Am I mad for considering this living situation? Setting up house with parents AND brother

[Bourte]

I am in a very weird place mentally. I am experiencing a bit of an existential crisis. Have become very conscious of the fact that humans are not designed to spend all day creating PowerPoints and sitting in a very unremarkable new build in a London commuter town.

My parents have suggested this completely mad set up. They have found the MOST gorgeous stone farmhouse in Devon with two VERY good sized cottages. Bigger than my home now. And when I say they could be featured in Home and County it is no understatement. Someone with obviously amazing taste has or even an interior designer has done the whole place up. The terrace with its plants and flowers is second to none. We are taking vaulted ceilings, stone fireplaces, flagstaff floors etc. There are various gardens which are just spectacular.

The properties are fairly separate also. Being used as an income right now.

I work from home and could probably get away with going into London one day a week. My husband is very up for the idea but he is a bit of an introvert with very sporty hobbies. The cottage that would be ours is 3 possibly 4 bed. It’s on the edge of a gorgeous town with a lot going on.

My brother is a long haul pilot so he really just needs a place to rest his head.

We get on very well and have never had a problem with boundaries .We are probably polite to a fault.

I mean it has a winding gravel drive way with electric gates ffs.

Am I mad??

I live in a very unremarkable new build semi that is beyond cramped with no garden to speak of

But if they rent out the cottage OPs money will be tied up in the property. The parents would need to to have enough cash to buy out OP, which they may not have.

I think this is crucial.

Both you and your brother are clearly still young (you said he is 26 and you said no dc on the horizon yet, but you might later), so I think all parties need to consider the "What ifs....." as there are many. It would seem unlikely that none of you, your dh, your db, and his potential future partner won't ever want something different. That's not to say it wouldn't work, but it is really important to work out what happens when that crops up.

I was also wondering if a long haul pilot would want to travel that far home (from presumably Heathrow or Gatwick) at the end of a shift.

Personally, I wouldn't want to travel in to London for a working day every week either - I think that would soon get old.

If you've all talked through all of these though it does sound lovely.

And you can say anything might be a risk and live in a cramped new build with a tiny garden and wonder what if?

Or you can go for it. We regret the things we don't do, not the things we do.

Looks like a great place to live, brother won't be there much, parents are great and independent and will manage their own care. They all go on holiday together so they work well. Lots of families who get on do this.

Whilst I can see why the idea is tempting, seek legal advice, as this could become financially complicated. I can see this situation with a lot of variables in the coming years, and might not be the dream you hoped it would be OP. Tread carefully.

You are assuming that the cottage can be sold separately. Often they can't. OP seems to not have considered this. OP is thinking about investing hundreds of thousands of pounds in an asset she might not be able to sell. It seems very naive to me.

Well Ms Risk Averse, you do you.

I'm merely saying that I think the OP should go for it and I'm sure she will find some way deal with it if it doesn't work out.

Sounds good, IF you think through all the future proofing .

Is the commute into London possible on day a week?
Schools should you decided to have Dc: nearby and preferably walkable at primary makes a massive difference
In a village / with a shop in walking distance? Isolated rural can be tricky and car reliant.
Could the properties be split into separate titles if necessary? Would the access and layout be suitable?
In the hopefully very distant future, is your parents’ total estate likely to top £1m and if so will there be enough cash in the estate to cover IHT or can you and your DBro afford the IHT? Because otherwise you could well have to move if the houses cannot be split into separate titles and sold

Don’t get carried away by the apparent idyll , I have a nook under the blossom just like that in my commonly reviled area of S London.

If the legals are worked through carefully (you should all take specialist advice and I suggest a different solicitor for you two to your parents) then why not consider it?

Every airline always has to have pilots on standby distance, FOs and Captains.

Brother has 6 reserves each month. He gets told by 8pm the day before if he is flying the next day. He has driven back from the Peak District to make a flight. He has a lot of flexibility.

Plus he wants to try for a Middle Eastern airline soon. The cottage would just be a base in the UK as the airline would pay him a housing allowance in the UAE

Parents would not dream of relying on their children. They are very independent

Please be extremely careful, OP; "financially comfortable" or not I've heard this said so often - until age related illness kick in and they start to feel that having strangers to do the care isn't acceptable

I totally get the appeal, but with so many potential issues which could wreck it I'd go for something of your own

The house situation to one side...There's many a Londoner who has regretted a
move to the country.

How well do you know the area ?
What's the weather like in winter ? If you're high up, what's the snowfall like and does the house get cut off ?
Nearest neighbour is how far away ?
Will this be the first time living away from London ?
What's the public transport system like, inc taxis ?
What the local health care like ? Nearest hospital ? Nearest private hospital ?
How good is the broad band ? really important if you're planning to work from home
What are the local plans for more house building ?
If you may have kids - what's the child care like, schools, sports set up. And accept you will be the chauffeur for ever, or at least until they are 17/18

Where in Devon is this property? A lot of Devon is isolated, where is this property in relation to a main line train station that can get you to London? If for example, it’s North Devon you will have to commute from your village to Barnstaple then catch the train an hour away to Exeter to be able to catch a train to London which is approximately a 4 hour journey, then you will have another commute at the end to get to your place of work so around a conservative 5-6 hour trip one way before you even start work and imagine doing that in the depths of a Devon winter. Devon is lovely as my username suggests but don’t be fooled, it’s a big county and getting to London is a trek unless you live close to the mainline station and even then it’s not a quick journey.

This would be a dream come true!

Say one of you dies / moves away - would you want a new neighbour moving in living in that close proximity to you?

It all sounds a wonderful opportunity. But I would want to have the deeds to the 3 properties separated and your house to be in your own names. Plus future scenarios discussed as per other PPs

Gosh do it.

I was prepared to say over my cold, dead body (imagining a suburban semi), but actually it sounds lovely and I could put up with my family to live there 😂

I don’t think this sounds like a terrible idea, it sounds great for the time being, BUT what happens if you, your brother or your parents want to move? Would you be able to get your money out, or would the whole family have to sell up? Could you buy it and then, for example, split the titles? Would your parents be happy with that?

If your parents are getting some kind of stately home/ massive pile, will they be able to keep up with maintenance/ bills? Places like that can be money pits and/ or miserable in the winter. If you let places like that fall into disrepair or they start getting damp they are incredibly hard to sell. Who’s going to do/ pay for the garden (it can basically be a full time in the summer).

If the plan would be for you or your brother to take on the big house eventually could you end up in a fight about it?

Also how would the property be held (you’d probably need sone kind of trust). Otherwise when your parents die you could have to sell anyway to pay inheritance tax.

Overall I think you all need to think of the worst case scenarios before you commit.

Do it op. Sounds like you all have good respectful boundaries. You’re asking the wrong bunch here, people who kick their kids out at 18 and don’t think caring for elderly parents is their responsibility, not to mention charging their parents for meals and dinners. Get the finer details sorted out and I would say go for it. Many cultures live like this and this is your village should you have kids.

I think the risk is your brother. He’s so young and sounds idyllic to buy somewhere lovely close to family he can have as a base… but there are very very high odds he’ll meet someone and as a couple they won’t want to settle down in the countryside/wont want to live next door to in laws. You’ll brother will need to sell so he can buy somewhere else with his partner. Can you/your parents buy him out? Are you happy for a stranger to buy his cottage?

I’d be tempted by a setup like this. I know nothing about legalities surrounding a setup like this so agree on getting legal advice and having everything spelled out from the beginning. Including the scenarios of someone wanting out of the situation.

I would do this in a heart beat it makes total sense to me.

My uncle and cousins have this in Italy. A very large plot with 5/6 houses/apartments. My uncle and Aunt have one, my cousin and her daughter have another, my other cousin has a third (although he doesn’t live there) they then also rent out long term or holiday the other places. It works really well, and I think it is much more common over there.

I have a friend who lives in what sounds like a similar set up. In between parents and sibling, three houses on one private piece of land. They have kids and the grandparents love having the kids around. Works well for them.

I do think they all respect each others space at home though. Not constantly being around, not dropping the kids on GPs with no notice etc. That sounds key.

I think it's all been said!!

Lots and lots to think about, and you need to think about it all before agreeing to it.