Am I too sensitive about bad language? TW bad language

[Bundit]

I'm just back from an unplanned evening out. I went out late afternoon to have a drink with friends and then various other people turned up and we ended up going for a meal. There were nine of us, including a woman I hadn't met before.

She was interesting and funny and, like the rest of us, in her 50s with grown-up kids. She's a director of the local health board, so not stupid. Beautifully groomed and elegant-looking. But every other word that comes out of her mouth is a swear-word.

I'm no pearl-clutching Snow White myself: I swear a fair bit. But when I swear I swear because I'm angry and use the words for emphasis. This woman just peppered fairly ordinary conversations with expletives. I can't begin to reproduce her way of speaking. It wasn't just 'fucking this and fucking that'. It was all sweary and rude. Everyone in her life, including her colleagues and kids, she described as fucking arsewipes and cretinous wankers and worse. She's very inventive in her cursing. There were moments when it was quite Shakespearian.

I started off thinking it was weirdly amusing, but that wore off and I began to find it aggressive and unpleasant. She must had read my thoughts because she took me aside and said she knew she was strong meat and she hated seeing people pulling back as a result of her language. She said she's always been like this and her kids, in their late teens, are the same. She showed me a video on her phone of her stunning young daughter, who's hoping to study medicine, calling her mother every name under the sun.

She actually seems quite a warm person, and she's got to be intelligent to hold the position she does, but the swearing began to feel really repellant and I ended up being the first to leave. Someone else in the group asked for a lift and on the way home commented on how funny this woman was with her non-stop swearing. I said well, it really began to grate on me and I didn't think I could bear being around her for long. The person I was giving the lift to told me I sound really old-fashioned and need to stop being so sensitive. Now I don't know what to think. It's not a simple matter of disliking the language she uses. The effect of all those words really feels aggressive to me. Does anyone here understand what I'm talking about?

I'm sweary too, but it's weird that she doesnt adjust her speech to her company. And very weird to play you a video of her daughter swearing at her. Who shows videos of their kids on nights out?

Oh pickles makes you sound very twee, I'd judge that too. I also wouldn't utter evil goblin for the same reason - I think best to say nothing really. But isn't it interesting how people who don't like swearing still feel the need to sub swear words with sugar or fiddlesticks (not very creative either). Mil say flaming bunches of tulips - which I find quite amusing - still wouldn't say it though.

‘Custard’ is a good faux swear.

A pleasing portmanteau of ‘cunt’ and ‘bastard’.

As a rule of thumb, being accused of pearl clutching means you’re right. It’s on the same category as “over thinking” and “fun sponge”

I'd say just trying to do it under your breath is the best way. At least you are trying. Alternative words are just as annoying.

I use words like dick, nob and bellend. Cunt is no different to me. I'm all for egalitarianism.

You can tell who the feminists are — and who has no idea, can't you?

Can you? Don't feminists swear?

The feminists of my acquaintance don't use the word cunt as an insult.

Yes, I do use it all the time when when 'larking about with my friends', whatever 'larking about' is supposed to mean. My friends are people who aren't offended by the word 'cunt' in the right context. You then made a whole heap of assumptions about me and the kind of person you've decided I am.

Perhaps you should make up your mind, because in some posts you think nobody should ever use the word 'cunt' and if they do it means you're an ignorant, thoughtless misogynist who doesn't care about anyone's feelings. But now you're saying 'Well, all right, you're using it only in certain scenarios so that's different'.

I'm not sensitive to swearing as D'S has Tourettes. I'm very desensitized to it, as well as growing up in a working class town and living in a similar place. I'm used to it, but there s a time and place and I usually modify my speech to th e group I'm with.If someone is sensitive I avoid it as the kind thing to do.

All that tells you is that you choose feminist friends who are similar to you.

It doesn't indicate that there are no feminists who use the word 'cunt' as an insult.

If you're not comfortable with using the word, don't use it. That's fine. But that doesn't make you more of a feminist than a woman who does. I am a proud feminist and I'd say that most of my friends are too. Some of us will happily describe someone as a cunt, some won't. Ultimately, it's a personal preference. Other feminists don't have to agree with your own arbitrary rules of behaviour before they can be considered feminists. Other feminists are allowed to disagree with you.

No, I think it's very clear from this thread that you absolutely cannot.

I think cunt is a brilliant word - so much power. Fanny - sounds weak and twat is a bit throw away - but it's cunt that wins the trophy for impact. All mean the same thing but we seem to get very worked up about cunt. Why is that?

I’d be like you OP. Foul language is triggering for me. DP uses swear words every day and I’m mightily sick of it. Driving is the worst as every other driver is a dick wanker, bellend fucking this that etc.
My daughter called her sister a bellend yesterday, we had strong words. She didn’t even know what it meant.
Maybe that woman is intelligent but presumably she’s doesn’t use language like that on the ‘Board’ of whatever so she’s using it to get a reaction.

@RobertaFirmino”I use words like dick, nob and bellend. Cunt is no different to me. I'm all for egalitarianism.”

As a test-would you call your teenage son to “stop being a cunt?” Or tell him something he did was a “cunt move”?? If you’re watching The Apprentice together as a family would you say that a candidate’s a “bit of a cunt”?

It's bad enough men swear. Women certainly shouldn't. Not ladylike or intelligent sounding.

Now that's misogyny!

uses the same words that abusers use against their victims

You're stretching very hard here, Fluent. Abusers use all sorts of words against their victims: lazy, greedy, jealous, selfish, irrational, stupid, ugly (off the top of my head). They also string neutral words together to form insulting sentences and use tone of voice to make ordinary remarks into threats.

If you never uttered insults, potential insults or sentences on the basis that abusers use them, you'd have given abusers absolute power over your speech.

[Cunt is] a vicious and truly awful word

The C word is a much more vicious and offensive word

A slang word for the vagina is considered more offensive, revolting, vicious and "vile" than slang for the penis. Never stopped to think about why that is? You're saying vaginas are vicious, offensive, and much nastier than penises?

I'm saying that in our culture, the C word is probably the worst swear word there is. You can deconstruct it and split hairs as much as you like, but the fact remains that it's not socially acceptable and is considered deeply offensive to most.

God, how awful. Your poor daughters, being taught that that word is socially acceptable. Are you trying to stymie their chances in life or something?

But why does it offend you is it because everyone told you to be offended?

Because of it’s intention. For most people It is meant to be a vulgar, disgusting and insulting word.

Do you understand why such words are not used in job interviews, on the news, etc. etc?

Once again, you seem to believe that everyone who uses the word cunt are using it completely discriminately. Why on earth do you imagine that this poster's daughters aren't fully aware that there's a time and place for different types of language? You're making so many odd assumptions.

I doubt she's told her daughters that it's a good idea to say cunt in a job interview or to a group of strangers. But there are actually situations in which it is, in fact, perfectly socially acceptable to use the word cunt. If you're in a social situation with other people who don't mind it, then it is, by definition, socially acceptable.

For some women (me included) it's their preferred term for that part of their body when in bed with their partner. For some groups of friends it's a word that's a source of humour or even affection. That doesn't mean they're not capable of modifying their language according to the company they're in, and choosing their words to suit.

As for affecting 'life chances', your mind would be blown if you heard some of the conversations extremely successful people when they're being informal. Two of my friends are KCs, another is a Cambridge-educated professor of mathematics, another is a politician. Their life chances have certainly not been affected by their willingness to say 'cunt'.