Hen party brunch - is it normal for women to over-share like this?

[HeidiHiBye]

I’m genuinely intrigued as to whether I’m just a bit blinkered or if I’m in the minority with this sort of thing.

For my friends hen yesterday, I joined her and about 20 others for brunch and other activities. I didn’t know everyone there, with a mix of old school friends, Uni, work colleagues etc.

The drinks were flowing as expected and some of the women sat close to me turned the conversation onto more sexual matters. In no particular order, they covered - penis sizes of their other halves, favourite positions, oral preferences/techniques, their best former ‘shags’. One even complained their current partner is too passive and she’s considering leaving him as she just needs a ‘good f’ing’.

There was also topless waiters and two of the girls were speculating who’d have the biggest penis and be the best in bed.

I’m no prude but the line has to be drawn somewhere, and hearing how a certain position makes someone ‘squirt’ is beyond the pale for me.

Is this normal behaviour?!

Right. So female strippers are there to sexually gratify men, and female clients of male strippers sexually gratify men?

I really dislike the double standards of this kind of thing. My friends and I do occasionally discuss sex in general terms, but not in that leery, desperate way.

Topless men/how big d'you reckon his cock is?/phwoar I'd do him - anything like that pisses me off. We wouldn't tolerate men talking about women like that, so why is it okay to objectify men and belittle their bodies and performance. I think of my lovely 18 year old DS and get really fucked off with it all. And don't even get me started on Loose Women...

I’d find it distasteful, too. If that makes me a prude then so be it.

Absolutely agree. Me and my close friends have very deep and personal conversations but I can’t say we’ve ever discussed cock size and what makes us squirt.

Tbh I find the whole topless waiters/male strippers thing tacky and cringey anyway so this hen party would be my idea of hell on earth

Incredible. This is like saying if men were in a strip club they could discuss which of their partners is the best shag and who likes it up the arse.

The double standards are baffling!!

They are cheap trashy people who drag society down.
There seem to be ever more of them around.
Most relevant for MN is that someone raised them to be this way.

A lot of men do talk like this! I work with a LOT of men and they can be rank. A complete eye opener when they don't think you're listening

I do remember having conversations about our respective sexual experiences, in quite a serious vein, with close friends when we were in our early 20s and sex was quite new to us. I've never had that kind of conversation at a hen party, but I've been to very few hen parties because I'm boring and not a person people think of inviting to that kind of event. I wouldn't discuss my sex life nowadays, but if others want to talk about theirs, it wouldn't be a problem with me.

I've experienced explicit conversations twice, but both times it was more about what the girls themselves liked in general, how many lovers they'd had, most risqué location, top fantasy, kinky books they liked reading etc.

It didn't involve eyeing up waiters or other men, or talking about their partner's preferences or bodies. I still didn't really enjoy the conversation though.

Its a Hen party AND a Bottomless Brunch, they are unlikely to be discussing the Works Of Shakespeare.
Its why I would never go to either of those 2 things, let alone a combination of the 2 BUT some people must enjoy them.

It would only be double standards if @BobbyBiscuits had said that men shouldn't discuss those things in a strip club.

I don't know anything about men in strip clubs, but I can't imagine them even thinking about their partners while there. They probably compartmentalise the experience.

Be grateful they weren't Butlers in the Buff...

<shudder>

Grown women get drunk and chat shit - fetch the smelling salts!

Not normal in my world. However I think the topless waiters probably set the scene.

Yeah imagine a group of husbands talking about their wifes vagina in detail. Women would hate that

This sums it up for me...

The OP didn’t ask how should I have responded to this? She asked if it was normal.
These kind of why didn’t you say something? responses (often, I think, from keyboard warriors) are really boring. Real life is not always like that and people keep quiet for all kinds of reasons — in this instance, maybe the OP realised she was in the minority and she didn’t want to cause a scene or create an atmosphere if everyone else was having fun…?

Edited to add: I’d have hated it, OP!

Ugh, way too much information.

I am guessing they also didn't realize that women don't "squirt". That's actually urine coming out.

This. There are threads on here bemoaning that men overshare and then here we are with this.

Have some blooming dignity and keep it to yourself

I was trying to get an idea of what the situation was like. It’s a normal part of a discussion.

It’s been a long time since I had to go to a hen party (thank god) but I’d say that’s normal for a hen party that features shirtless waiters, yes.

I don’t think talking about sex, per se, is really a problem at a hen party. I realise that on Mumsnet hen parties are usually a spa weekend or a quiet meal out, but in the real world things are quite different and I’d say that most hen parties probably have a pretty raucous vibe.

I mean, ultimately it’s OK for women to talk about sex, and I’m guessing these were women who knew each other well and were comfortable with each other, so you were the outlier and they didn’t realise they were offending you. I generally loathe hen weekends myself; not my thing at all. But my closest friends and I, the ones I’ve known since my teens and 20s through our wildest years, have definitely had these conversations in private. Being from the More magazine’s ’Position Of The Fortnight’ / Sex & City generation probably set the tone for that when we were younger.

It is, however, disrespectful to talk about a current partner’s penis size IMO. There’s a big difference in talking about one’s own sexual preferences and invading the privacy of a partner.

Well I for one would hate that! Imagine their partners would too.

When you said oversharing I thought you meant things like health conditions, who's on mounjaro- I know women and 1 guy like that, but I would probably want to crawl out of the bar rather than sit there awkwardly listening.

It sounds like the discussion became crude, poor waiters!!

Generally though I don’t think people talk enough about sex and that’s why so many women don’t have good experiences!! There’s a post on here at the moment where a wife doesn’t want sex ever again and the number of women agreeing they’d rather do anything else is astonishing. Maybe if they had talked more about their experiences over the years with friends, they’d know what was possible and hold their partners to a higher standard in bed.

I know that hen dos have now a tradition of being raucous, bawdy, alcohol-fuelled etc. I think that's vile. I hate it, it's not me, my hen do will be me and my daughter and DIL, sister, mum, whoever else close, having a lovely time being pampered and having supper cooked for us by a personal chef etc. A reverential pre-nuptial experience.

But lots of women do go for the rough hen dos and love them.

Personally I would feel sick if I knew what made a female friend have that 'reaction'.

I would love the topless waiters though. They would have soothed me.

Exactly. Adults can discuss their sex lives in strip clubs, hen do, down the pub. You don't have to like it but there's nothing actually wrong with it in certain circumstances. People are allowed to share their feelings about their own lives?