Am I too sensitive about bad language? TW bad language

[Bundit]

I'm just back from an unplanned evening out. I went out late afternoon to have a drink with friends and then various other people turned up and we ended up going for a meal. There were nine of us, including a woman I hadn't met before.

She was interesting and funny and, like the rest of us, in her 50s with grown-up kids. She's a director of the local health board, so not stupid. Beautifully groomed and elegant-looking. But every other word that comes out of her mouth is a swear-word.

I'm no pearl-clutching Snow White myself: I swear a fair bit. But when I swear I swear because I'm angry and use the words for emphasis. This woman just peppered fairly ordinary conversations with expletives. I can't begin to reproduce her way of speaking. It wasn't just 'fucking this and fucking that'. It was all sweary and rude. Everyone in her life, including her colleagues and kids, she described as fucking arsewipes and cretinous wankers and worse. She's very inventive in her cursing. There were moments when it was quite Shakespearian.

I started off thinking it was weirdly amusing, but that wore off and I began to find it aggressive and unpleasant. She must had read my thoughts because she took me aside and said she knew she was strong meat and she hated seeing people pulling back as a result of her language. She said she's always been like this and her kids, in their late teens, are the same. She showed me a video on her phone of her stunning young daughter, who's hoping to study medicine, calling her mother every name under the sun.

She actually seems quite a warm person, and she's got to be intelligent to hold the position she does, but the swearing began to feel really repellant and I ended up being the first to leave. Someone else in the group asked for a lift and on the way home commented on how funny this woman was with her non-stop swearing. I said well, it really began to grate on me and I didn't think I could bear being around her for long. The person I was giving the lift to told me I sound really old-fashioned and need to stop being so sensitive. Now I don't know what to think. It's not a simple matter of disliking the language she uses. The effect of all those words really feels aggressive to me. Does anyone here understand what I'm talking about?

I have not implied that. You have inferred that.

Bundit said she would conclude things about me based upon my use of the word cunt. I said she could could conclude anything she chose from my use of that word.

I have made no comment whatsoever on use of the N word.

In the message of hers that she replied to, she also talked about the N-word. You replied about cunt, but not the N-word. You said "make of it what you will" that you stepped away at that point, so I am indeed making of it what I will! Also drawing further inferences that you haven't denied it.

YANBU OP, disgusting behaviour espscially for a 50yo and also the fact her children have replicated her ways and she doesn't seem to care, she sounds proud of it even!
There is way too much casual use of offensive language nowadays....I even work in a professional council role in children's services and hear it from colleagues daily.
Sign of the times that it often feels like nobody seems to be fussed about the impact of their behaviour on anybody else around then...just wrapped up in themselves with an 'I am what I am deal with it' attitude rather than ever taking any responsibility to improve.

She talked about it, not me.

If you're really so invested in my beliefs, do an Advanced Search and see of the rest of my posts look like they belong to an American racist.

Indeed, consider the sort of person who argues for the use of the words "fuck" and "cunt" being used by women as being part of an English tradition of using body parts as insults and ponder whether that sort of person tends to be an American racist.

And finally, recall that even Bundit didn't suggest that I used racist language. She just said that it was the kind of word "that says more about the user".

And then wonder whether, by your wild extrapolations based on nothing but the proximity of one word to a completely different one, you might have made a bit of a twat of yourself.

I'm not offended by profanities. There are far worse words in use. Use the word 'cunt' until you're blue in the face, I don't care. Use a racist, homophobic or disablist word and I'll make my disapproval known. Usually by calling the utterer a cunt.

I can't search as I don't have the paid version of MN.

You invited me to "make of it what you will" so I did! 🤷‍♀️

So racist, homophobic, and disablist comments are not OK but misogynistic swear words are?

I don't think cunt is misogynistic unless the context it's used in suggests hatred of women. Just as calling someone a dickhead or a wanker isn't necessarily misandristic.

The C word is a much more vicious and offensive word than those two. And the first is often used in abuse situations, whereas the other two aren't. They're more usually used almost as terms of endearment.

I think it's sad to hear so of so many women on here using the C word. It has a level of hate and aggression and misogyny that most swear words or insults don't. No one should be using it, except perhaps in extremis. The sisterhood, especially, should know better.

Intriguing that you feel "oh, pickles" demonstrates your extensive vocabulary.

OP, I think I'd just have been fascinated by this woman's style. I would have commented on it rather than sitting there in silent distaste. It sounds very performative and rather like her 'brand', which extends to her family. Lots of people perform personal branding, for instance they might showcase their erudition or their social rectitude.

I'd imagine I swear quite a bit more than you do. I'm just as likely to refer to someone as a cunt or a twat as to call them a dick or a knob. I'm not invoking actual sex organs here, any more than I'm professing knowledge of someone's parentage when I call them a bastard.

I haven't used 'arsewipe' for years! I shall keep an eye open for opportunities: thank you 😆

I work in a bar setting. I swear like a sailor when I'm there and so does pretty much everyone else. Doesn't mean I can't control it though when I need to. My guess is she was just letting herself get loose. Also swearing doesn't mean uneducated or low class, I have a degree in English education and have. a great fondness of the word fuck. It can be a noun, adjective, verb and pretty much everything in between. Also the only word that can be put in the middle of another word.

If you can post, you can search. You don't need the paid version.

I have never heard anyone use the word “misandrist” who wasn’t a misogynist. There is, of course, always a first time….

I agree.
But I would go further.
It shouldn’t be used.
Full stop.
Not even, as you say in extremis.
It is so misogynistic.
Find another word.

Not remotely. I have three daughters and we've owned the word cunt. It's a beautiful word.
Life's too short for clutching pearls.

She sounds awful. I agree with you @Bundit

She calls her daughter a slag?! That’s so disgusting, no wonder the daughter is using the similar type of language she’s knows no other way.

my daughters are so precious and wonderful, I can’t imagine a mother speaking like that to them

The daughter may also be doing it to minimise the effect on her. I know a woman who was called awful names by her father and needed therapy.

in place of a swear word oh pickles is more professional, and then other suitable none curseing words can be used too

It’s awful. It doesn’t exactly ooze elegance and class does it.

Who are the people where it’s common place to be calling each other cunts and arsewipes to their kids. So disrespectful

Sorry if this has already been commented on, (I’m in a hurry!) but my husband is Polish and they use ‘ ‘Kurwa’ (pronounced ‘kurva’) ALL THE TIME. It’s an awful word - it literally means bitch or whore (similar to puta In Spanish or putain (?sp) in French)- and is liberally peppered throughout speech by everyone, even my god-fearing mother in law. I hate it but equally realise it’s not actually meant rudely towards women. Next time you have the chance to listen to any Polish being spoken, have a listen! Once you hear it you can’t unhear it!

excatly