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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I too sensitive about bad language? TW bad language

276 replies

Bundit · 12/04/2025 23:20

I'm just back from an unplanned evening out. I went out late afternoon to have a drink with friends and then various other people turned up and we ended up going for a meal. There were nine of us, including a woman I hadn't met before.

She was interesting and funny and, like the rest of us, in her 50s with grown-up kids. She's a director of the local health board, so not stupid. Beautifully groomed and elegant-looking. But every other word that comes out of her mouth is a swear-word.

I'm no pearl-clutching Snow White myself: I swear a fair bit. But when I swear I swear because I'm angry and use the words for emphasis. This woman just peppered fairly ordinary conversations with expletives. I can't begin to reproduce her way of speaking. It wasn't just 'fucking this and fucking that'. It was all sweary and rude. Everyone in her life, including her colleagues and kids, she described as fucking arsewipes and cretinous wankers and worse. She's very inventive in her cursing. There were moments when it was quite Shakespearian.

I started off thinking it was weirdly amusing, but that wore off and I began to find it aggressive and unpleasant. She must had read my thoughts because she took me aside and said she knew she was strong meat and she hated seeing people pulling back as a result of her language. She said she's always been like this and her kids, in their late teens, are the same. She showed me a video on her phone of her stunning young daughter, who's hoping to study medicine, calling her mother every name under the sun.

She actually seems quite a warm person, and she's got to be intelligent to hold the position she does, but the swearing began to feel really repellant and I ended up being the first to leave. Someone else in the group asked for a lift and on the way home commented on how funny this woman was with her non-stop swearing. I said well, it really began to grate on me and I didn't think I could bear being around her for long. The person I was giving the lift to told me I sound really old-fashioned and need to stop being so sensitive. Now I don't know what to think. It's not a simple matter of disliking the language she uses. The effect of all those words really feels aggressive to me. Does anyone here understand what I'm talking about?

OP posts:
Wishyouwerehere50 · 13/04/2025 16:42

When I'm completely overwhelmed, saying cunt is such a release for me. I do have a somewhat feral background even though I'm well educated and did pretty ok considering. Yet I know how misogynistic it is. 🤦

I don't think you're over sensitive. If you don't like the extent of swearing, that's absolutely your right to feel that way. It seems that her character is probably the more annoying part. Attention seeking, a bit showy, sorry not sorry mentality. That's a bit tedious. Possibly very insecure deep down.

tillyandmilly · 13/04/2025 16:45

I hate swearing- my parents never swore - I am gobsmacked by some people with “F” this and “F”that even worse in front of their kids ! Hate it!

User19876536484 · 13/04/2025 17:05

When I'm completely overwhelmed, saying cunt is such a release for me

I have never said it in my life. But then I don’t swear at all.

It takes me ages to put together playlists for my gym classes.

SpanThatWorld · 13/04/2025 17:38

ThisFluentBiscuit · 13/04/2025 15:50

Um, I conclude that you use the N-word???!!!!

I mean ... you can conclude anything you want from the fact that i decided to step away. We're never going to meet. It's entirely irrelevant.

ThisFluentBiscuit · 13/04/2025 17:59

@Titasaducksarse Are people still offended by cunt?

Yes, very much so. Many people's opinion of you will drop like a stone if they hear you using it. It's a vicious and truly awful word.

ThisFluentBiscuit · 13/04/2025 18:00

SpanThatWorld · 13/04/2025 17:38

I mean ... you can conclude anything you want from the fact that i decided to step away. We're never going to meet. It's entirely irrelevant.

Edited

Are you in the US?

ThisFluentBiscuit · 13/04/2025 18:02

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 13/04/2025 16:38

It’s nothing to be ashamed of , either. It just is.

It is something to be ashamed of. Swearing is aggressive, unpleasant, uncreative, and uses the same words that abusers use against their victims. It's very much something to be ashamed of, if used frequently.

FoxRedPuppy · 13/04/2025 18:07

There’s load of research that people who swear are actually more creative and intelligent!

I love swearing, and particularly the word cunt. I appreciate the potential anti-feminism of it, but it’s such a lovely word to say!

They are only words?

ThisFluentBiscuit · 13/04/2025 18:14

FoxRedPuppy · 13/04/2025 18:07

There’s load of research that people who swear are actually more creative and intelligent!

I love swearing, and particularly the word cunt. I appreciate the potential anti-feminism of it, but it’s such a lovely word to say!

They are only words?

I find that very hard to believe, and if they were only words, verbal abuse would not be a thing.

FoxRedPuppy · 13/04/2025 18:25

You can abuse someone without swearing though too. It’s not the words it’s the intention and tone.

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 13/04/2025 18:26

ThisFluentBiscuit · 13/04/2025 18:02

It is something to be ashamed of. Swearing is aggressive, unpleasant, uncreative, and uses the same words that abusers use against their victims. It's very much something to be ashamed of, if used frequently.

Uncreative? Out of all the things…Grin

FoxRedPuppy · 13/04/2025 18:27

Mostly what studies found was that intelligent people swear more, have a wider vocabulary and are more honest and better at expressing themselves.

CurlewKate · 13/04/2025 18:30

I’m not offended by the use of cunt. I just object to misogynist language of any sort. And I do find the whole “Look at me, I’m so fearless and outspoken!” thing a bit tedious.

ThisFluentBiscuit · 13/04/2025 18:38

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 13/04/2025 18:26

Uncreative? Out of all the things…Grin

Yes, uncreative. What do you think took more effort and originality of thought between "little fucker" and "toilet goblin"?

ThisFluentBiscuit · 13/04/2025 18:40

FoxRedPuppy · 13/04/2025 18:27

Mostly what studies found was that intelligent people swear more, have a wider vocabulary and are more honest and better at expressing themselves.

A wider vocabulary of swear words, perhaps, which isn't the same as a wider vocabulary full stop. And yes, I suppose swearing could connote honesty, since you're letting your true feelings out.

MarkingBad · 13/04/2025 18:42

ThisFluentBiscuit · 13/04/2025 18:38

Yes, uncreative. What do you think took more effort and originality of thought between "little fucker" and "toilet goblin"?

How is one of those better than the other? They are both insulting.

soupyspoon · 13/04/2025 18:42

Bundit · 13/04/2025 00:13

It invariably makes me want to say ‘Mate, you can just say ‘cunt’ you know.’

But why would any woman want to use the word 'cunt' as a swear word? It's a great Anglo-Saxon word for an amazing part of a woman's body. I hate hearing women call people cunts in an attempt to offend them. It's profoundly misogynistic.

Not as well used as 'dick' and all its connotations though is it?

I have a massive potty mouth as do my colleagues, we are professionals too, similarish to the woman you describe.

Its the way we express ourselves, simple as that.

I also wouldnt change what Im saying for someone who is offended. You have the right to be offended. But thats all.

ThisFluentBiscuit · 13/04/2025 18:45

FoxRedPuppy · 13/04/2025 18:25

You can abuse someone without swearing though too. It’s not the words it’s the intention and tone.

Swearing is verbal violence. If it wasn't, it wouldn't be taboo. It's aggressive, unpleasant, and unnecessary, and it's 100 per cent a tool of abuse.

And whether the research you linked is correct or not, frequent swearing for no good reason is linked to lower intelligence, lower social class, lower self-awareness, and lower manners, in the eyes of many people listening. It makes people look really bad. You can say it's just words, but you wouldn't be correct. Words have meaning.

If it's all so harmless, why don't we swear in interviews? Why don't BBC newsreaders say things like "Effing Hamas has invaded bloody Palestine; what a bunch of fucking cunts" if it's all "just" words, hmm?

Icanttakethisanymore · 13/04/2025 18:55

KeyToTheCity · 12/04/2025 23:33

They're only words so you sound uptight about that. Also you sound in awe of her from the way you write about her.

She does sound very annoying however and attention seeking.

They are only words, although tbf, words are all we have, right? (I’ve never evoked boyzone before but whatever). I’m not planning to hit anyone so it’s always just words…. However, I wouldn’t get upset about swear words, so I disagree with you and agree with you, all at a the same time.

FoxRedPuppy · 13/04/2025 18:59

ThisFluentBiscuit · 13/04/2025 18:45

Swearing is verbal violence. If it wasn't, it wouldn't be taboo. It's aggressive, unpleasant, and unnecessary, and it's 100 per cent a tool of abuse.

And whether the research you linked is correct or not, frequent swearing for no good reason is linked to lower intelligence, lower social class, lower self-awareness, and lower manners, in the eyes of many people listening. It makes people look really bad. You can say it's just words, but you wouldn't be correct. Words have meaning.

If it's all so harmless, why don't we swear in interviews? Why don't BBC newsreaders say things like "Effing Hamas has invaded bloody Palestine; what a bunch of fucking cunts" if it's all "just" words, hmm?

Cunt has actually been used in a Radio 4 afternoon play.

FoxRedPuppy · 13/04/2025 19:00

Also the BBC newsreaders etc have to be neutral, so probably can’t call Hamas fucking cockweasles 😂

soupyspoon · 13/04/2025 19:02

I think they swear a lot on Aussie TV.

ThisFluentBiscuit · 13/04/2025 19:07

FoxRedPuppy · 13/04/2025 19:00

Also the BBC newsreaders etc have to be neutral, so probably can’t call Hamas fucking cockweasles 😂

Even if they would dearly love to!

ThisFluentBiscuit · 13/04/2025 19:10

MarkingBad · 13/04/2025 18:42

How is one of those better than the other? They are both insulting.

One is creative and original and gets the point across without swearing, which isn't easy. and the other is none of those things. You're being disingenuous when you pretend you can't see a difference.

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