Am I mad for considering this living situation? Setting up house with parents AND brother

[Bourte]

I am in a very weird place mentally. I am experiencing a bit of an existential crisis. Have become very conscious of the fact that humans are not designed to spend all day creating PowerPoints and sitting in a very unremarkable new build in a London commuter town.

My parents have suggested this completely mad set up. They have found the MOST gorgeous stone farmhouse in Devon with two VERY good sized cottages. Bigger than my home now. And when I say they could be featured in Home and County it is no understatement. Someone with obviously amazing taste has or even an interior designer has done the whole place up. The terrace with its plants and flowers is second to none. We are taking vaulted ceilings, stone fireplaces, flagstaff floors etc. There are various gardens which are just spectacular.

The properties are fairly separate also. Being used as an income right now.

I work from home and could probably get away with going into London one day a week. My husband is very up for the idea but he is a bit of an introvert with very sporty hobbies. The cottage that would be ours is 3 possibly 4 bed. It’s on the edge of a gorgeous town with a lot going on.

My brother is a long haul pilot so he really just needs a place to rest his head.

We get on very well and have never had a problem with boundaries .We are probably polite to a fault.

I mean it has a winding gravel drive way with electric gates ffs.

Am I mad??

I live in a very unremarkable new build semi that is beyond cramped with no garden to speak of

Devon is quite a long way for your brother to travel if he flies out of London? Does he get a choice? At 26 he probably has no idea where he will want to live in a few years. Would he be contributing financially?

Would you anticipate staying in London on your day a week in the office? That 6 hour minimum round trip will get onerous and expensive pretty quickly.

Also do you have any other siblings who might be due to inherit a cut of the property value when your parents die? I think it sounds potentially great and I’m also assuming your parents are quite young? Just get a solicitor to go through it very carefully to protect everyone involved.

I’d do it, has your brother considered the 400 mile round trip to Heathrow? Presumably that’s where much of his work will be based?

Either way, sounds great

Do it but tie it up watertight in legal terms - using a lawyer
Assume it will go well and everyone will be reasonable but plan for if it doesn't, especially in case your brother gets married/has chidren or similar.

I would worry about your brother being so young and meeting a future partner who doesn’t want to live under this arrangement. Then what happens if he wants to live somewhere else?

you need to work out practical exit strategies.

He'll also need to be within 1/2 hours drive if his base airport. Aviation is fickle and he may not always work for the same carrier. Emotionally it sounds lovely but I'd be very careful investing in part ownership of a 3 unit but singular property. Circumstances change, relationships change, jobs change. Life can be difficult enough maintaining a straightforward existence without being affected by future decisions of other adults. You could find a property similar of your own don't be swayed by nice interior design and fantasies.

Brother is talking about possibly going to the ME. Tax free, housing allowance etc for a few years. Would pay his portion

That’s not true for his current airline. When he was short haul he needed to be within 45 mins when he did home standbys.

A lot of captains he flies with out of Heathrow live in Europe and commute in.

Plan for divorce and death as well.
My sdad ended up owning 3/11 of a property or similar and it was a nightmare

Omg OP do it. It sounds like a dream of an adventure.

Go for it! My DM lives in a separate building on our land with her own garden. It worked well for us with young DC when we needed it and now that she’s older it works the other way around.

I definitely do think having parents close by would be a massive help if dh and I do end up having 2 or 2 kids. Which I think is very possible.

This sounds idyllic. Say yes.

If it doesn't work out then it doesn't work out and you can move away, but I'd have phoned an estate agent today to sell my place.

Now you've posted the picture I'm jealous! What a lovely spot to relax in. It sounds like if your parents are helping both you and your brother to buy they are planning inheritance very well as if they gift you money now and they live another 7 years it won't be counted for inheritance tax. Make sure the 2 cottages are in yours and your brother's name. It truly sounds idyllic and ideal if you only have to go to London once a week. I wouldn't turn this wonderful opportunity down. You have wonderful parents, but I expect you know that already.

You seem determined for it to happen. So why ask for opinions?

Very naive. If parents need care their properties will be sold to pay for the care.

I'd do it, but as others have said, set things up so each property can be sold separately if one party needs to move.

Of course it sounds dreamy, the sun has been shining for a couple of weeks now!

Seriously, how on earth would you cope with one day a week in London? You can't surely think you could go up and back in a day from Devon?
My DD might have had to change her job and commute to London one day a week from a much easier train route than Devon, hers was a direct route but 1hr40. With the journey to the station and at the other end it would easily be more than 3 hours commuting. She was SO relieved that in the end she didn't have to do it. Devon will be longer. How far are you away from a station, do you have to change trains?

You say you could possibly get away with one day a week in London. Many companies have increased their hours in the office to 2 or 3 days a week, what if that happens?

Sorry, I don't want to put a dampener on it, but it's about being realistic.

Sounds amazing! And just think how easy it will be to support your parents when they eventually need it.

Focus on the legal and financial practicalities.

Is there any way that you can separate the 3 properties into 3 separate parcels of land ie your parents originally own 100% but then sell off house and land to you and your brother.

That way you would all be on the same estate but would independently own your own homes and could sell up if you wanted to without everyone else having to sell up as well. You would each be responsible for the cost of repairs and maintenance of your own land and the shared driveway would need to have right of way drawn up, including who pays for maintenance.

If it's not possible to separate the estate then, no, I don't think it's a good idea to tie yourselves financially like this.

That's the whole point - they can't just move away!

What if OP wanted to sell up and the parents' didn't. They are stuck there.

Then the parents could sell the cottage to someone else or rent it out.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. They'll work it out.
Besides it sounds as though they get on really well.

It sounds great, but people have brought up all sorts of scenarios here. Have a plan for them all that everyone is happy with. If you can do that, then go for it!

It sounds lovely! Good luck to you if you go for it 🙂

I would do it with my kids in a heartbeat but wouldn't with my mum because she's nuts - I like to keep her at arms length - that bring said if you are able to afford it and all get on well enough go for it.

Sounds perfect, go for it. But do be aware of full and proper conversations about money and how to secure your portion of it that you’ve put in.

the property of 3 may not be allowed to be divided - this would be necessary on death?