Not pulling out for flashing cars?

[MyNewSnail]

I was at the supermarket today and was turning right onto a main road. The road was empty and the car coming to my right stopped and flashed for me to come out.

I didn't want to pull out and she gave me abuse when I eventually did (just kidding I was shaking my head and shouting at her for her to drive but she wouldn't)

My reasoning is that there was zero need for the car to stop and should she hit me (on purpose or accident) than I'm at fault.

Aibu

Insurance fraud by this method, while not completely unheard of, is imo a lot rarer than this thread is making it out to be. These days so many drivers are using dash cams and that makes it a lot harder for those trying to commit fraud to succeed. I’m not claiming it’s never happened, but tbh if I wanted to commit insurance fraud I’d far sooner just wait until someone was right up my exhaust pipe (regular occurrence) and then slam my brakes on. Remember: vehicle behind is liable; job done and claim validated.

So a lot of needless panicky scaremongering on this thread imo.

Here’s a typical example of where flashing is helpful and entirely appropriate:

Youre traveling along in a 30 in heavy traffic, going probably around 20-25.
You can see in the other lane, a car indicating to pull across your lane into a side road. There is a long backlog of cars behind this one waiting for the car indicating to get across and out of the way.
You can see that infront of you the traffic is heavily bunched up and going nowhere fast.
So you slow to 15-20mph leaving a gap of maybe 50m and flash the car that is waiting. You’re no where near them, and you’re letting them know, showing them that they have ample time to get across. Only 1-2 seconds required.
There are no right of way conflicts for the waiting driver as they are turning into a side road (or driveway even)

This is how it works most of the time.
Virtually all drivers see this as good etiquette and helpful, and will thank you for doing so. The huge queue behind the indicating driver is thankful too.

That’s how it works in the real world.

You were being silly

If you go from the pov that any driving move that isn't strictly in accordance with the Highway Code is an act of aggression or malfeasance, then I take your point; but I would personally see the two as comparable.

Similarly, if I see an old person using a mobility scooter waiting indefinitely to cross through a very long line of traffic and I'm able to stop the traffic and offer them a gap IF they're happy that it's safe, then I will continue to do so.

I don't follow your "damn both sides" point?

And if you were taking a car driving test, then you were a novice in that particular respect - however road-aware you already were (and how is any other driver seeing a car with an L-plate and more than one person in it to know how confident or experienced you are?).

Maybe it's a big city thing, as I live in a semi-rural market town, so we don't tend to have the 'delights' of mass organised insurance fraud.

Again, maybe because we don't have a big-city road system like a rabbit warren, we do have several roads where bottle-necks are common and unavoidable and you can expect to wait for several minutes if somebody doesn't kindly flash to let one or two cars out now and again.

I'd do the same. I want to make my own decisions. I'm not going to pull out just because someone flashes or waves unless I can be certain the road is clear, including cyclists etc in blind spots.

Even worse when there;s just no need, i.e. the only car or last car in the queue, where it'd be easier and safer for them just to continue and let me pull in behind them with better visibility etc.

But if in a long queue of stationery or slow moving traffic, then fair enough, it's a nice favour to do, as long as I have good visibility that it's clear,

What really annoys me is when someone slows down and flashes you when the road is completely clear behind them. By the time they've slowed and you've assessed they are letting you out it has taken longer than them just driving on past.

I live on a road like pp that has bumps and there have been accidents when people have thought they had been flashed.

Ugh yes, there's an epidemic of that in this rural area, usually accompanied by impatient performative gesturing by men of a certain age. Mate, there's literally nobody behind you 🙄

Could I also mention cyclists enthusiastically gesturing for you to overtake them on a blind bend?? If you're a cyclist, please please please don't do this. I want to make my own decision on when it's safe to overtake.

Someone flashing you does not absolve you of your responsibility to look out for other road and traffic considerations. It does not mean that you don’t observe any other hazards that might be there due to oncoming traffic/pedestrians or anything else.

It simply means that the driver flashing you has observed your situation and is trying to give you space to do what you want.

They’re not driving your car for you.

someome did this to me once and I pulled out and they drove right into me. Of course I was at fault so I have never done that again.

So you're suggesting we should ignore the Highway Code?

Rule 110
Flashing headlights. Only flash your headlights to let other road users know that you are there. Do not flash your headlights to convey any other message or intimidate other road users.

Rule 111
Never assume that flashing headlights is a signal inviting you to proceed. Use your own judgement and proceed carefully.

You’re not meant to flash other drivers to let them out as you can’t possibly see what’s around to make it safe. I always ignore and don’t care if they get arsey

I say the scenario described by @Lonelycrab can be done without flashing lights. If you want to let someone go, slow down, and let them decide.

In the advanced driving test that driving instructors have to take, you can fail for flashing headlights to tell someone to go. I know someone who failed on this: they used to be a bus driver, so were used to flashing for the benefit of another bus in front, telling them they can move away from the stop. Another thing people often failed on was: you must use a bus lane if it’s allowed at that time, because of the rule about keeping to the left in general. (I thought this was pointless, but it caught lots of people out.)

This reminds me of the tedious over-played ‘boundaries’ thing.
I can’t imagine even contemplating this to be an issue. If it’s safe, just wave thanks and pull out, ffs.

I agree. Whilst I obviously always check for myself whether it's truly safe to go before moving, I'd say that 99% or more of the time that somebody flashes me to go, it IS a welcome (and practical) kindness that helps me.

Only on MN would an everyday offer of a kind gesture - whether you accept it or decline it - be assumed to be a deliberate act of bullying or aggression!

Even in cases (as complained about on here) where somebody is the only car on the road, so they could just keep going and be gone in 5 seconds anyway, I think some people fail to realise that they are also acting as a safety 'barrier' for you - so that any vehicles that may be haring along and appear out of nowhere behind them will also have to stop, whether they like it or not.

This is also my thinking when I stop to let slow old and/or vulnerable folk cross in front of me, even if there's (currently) nothing behind me: I've seen their need to cross, noted that they will likely take much more time than a fully able-bodied young person to cross and have temporarily 'closed off' that lane of traffic to enable them to take as much time as they need to safely cross, regardless of who may end up behind me.

I often wonder on MN threads about driving whether a lot of the people who participate in the discussion are actually drivers - or if they've never been behind the wheel in their lives, but they own and occasionally glance at a copy of the Highway Code, so they assume that they pretty much know the full score!

It’s baffling, isn’t it?
I can’t recall a single time someone’s flashed me out and it’s either been:
a) unsafe
or
b) aggressive/controlling/overstepping etc etc

I had a colleague who at first was really confused by being waved or flashed out and thanked by other drivers constantly. Once he realised that this was how most of us drive here and that they weren’t actually confusing him with somebody they knew, he loved our driving courtesy and has gone from being really quite confused to absolutely embracing it. I just can’t see a negative. But that’s Mumsnet for you!

One of the many Mumsnet syndromes (and probably many other websites) is that not many people want to admit to doing the “wrong” thing, so many will parrot the “official” line; in this case, the Highway Code, whether they actually obey it to the letter or not. It’s probably more about quoting it, than actually obeying it.

Another thing I learned in driving instructor training is that when the speed limit goes up, you’re supposed to wait until you’ve passed the sign, then check mirrors and increase your speed. I’ll eat my hat if anybody other than a newly qualified instructor actually does it that way, rather than speeding up on approach.

It’s a small courtesy between strangers that makes people feel more like they are living in a friendly community rather than a jungle. Obviously social media will attempt to discourage it.

Other drivers are just trying to be courteous and helpful. Shame you see an act of kindness to negatively.

If someone flashes me to indicate that I can pull out, I will do if it's safe, but I've been fooled by cars going over humps, so I've stopped doing it now as I can see it's potentially dangerous.

Flashing to signal isn't the worst breach of the Highway Code, but it shows some people either don't realise or care what the rules are.

In much the same way people drive cars over mini-roundabouts, when they are quite able to drive round them as you are required to do.

I think we all agree driving standards are getting worse in the UK.

....Even if it's dangerous and you're specifically told not to do it in the Highway Code?

Does that mean I we can all have our own personal interpretation of the rules?

No one should be flashing lights, unless you are warning of a hazard, same with the horn to warn you are there. People use them aggressively and in a way that they like to think will manipulate others on the road - which is very unsafe.

Exactly - if they don't know the highway code, why would you trust them to pull out?

Those 'simple kind gestures' are just changing the rules of the road. If you're not the car that is pulling out or the flasher, then how are you suppose to predict what the other road users are suppose to be doing?

Unbelievable that this is 50/50 on the poll. That means 50% of drivers think it’s ok to ignore the Highway Code