Am I too sensitive about bad language? TW bad language

[Bundit]

I'm just back from an unplanned evening out. I went out late afternoon to have a drink with friends and then various other people turned up and we ended up going for a meal. There were nine of us, including a woman I hadn't met before.

She was interesting and funny and, like the rest of us, in her 50s with grown-up kids. She's a director of the local health board, so not stupid. Beautifully groomed and elegant-looking. But every other word that comes out of her mouth is a swear-word.

I'm no pearl-clutching Snow White myself: I swear a fair bit. But when I swear I swear because I'm angry and use the words for emphasis. This woman just peppered fairly ordinary conversations with expletives. I can't begin to reproduce her way of speaking. It wasn't just 'fucking this and fucking that'. It was all sweary and rude. Everyone in her life, including her colleagues and kids, she described as fucking arsewipes and cretinous wankers and worse. She's very inventive in her cursing. There were moments when it was quite Shakespearian.

I started off thinking it was weirdly amusing, but that wore off and I began to find it aggressive and unpleasant. She must had read my thoughts because she took me aside and said she knew she was strong meat and she hated seeing people pulling back as a result of her language. She said she's always been like this and her kids, in their late teens, are the same. She showed me a video on her phone of her stunning young daughter, who's hoping to study medicine, calling her mother every name under the sun.

She actually seems quite a warm person, and she's got to be intelligent to hold the position she does, but the swearing began to feel really repellant and I ended up being the first to leave. Someone else in the group asked for a lift and on the way home commented on how funny this woman was with her non-stop swearing. I said well, it really began to grate on me and I didn't think I could bear being around her for long. The person I was giving the lift to told me I sound really old-fashioned and need to stop being so sensitive. Now I don't know what to think. It's not a simple matter of disliking the language she uses. The effect of all those words really feels aggressive to me. Does anyone here understand what I'm talking about?

I think I might quietly step away from here.

And you can conclude anything you like from that.

Some posts calling the op misogynistic for mentioning polished looks, but everyone seems to have missed this:

making awful comments about her body and her sex life and the things she lets her boyfriend do to her

...which is more than swearing

If you took out the swear words, was she actually saying anything interesting or being nice about anyone at all? You’ve said she was slagging off her colleagues, insulted the waiter, called her daughter a slag (yuck) in a ‘jokey’ way… it all sounds a bit grim.

I wouldn’t turn a hair if someone went on a sweary rant about e.g. a horrible ex-husband or Elon Musk. But just generic abuse of anyone who she mentioned in conversation sounds tedious as hell. And especially calling the waiter a ‘little fucker’, very unpleasant.

No, it wasn't targeted in the way you describe. Everyone was a fucker or a bitch or an old slapper or an asshole. My best guess is that this is her style and is supposed to be funny.

If you think those that swear have limited vocabulary have you ever stopped to think they use all the words you do plus the extra swear words so in fact have a wider vocabulary.

See, I would be instantly turned off by someone going on a loud sweary 'c' filled rant about Elon Musk too. To me that would imply they were trying to impress the group with "look how left wing I am. Look how cool and 'right on' I am. I can virtue signal so well that I can act as incredulous as possible by calling Elon Musk (an acceptable figure to call names) a cunt and a fucking dick wipe "

The man has questionable views. Stating he has questionable views and you don't agree with them says it louder. Or not even mentioning him to give him air time, even better.

Yet, are those sweary crass babyish name calls allowed to other figures that have extreme left wing views that are fucking up our current society?

To me if someone says "fucking orange cunt, fucking crazy fat psycho loon with a face like a pissed off granny " re: trump. I'd think they were a childish, unable to argue articulately, left wing virtue signaller (who will usually add in some more undignified insults if a black/brown/LGBTQIA+ member is present ) it's performative and eye rolly. What's wrong with "their views don't align with mine. Personally speaking I think they're rather bigoted and causing harm to our society "

Leys not forget, people were not allowed to insult Axel Radakubana's personal appearance without being called a racist. People were actually sticking up for that evil child murderer. Has to work both ways ? Or to me - you're nothing but a virtue signaller and I'd take your opinion of Musk/trump as less valuable.

I’m a really sweary person. From the basic fuck to twatwaffle and anything in between. I can fluently swear in more than one language too. There’s a time and place though. I find I’m more sweary around other sweary people. I don’t swear during the work day (unless I’m on break/lunch) as I work with children. I swear around some colleagues and never around others.

I might find this woman funny and match her sweariness or I might find her quite overwhelming and a bit of a dick. It all depends on the circumstances.

It honestly sounds like the adult equivalent of when 3 year olds yell 'bum' 'poo' 'willy' indiscriminately because they think it's hilarious.

I like a good swear every now and then but i would only talk like that around people i know who wouldnt be offended. Certainly not around strangers. Just like i wouldn’t bang on about my political views in front of strangers. I think this woman lacks social skills and clearly feels the need to put up a protective front through swearing.

Swearing doesn’t bother me. I am terrible for it, I swear a lot.

what would bother me is the ‘performative’ aspect, like she’s a standup comedian wanting everyone to laugh at the new phrase that rolled off the end of her tongue

id have gone home early too 🙄

Nothing against you personally but I couldn't be bothered having to tailor how I am speaking to people sure I won't debate inflation with a 2 year old but I just think it's easier not to swear in the first place rather than having to think 'oh there's a child best not swear'

I would have HATED to be in her company and I would have left early.

She sounds very tedious. The sweary equivalent of people who say proudly "I’m mad, me!" If she hates how it makes people draw back, why keep doing it? Perhaps she sees it as a crucial part of her personality, which would be sad.

Nothing against swearing but if you do it all the time it loses its meaning and you have nothing left to make an impact when you really need it.

Presumably her daughter is able to control her language at school, when talking to teachers. She certainly won’t get far in a medical career unless she can control it.

I agree that attacking personal appearances trivialises issues and sounds immature, as does making up silly nicknames. But if someone said “Elon Musk is the richest man on earth but is such a fucking cunt, he’s using his power to take away food from millions of starving people, remove essential medications for millions more with HIV and TB, plus the assault on US democracy and on basic rights to healthcare and social security, going on a massive fucking ego trip of death and destruction.” I’d say that was appropriate use of swearing actually.

My brain switches automatically so there isn’t a lot of effort or thought process going into it. Even when I got really hurt , it still did its thing whereas at home I would’ve been swearing up a blue storm.

Not saying “shut up” though, that took a lot of time and conscious effort.

But if someone said “Elon Musk is the richest man on earth but is such a fucking cunt, he’s using his power to take away food from millions of starving people, remove essential medications for millions more with HIV and TB, plus the assault on US democracy and on basic rights to healthcare and social security, going on a massive fucking ego trip of death and destruction.” I’d say that was appropriate use of swearing actually.

And I wouldn't disagree with you, except I'd wince at you using the word cunt (a cunt is an amazing thing that women should be proud to own and not an insult).

I hate swearing but seem to swear uncontrollably when angry. There seems to be more swearing in day to day convesations. I hear a lot of young children swearing. It never sounds nice.

Swearing has its place, but when it’s all the time, or in every sentence, it starts to jar, and I find it gets in the way of what someone’s saying.

Just wondering, is it just English which lends itself to swearing so well? Fuck is such a versatile word, whether as noun, adjective, verb, whatever, so it’s really easy to slide into any sentence. I know a little German, can chat in French (slowly), and can swear in both, but neither seem to lend themselves to the mid-sentence swearing. Would be interested to hear from speakers of other languages.

I'm hardly beating you up! I just genuinely didn't understand it. Your title literally says your post is about swearing. So if someone is as sensitive as you say about even seeing swear words written down, they would probably steer clear of this post.

The swearing does sound a bit much and over the top, but I don't think I would be offended. I would say she sounds like she has zero self awareness. But actually sounds like she does and she kind of revels in her offensiveness. So i just wouldnt give her the satisfaction. I bet she is one of those people who say 'you either love me ot hate me', which I tend to interpret as 99% of people hate you love!

Being rude to or about the staff is something I absolutely can't abide though, so I would have her marked as an absolute dick for that alone.

Forgive me, it was 1am and I was being accused of being a misogynist: it felt like one more deliberate misinterpretation of something I'd done in order to try to warn people of a sensitive disposition.

@Bundit totally respect your viewpoint on ‘cunt’ but if you think about it ‘fucking’ taken literally can also be amazing and is essential for the continuation of the human race!

Unfortunately, I think swearing in an ordinary conversation, seems to be more common nowadays. I'm not really sure of the reason behind it. Lower standards perhaps. I understand swearing in anger or to emphasis a point but when it's in the context of a normal, friendly conversation, it becomes at the very least tiresome. If your complaining to someone about someone else 'She left without fucking paying and I had to foot the bill', that's emphasising a point. If you're saying 'I had to go fucking grocery shopping', that's swearing unnecessarily or to gain attention. The woman's children swear, because they've learnt the behaviour from her. She doesn't see anything wrong, so therefore neither do they. I'm certainly not pearl clutching either, I swear and my husband more so. However, there's a time and a place for it.

In some languages anything can become a swear word if you add your mum’s to it. From onion to cross to cunt(or the equivalent). The equivalent of cunt can also mean anything from really good/excellent to really bad to gay/effeminate. The equivalent of dick is always negative. The equivalent of fuck isn’t as versatile but it can be used in different ways /contexts, again mostly negative.

I would have found this very uncomfortable too. I would have left with you.
I don’t like hearing swearing particularly, especially in general conversation and what you have described sounds pretty awful to me.
Clearly lots of people think it’s fine - we all have our own experiences that make us feel and react to situations differently.
To some people, me included it’s not just words. Sticks and stones and all that.

But how she and her daughter speak to each other became OP's business because the grade A show off went to the trouble of showing her a video. That's bizarre behaviour and you've got to wonder when she started grooming her kids to be her performing monkeys.
@Bundit don't let it bother you. She's tedious, performative, immature and stunted by the sound of it. It's ok not to like it, in spite of what the Cool Kids on here say. Swearing is part of life (and I don't believe any one who says they never swear) but this sounds like unpleasant attention seeking. You weren't rude to leave; she was rude to confront you about it. It's not her right for people to have to listen to her nonsense. She's just an extreme version of the "I say it as I see it" bores that you come across in life. Hopefully you'll never have to be in her company again so forget about her. She's as socially inadequate as someone someone who sits and says nothing would be deemed to be.