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Original poster

Am I too sensitive about bad language? TW bad language

276 replies

Bundit · 12/04/2025 23:20

I'm just back from an unplanned evening out. I went out late afternoon to have a drink with friends and then various other people turned up and we ended up going for a meal. There were nine of us, including a woman I hadn't met before.

She was interesting and funny and, like the rest of us, in her 50s with grown-up kids. She's a director of the local health board, so not stupid. Beautifully groomed and elegant-looking. But every other word that comes out of her mouth is a swear-word.

I'm no pearl-clutching Snow White myself: I swear a fair bit. But when I swear I swear because I'm angry and use the words for emphasis. This woman just peppered fairly ordinary conversations with expletives. I can't begin to reproduce her way of speaking. It wasn't just 'fucking this and fucking that'. It was all sweary and rude. Everyone in her life, including her colleagues and kids, she described as fucking arsewipes and cretinous wankers and worse. She's very inventive in her cursing. There were moments when it was quite Shakespearian.

I started off thinking it was weirdly amusing, but that wore off and I began to find it aggressive and unpleasant. She must had read my thoughts because she took me aside and said she knew she was strong meat and she hated seeing people pulling back as a result of her language. She said she's always been like this and her kids, in their late teens, are the same. She showed me a video on her phone of her stunning young daughter, who's hoping to study medicine, calling her mother every name under the sun.

She actually seems quite a warm person, and she's got to be intelligent to hold the position she does, but the swearing began to feel really repellant and I ended up being the first to leave. Someone else in the group asked for a lift and on the way home commented on how funny this woman was with her non-stop swearing. I said well, it really began to grate on me and I didn't think I could bear being around her for long. The person I was giving the lift to told me I sound really old-fashioned and need to stop being so sensitive. Now I don't know what to think. It's not a simple matter of disliking the language she uses. The effect of all those words really feels aggressive to me. Does anyone here understand what I'm talking about?

OP posts:
Youaremythtaken · 12/04/2025 23:24

It wouldn't offend me but I would find it tiresome. It all sounds very performative and attention seeking. Especially the part where she apparently 'hates' seeing people pull back because of her language but then continues to behave the same way. She can't actually hate it that much then?
What an idiot.

LittleMG · 12/04/2025 23:27

I swear a bit like the woman you described. I think it’s the way I was brought up, it doesn’t mean anything to me it’s just words. I can see how it’s annoying maybe but it’s a bit of just who I am so maybe you just don’t like her. I’m the sort of person who shows how I feel I can’t hide stuff it’s just me. I’d just say maybe you just won’t be great friends but at least you can see some good in her personality and respect her?

TalkToTheHand123 · 12/04/2025 23:32

Bad language is a big trigger for me. I politely request people refrain with people I regularly interact with. I get quite shocked at the negative response though and the number of times I need to mention it.

I tak DD9 to the park and hear bad language regularly from age 8ish year olds to mid teens.

Original poster
Bundit · 12/04/2025 23:33

I’m the sort of person who shows how I feel I can’t hide stuff it’s just me.

See, the thing is that I have no idea how she feels about anything in any detail. because everything is just fucking wank buckets etcetera. (Sorry, I just can't do this kind of swearing properly!) It ends up just being aggressive noise because it's not direct communication. And I can see that she loves her daughter and her daughter loves her, but it seems almost an avoidance of authentic feeling for her daughter to stand there, being filmed, calling her mum a hideous old cunt and making awful comments about her body and her sex life and the things she lets her boyfriend do to her.

I just don't get it, obviously...

OP posts:
KeyToTheCity · 12/04/2025 23:33

They're only words so you sound uptight about that. Also you sound in awe of her from the way you write about her.

She does sound very annoying however and attention seeking.

Original poster
Bundit · 12/04/2025 23:36

'Only words.'

See, I have no idea how to respond to that because to me words are soo important. Trying to find the right word to explain something matters to me. When a mother jokingly (apparently) calls her lovely young daughter a slag as a joke.... that word has resonance and shock value to me.

OP posts:
LittleMG · 12/04/2025 23:36

Bundit · 12/04/2025 23:33

I’m the sort of person who shows how I feel I can’t hide stuff it’s just me.

See, the thing is that I have no idea how she feels about anything in any detail. because everything is just fucking wank buckets etcetera. (Sorry, I just can't do this kind of swearing properly!) It ends up just being aggressive noise because it's not direct communication. And I can see that she loves her daughter and her daughter loves her, but it seems almost an avoidance of authentic feeling for her daughter to stand there, being filmed, calling her mum a hideous old cunt and making awful comments about her body and her sex life and the things she lets her boyfriend do to her.

I just don't get it, obviously...

Gotta say i certainly wouldn’t have said those things to my mum, but I definitely wouldn’t have told her to f ing shut up (in a joking way) I think by you last update that because you don’t communicate like that you can’t understand people who do. That’s ok but maybe it’s just a thing where you are never going to be able to be friends or like each other. You don’t get her and she probably thinks you’re a bit judgy.

ForPeppyRoseMaker · 12/04/2025 23:38

I cannot stand swearing either, I work in a daycare setting, and am shocked by the number of educators who swear throughout the day without even realising it.I pull them up on it, and the look of shock they give me is puzzling.

Notgonnalieaboutthis · 12/04/2025 23:41

People who use bad language every few words in a sentence = poor language skills / tedious to listen to / need to grow up, nobody is impressed / go down hugely in my estimation

SherlockHolmes · 12/04/2025 23:42

I'm with you OP, I would hate this. To me it sounds unnecessary and an affectation to get attention. Not big and clever just very boring.

Bundleflower · 12/04/2025 23:43

I swear like a trooper in the ‘correct’ context but this sounds utterly tedious!

HundredMilesAnHour · 12/04/2025 23:45

You sound very judgemental and it sounds like you very obvious about it given she took you to one side. That’s incredibly rude of you.

Her upbringing and her choices are clearly very different to yours. But you couldn’t manage one evening without demonstrating your judgement? That reflects more badly on you than on her. Yet you don’t even sound slightly uncomfortable about your behaviour. Instead you continue to judge her and her family. Shameful of you OP.

IReallyLoveItHere · 12/04/2025 23:46

I used to work in a small team with someone similar and we all caught it. Had to make an effort to stop.

Fair chance she's surrounded by equally sweary people each day and doesn't even notice. I wouldn't be at all offended but it'd be hard to speak to her without constantly thinking about it.

IrritatedEarthling · 12/04/2025 23:48

I agree with you, Op. Such a performance from this woman would make me think she is trying to hide major anxiety and a lack of self confidence.

despairdespair · 12/04/2025 23:50

I hate unnecessary swearing…limited vocabulary are my thoughts!!!
I swear occasionally,but in context.

ShortyShorts · 12/04/2025 23:53

"Beautifully groomed and intelligent looking"

"Her stunning daughter"

It's fine to dislike bad language, but your posts smack of misogyny.

So if they weren't easy on the eye so to speak, the swearing wouldn't have shocked you?

You'd be ok with swearing from less attractive looking women?

MarkingBad · 13/04/2025 00:00

Sounds like she enjoys shocking people why show someone a vid of her DD swearing? Very weird

Its up to you if you do or don't like it.

cato40 · 13/04/2025 00:03

I am with you too. Don't get the value this type of language adds to a message if not trying to sound aggressive and 'cool'. Also using that language with people you barely know is a massive let down for me. I think you showed respect and have been polite and she properly felt judged because she knows not everybody is a fan of her act. Shame because she could have been fun person to be with

Original poster
Bundit · 13/04/2025 00:04

ShortyShorts · 12/04/2025 23:53

"Beautifully groomed and intelligent looking"

"Her stunning daughter"

It's fine to dislike bad language, but your posts smack of misogyny.

So if they weren't easy on the eye so to speak, the swearing wouldn't have shocked you?

You'd be ok with swearing from less attractive looking women?

Edited

It was the contrast between the polished exterior and the aggressive roughness of the language that came as a shock. No, I wouldn't have felt comfortable with it coming from anyone in the way it did, male or female. I find it hard to imagine how she manages at work. I've never worked anywhere where that kind of language would have been considered acceptable.

OP posts:
ShortyShorts · 13/04/2025 00:07

Bundit · 13/04/2025 00:04

It was the contrast between the polished exterior and the aggressive roughness of the language that came as a shock. No, I wouldn't have felt comfortable with it coming from anyone in the way it did, male or female. I find it hard to imagine how she manages at work. I've never worked anywhere where that kind of language would have been considered acceptable.

Edited
Show quote history

Misogyny at its finest.

ItGhoul · 13/04/2025 00:11

Bundit · 12/04/2025 23:36

'Only words.'

See, I have no idea how to respond to that because to me words are soo important. Trying to find the right word to explain something matters to me. When a mother jokingly (apparently) calls her lovely young daughter a slag as a joke.... that word has resonance and shock value to me.

I appreciate that trying to find the right words matters to you - but there are times when the ‘right’ word for you won’t feel like the ‘right’ word to someone else. As far as this woman was concerned, she was using the words that feel ‘right’ to her.

As for how she and her daughter speak to each other, that’s not really any of your concern. All that matters is how they feel about it.

All that being said, I agree that the woman you’re talking about sounds like someone who is swearing performatively, which annoys me. I actually swear a lot myself - much more than most of my friends, and probably with ‘worse’ words - but I do choose my moments and I’m also capable of modifying my my language with people I don’t know or who don’t like it.

My pet hate is middle-class people who think it’s hilarious to use made-up compound swear words like wankpuffin and cockwomble. It invariably makes me want to say ‘Mate, you can just say ‘cunt’ you know.’

Original poster
Bundit · 13/04/2025 00:11

ShortyShorts · 13/04/2025 00:07

Misogyny at its finest.

Show quote history

Well, having been a feminist since the age of 14 and spent 18 years in a relationship with another woman I'll say you're entitled to your opinion and you couldn't be more wrong. One can be completely women-focussed and find the behaviour or attitudes of some women less than comfortable.

OP posts:
WxyzWxyz · 13/04/2025 00:12

I agree with you OP.

At one time swearing meant something: an outlet for anger or pain.

Now it's just everywhere, and all age groups do it and it's so unattractive and unappealing. And quite frankly it's now just boring.

And as a pp said it smacks of a limited vocabulary and imagination. Any idiot can, and does swear. It's people that can use a wide variety of words that are interesting and have something to say. They don't need to resort to profanities.

I wonder how this woman's " stunning young daughter" will get on if she goes into medicine. I can't see her swearing at the patients going down well and if she's been brought up to think using foul languis the norm it will be a hard habit to break.

Original poster
Bundit · 13/04/2025 00:13

It invariably makes me want to say ‘Mate, you can just say ‘cunt’ you know.’

But why would any woman want to use the word 'cunt' as a swear word? It's a great Anglo-Saxon word for an amazing part of a woman's body. I hate hearing women call people cunts in an attempt to offend them. It's profoundly misogynistic.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 13/04/2025 00:14

LittleMG · 12/04/2025 23:27

I swear a bit like the woman you described. I think it’s the way I was brought up, it doesn’t mean anything to me it’s just words. I can see how it’s annoying maybe but it’s a bit of just who I am so maybe you just don’t like her. I’m the sort of person who shows how I feel I can’t hide stuff it’s just me. I’d just say maybe you just won’t be great friends but at least you can see some good in her personality and respect her?

But if it bothers other people?
Are you the same at work?
Are you like this around children?

And I wouldn't respect someone who is doing something deliberately that they know bothers other people