I suppose like attracts like, so whereas I'm surrounded by extroverts who discuss dicksize, you're amongst women who'd rather not confide in each other?
But afaic that's what friends are for. My besties and I all know what each other gets at night, so to speak, and we'd be hurt if one of us didn't let on to the others.

We confide lots of personal/emotional things but we’re all on the same page, sex is between the couple. I would be horrified if I learned dh was telling his mates about stuff I do in the bedroom and how I look naked, so I of course show him the same respect.

Depends what you mean by over sharing. You are clearly very private and don't share much.
I share a lot, I tell my mum almost everything, and my 2 friends of 15 years literally everything. What's the point of bring friends? I may not be as direct or as brazen as this group to discuss the things you mention, but yes I've discussed things I'd prefer, in a very intimate discussion over 15 years.

but on mn such deep intimate discussions are not seen as the norm. Like answering the door! 😉

hearing how a certain position makes someone ‘squirt’ is beyond the pale for me

Sounds like the fantasy of a 15 year old boy. Did they have a naked pillow fight later in slow motion?

The whole thing sounds hideous

Meh, it’s normal for some women, some will only share a few bits, some will not share anything . I have friends/acquaintances in each camp and neither are better than the others.

yep

I actually feel that some of the pro-'openness' comments on here validate my concern that there is peer/media pressure to talk about this intimate stuff. It's got to the extent that if someone doesn't want to talk about everything then they are a prude/old-fashioned/uptight/something wrong with them. This is bs.

Similarly, if I don't want to use a vibrator, preferring a hard dick, then I am also old-fashioned/uptight/not open minded/etc and, stupidest of all, not sexual or in touch with my own body. .... also bs.

Just speak as you feel, OP, and you're fine not liking this stuff - you don't have to. It doesn't make you any less valuable a woman.

And my opinion on this is not humble at all.