Am I too sensitive about bad language? TW bad language

[Bundit]

I'm just back from an unplanned evening out. I went out late afternoon to have a drink with friends and then various other people turned up and we ended up going for a meal. There were nine of us, including a woman I hadn't met before.

She was interesting and funny and, like the rest of us, in her 50s with grown-up kids. She's a director of the local health board, so not stupid. Beautifully groomed and elegant-looking. But every other word that comes out of her mouth is a swear-word.

I'm no pearl-clutching Snow White myself: I swear a fair bit. But when I swear I swear because I'm angry and use the words for emphasis. This woman just peppered fairly ordinary conversations with expletives. I can't begin to reproduce her way of speaking. It wasn't just 'fucking this and fucking that'. It was all sweary and rude. Everyone in her life, including her colleagues and kids, she described as fucking arsewipes and cretinous wankers and worse. She's very inventive in her cursing. There were moments when it was quite Shakespearian.

I started off thinking it was weirdly amusing, but that wore off and I began to find it aggressive and unpleasant. She must had read my thoughts because she took me aside and said she knew she was strong meat and she hated seeing people pulling back as a result of her language. She said she's always been like this and her kids, in their late teens, are the same. She showed me a video on her phone of her stunning young daughter, who's hoping to study medicine, calling her mother every name under the sun.

She actually seems quite a warm person, and she's got to be intelligent to hold the position she does, but the swearing began to feel really repellant and I ended up being the first to leave. Someone else in the group asked for a lift and on the way home commented on how funny this woman was with her non-stop swearing. I said well, it really began to grate on me and I didn't think I could bear being around her for long. The person I was giving the lift to told me I sound really old-fashioned and need to stop being so sensitive. Now I don't know what to think. It's not a simple matter of disliking the language she uses. The effect of all those words really feels aggressive to me. Does anyone here understand what I'm talking about?

Would you use chavvy in an interview?

Toilet goblin, not total goblin. And I'd rather sound like a twee twat than a rough, common, thick Waynetta, which is what the C-word makes people sound like.

"Rough, common, thick Waynetta" my god you are classy, aren't you!

Calling people rough, common and thick - you have lovely manners, don't you? You certainly don't need to say cunt to let us all know who you are.😄

Never claimed to be otherwise, my darlin'!

Yup!

I said that the C word MAKES PEOPLE SOUND as if they're rough, common, and thick. Not that they ARE.

Reading comprehension, my little swear-babies!

"Rough, common, thick, Waynetta" are, ironically, much more "rough" insults than cunt.

I wouldn't no, but then I don't approve of bad language use.

Chavvy may not be the best word to describe what I mean, I mean as is sounding uncouth.

Bad language belongs in the gutter.

No, no, they really are not. How can you be so socially unaware?

I would never use those words to describe anyone

We clearly differ on standards - I'm done with this conversation - it's becoming quite unpleasant.

They could still be used, they are perfectly valid words but there are plenty of words from much further back still in modern useage. I speak a dialect that still uses quite a few older words from Saxon, Old, and Middle English, yes I could use those in an interview in that area and be understood but I'm most unlikely to because it wouldn't be appropriate to assume such familiarity as to speak dialect but there is nothing offensive in the meaning of the words. There are times and places for all sorts of words ... "mate", or "blue", or "Twinkletoes" are often used and yet not appropriate for an interview situation and yet perfectly acceptable day to day.

In the middle ages towns and cities in the UK had Gropecunt Lane which was indeed intended as a literal description of the sex work industry in those area. Chaucer and Shakespeare both joked about with the word. It wasn't considered offensive, it was just a body part, those two writers also had a great deal of fun with phallic words and imagery too, yet no one denies that they both made an immense contribution to the English language and their inspiration on literature even to this day that those two writers make despite both of them writing for the normal folk to enjoy.

This reminds me of the plant Fuchsia, it's named after a botanist called Leonhart Fuchs and yes it is supposed to be pronounced and indeed was pronounced Fuk-see-ya until the Victorians decided to be offended by it. That plant nor it's nomenclature has anything to do with fuck, it just sounds like it, it's just a surname.

And that's the thing isn't it in our Age of Offence which has been going on since Victorian times, we can choose to be offended by things or we can choose to remove their power to offend and reclaim it's meaning as just the body part, act of conjugation in it's biological sense, or bodily function these words are. Because at the end of the day, an insult, whether it is using a swear word or not is still insulting, whether it's idiot, wanker, pooface, or cunt. The word in and of itself is just a word, that you choose to allow it to have power over you and remain in a Victorian grip of offendedness is entirely your choice.

Swearing is like farting: sometimes you can’t help it, but any adult who thinks it’s clever is an idiot.

As a feminist, I’d never use the word cunt as an insult. I’ve been sexually assaulted too often to have the same respect for men’ bodies.

There’s nothing misogynistic about OP’s surprise at well-dressed Sweary Mary, as she was using language more often heard from poor dirty broken alcoholics ranting in the street.

Because at the end of the day, an insult, whether it is using a swear word or not is still insulting, whether it's idiot, wanker, pooface, or cunt. The word in and of itself is just a word, that you choose to allow it to have power over you and remain in a Victorian grip of offendedness is entirely your choice

Isn't this a contradictory statement? The word is just a word and you choose to be offended yet you say using any of those words is an insult? How confusing.

They are just words, however insults are intended and as such all words used with intent to insult are insulting regardless of the idea of good or bad words

You don't have to take offense at an insult, you don't have to take offense at "bad" words, you can choose to stop giving other people power over you through choices of language.

ETA You give an insult and offense is taken, you don't have to take offense. I see insults as a recognition that the insulter lost the argument ages ago and has nothing left in their bag of tricks so I don't feel the need to take offense.

ETA You give an insult and offense is taken, you don't have to take offense. I see insults as a recognition that the insulter lost the argument ages ago and has nothing left in their bag of tricks so I don't feel the need to take offense.

I like that. Someone calling me names says more about them than me. I see what you mean.

Socially unaware doesn’t come into it, my experience is that using words like “chavvy” and “rough” are pretty grim and wouldn’t be used by anyone of any class, whereas I have experienced plenty of high-standing individuals who would use “cunt” even to describe a situation ie “it was a cunt of a journey!” Sweating in and of itself is not “chavvy” on any level, but using such grim descriptions with as “thick watnetta” ironically is. Innocuous swearing is in my opinion far preferable to the judgemental comments you’re making.

I agree with you, OP. I find that level of swearing very aggressive and difficult to listen to.

Someone saying something along the lines of "I had a fucking awful day yesterday" is fine, but the constant personal insults you're describing sound horrible.

Especially the misogynistic insults of slag and cunt etc are vile. Even if used as a supposed "joke", I most definitely wouldn't be laughing.

I'd never be able to be friends with someone who spoke like that. Definitely wouldn't be able to date or marry them. Wouldn't be thrilled to hire them for a job either.

This woman is really not setting her daughter up for success by teaching her to constantly swear in such an aggressive way.

If we're reclaiming, say, fuck as as just an "act of copulation" then why use it as an insult at all? If we're reclaiming it for its literal meaning, then we'd only use it to describe sex, not having a bad day or as an insult aimed at someone we don't like.

Imagine someone whose spouse constantly berates and insults them (fucker, cunt, slag...). That's a form of abuse in my book and should not be tolerated. Trying to tell the victim "you're choosing to be offended" is victim blaming at its finest.

In your opinion, I think using words like comment regularly is vile

Comment was supposed to be cunt.

I know a few people who like to tell others how awful the word cunt is. Ironically, they’ve all used it themselves at various points in time.

Nope, not here

Well, I know two people on the Privy Council, two well-known MPs, and plenty of other "high-standing individuals" as you call them, in law and medicine, (all via my STBX's family) and none of them would dream of speaking like that. I've been to many in-law parties where they're in attendance, and they absolutely do not speak like that. And I said that atrocious language makes people SOUND rough etc even if they're not. I don't go round telling people that they sound so - wouldn't dream of it - but if someone uses vile language (except in extremis), then yes, I do think they sound lots of negative things. Why would you want to make yourself sound like that???

Not here, either. In moments of extreme frustration I really spit out the F word, but the C word is not on my radar nor in my mind.