Hen party brunch - is it normal for women to over-share like this?

[HeidiHiBye]

I’m genuinely intrigued as to whether I’m just a bit blinkered or if I’m in the minority with this sort of thing.

For my friends hen yesterday, I joined her and about 20 others for brunch and other activities. I didn’t know everyone there, with a mix of old school friends, Uni, work colleagues etc.

The drinks were flowing as expected and some of the women sat close to me turned the conversation onto more sexual matters. In no particular order, they covered - penis sizes of their other halves, favourite positions, oral preferences/techniques, their best former ‘shags’. One even complained their current partner is too passive and she’s considering leaving him as she just needs a ‘good f’ing’.

There was also topless waiters and two of the girls were speculating who’d have the biggest penis and be the best in bed.

I’m no prude but the line has to be drawn somewhere, and hearing how a certain position makes someone ‘squirt’ is beyond the pale for me.

Is this normal behaviour?!

I’m with you OP.

It’s a disgusting way to talk about your partner. Really disrespectful. If men got together and talked about how baggy or tight their girlfriends vaginas were and shared intimate details of their sex lives, they’d be ripped to shreds on here. It’s not okay for women to do this about their male partners.

And topless waiters of either sex are gross too.

I was with you until you said it ok to talk like this with a close friend. It’s not! That’s actually worse as your close friend will know your partner well. I’d be humiliated and furious to find my H talked to his best friend about my vagina and vulva and sexual preferences. What a betrayal! I don’t want his mate I hang out with at our house or social events to know this!

Betrayal like that is a dumpable offense.

I remember a couple of very frank conversations in my shared house in my 20s. It was quite educational to mostly inexperienced me. It wasn't usual conversation, just when we decided to have a house night together and that's the way the conversation went. It was a change from whinging about work.

I wouldn't be comfortable with topless waiters and speculation about their penis size, though, especially not in front of them.

So I think a venue with topless waiters was the clue. I’d have probably researched the venue once announced and opted out once I understood what the tone was going to be.

This would make me really uncomfortable and I am pretty sure none of my friends talk like this about their partners - with people they barely know and have just met - I am probably a bit of prude, though.

It's grim but I am now intrigued in the squirting position 🤔

Thanks @Kittykat9070 fot the careers advice

It's a drunken hen do at a venue with topless waiters. It's not really surprising the convo turned to sex. You don't need to talk about that yourself but they're adults and it's all in the spirit of the venue I guess? You're lucky they didn't get a stripper up. There was someone on here who ended up sucking off the stripper behind a flag?!
So count yourself lucky! 🤣

It was poorly worded on my part. I wouldn’t talk like OP has described with anyone but I actually don’t think it’s wrong to share concerns etc with a friend eg “I’m having trouble orgasming since becoming peri menopausal” or “I’m worried my partner isn’t as interested in sex these days…” that kind of thing.
Discussing intimate things I’ve done with my partner, discussing his “performance” or “technique” etc, no. That’s off limits. The only person who should be in a detailed discussion about my sex life is the other person I’m having sex with…

No problem, sounds like you know every thread that’s posted on here inside out! You’d be a sterling asset to the mumsnet team 😏

Alcohol consumption has a lot to answer for.

We're all sitting here on a sober Sunday morning. When people drink together inhibitions drop away and tongues loosen.
They wouldn't have behaved that way if they hadn't been drinking.

I'm not even being judgemental in saying that. Have a drink and let your hair down if you like...I do. Just so happens I'm not interested in the smut. I will talk other types of shit.

So yeah...alcohol. It makes people drunk.

Actual lolz 😜

.

Definitely not normal! Occasionally my close friends and I have joked about a guy's dick or weird sex (pre having long term partners). We don't talk about long-term partners like that at all. Obviously we have a moan but that's different.

This wouldn’t bother me at all. They’re grown women who can talk about what they want. I can see a topless waiter, ponder the size of his cock with friends and still be a professional person and good wife and mother. Saying ‘His will be massive’ doesn’t mean those women were cheating on their partners later that night.

Scroll on by then, it's easy to do. Proof if needed the world is full of imbeciles.

There was recently a thread where the op was describing how her DH had been talking with other people about his sex life with her.

The concensus on the thread was pretty much LTB.

So what do we have here? Should all of these women's partners leave them?

My husband AFAIK would be unlikely to do that, and so would I. I wouldn't want to hear about it from friends, well maybe when I was 16....??

I'm not sure why it happens and I'm not sure why people do it but I don't like the double standards between the sexes.

I don't understand how women have been sucked into this idea that equality with men means embracing all the disgusting behaviours that some men indulge in. Sadly a lot of women have joined the race to the bottom and think it's cool to behave like men at their worst.

Agree. There was a thread a while back in which the OP found out her fiancé was engaging in WhatsApp ‘bants’ with work colleagues about other women. Most posters were adamant that she should leave him because what he considered ‘just bants’ indicated that he was a misogynistic twat and that he would make her miserable. Which makes some of the comments here quite surprising, to say the least. Double standard anyone ?

Have you actually read the OP?

I have one friend I might talk about sex to. Otherwise, no.

this hasn’t happened on any hen do I’ve been on.

Yeah and that was not real.

@IrritatedEarthling

I agree. There seems to be a discrepancy between the women posting advice on here and what I have experienced in real life.
I saw that thread too and was brought to mind of the conversations between women I have been privvy to. That thread was stridently LTB but, I think, unrealistic and full of bluster. People do talk. Friends will talk. Things will be said. It doesn't always signal something sinister.

My friends and I wouldn’t do this but I expect a fair few women do - horses for courses.
I wouldn’t be shocked to be honest, more fascinated by it all and have a good laugh about it afterward.
Btw I once sat next to an A&E nurse at a social gathering and her stories of what’s removed from various orifices had me laughing and reaching for the sick bag in equal measure.

Is the brunch element relevant? Would have you had a different class of conversation if it was an afternoon tea?

It's not something I would join in with but meh, different strokes, its not a surprise that people talk like that after a few drinks is it?

Agreed.

Sounds like the group were a bunch of scutters. Hate to tell you...

Uuurgh, that just sounds sleazy and awful. Wouldn’t enjoy it either.