Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Marriage suggestions please

90 replies

Rendall22 · 12/04/2025 10:47

Posting for traffic.

Me and dp have been together for nearly 7 years. 2 DC. We have been engaged for 3. I want to get married now our family is complete but unsure how. Between the two of us we have alot of family and we have no money. I would be quite happy to just elope however now we have DC, and DD really wants to be a flower girl, I want to experience and include our children. I can't imagine getting married and not having them in the photos.

We then thought of doing a small sit down meal with our parents/siblings however if we don't invite their children a.) our kids will have no company and B.) availability will become scarce with childcare presenting as an issue. There is not restaurant that can accommodate for everyone without requiring a hire.

Obviously ideally we would just host everyone and we have found a lovely pub that has a private room for hire. The problem with this is obviously paying for everyone's food and drink. We would have to have 40 guests minimum to include all of our siblings + kids and not leave anyone out. There is just no way we can afford that and we would feel too awkward to ask for people to cover their own.

At this rate I don't see how we can get married and I'm annoyed that money is such a big factor for us. Do we just bite the bullet and have a very dissatisfying day or do we wait years and years to save up. I'm getting quite impatient now given we are nearing the decade mark and would have thought after two children I'd be married by now!

What would you do?

OP posts:
Silvertulips · 12/04/2025 10:49

You ask everyone to contribute instead of gifts?

Het a group chat - friends and family don’t mind!

Ceejay9 · 12/04/2025 10:52

Just go to a registry office with two witnesses, job done! If you really want to be married and don't have the money I see this as the best option. In a few years if you have more money then have a bigger wedding!

Mrsttcno1 · 12/04/2025 10:53

Depends whether it’s marriage that is important or having a day.

You can get married for next to nothing, registry office, get the legal protection & the label and then save for the day you want to have.

But there isn’t a way around paying for a big do if you want one. Marriage isn’t expensive, but a big party is.

Original poster
Rendall22 · 12/04/2025 10:58

@Mrsttcno1 I did think at first it was the marriage, but now I've realised it's just as important that I do something to celebrate the day with my family and children (for me anyways). It doesn't have to be anything extravagant at all but I don't want to do nothing.

Dd tried on a flower girl dress whilst I tried on my wedding dress and it really hit home to me that I want to see her be included in her parents wedding. At the end of the day, it will only (hopefully) be a one time event!

OP posts:
dobeessneeze · 12/04/2025 10:59

Could you find a venue that is willing to be flexible? We've had parties in pub rooms before that have allowed us to bring our own food and they make their money by everyone paying for their own drinks - maybe more likely in a pub that doesn't serve food. We did nibbles and takeaway pizza for one. For our wedding we catered the main course and then did a dessert table with lots of people contributing a dessert. A community centre or some such wouldn't be too expensive to hire and then you could have complete freedom over all the food and drink - for our wedding we provided some prosecco for a toast, a bottle of red and white wine per table and then byo for the rest. We had enough left over to keep us in drink for a year. There are loads of options!

Original poster
Rendall22 · 12/04/2025 10:59

@Silvertulips I didn't even think of wedding gifts. That could be a good idea! The only problem is a lot of our siblings have multiple DC, so asking them to cover their meals would be a much greater expense than just a gift.

OP posts:
Hayley1256 · 12/04/2025 11:00

Could you a registrar office wedding then have a party afterwards? You wouldn't need to pay for their drinks but would be good to provide a buffet

Original poster
Rendall22 · 12/04/2025 11:01

@Hayley1256 that's what we were thinking but struggling to find a hall/venue that is cheap to hire. any ideas for location?

OP posts:
ginasevern · 12/04/2025 11:02

Rendall22 · 12/04/2025 11:01

@Hayley1256 that's what we were thinking but struggling to find a hall/venue that is cheap to hire. any ideas for location?

Where in the country are you?

ginasevern · 12/04/2025 11:05

Sorry OP, that sounded intrusive. I meant to say if you're in Bristol I might be able to help!

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 12/04/2025 11:05

Get married at the registry office with the kids and maybe parents as witnesses. Then have a party at home/ church hall and get guests to all bring a dish.

Secularbeaver · 12/04/2025 11:05

A friend hired a church hall (minimal cost) and every one brought a plate - it was great!

CountryQueen · 12/04/2025 11:07

You need to give more info. What town/city is nearest to you? How much budget do you have? You obviously have enough to buy a proper wedding dress, why not return it and use the money from that? Our local hospice charity shop has a wedding dress section which is fantastic

Liondoesntsleepatnight · 12/04/2025 11:07

Look at village halls? They can be really cheap and look a bit bare but then decorate with lights and flowers and they can look beautiful. then get caterers to do a buffet with deserts, buy wine and Prosecco and soft drinks from Costco. Have a late afternoon wedding, one meal, do you know any DJ’s?

top tip - tell caterers it’s a family birthday - they always mark up for weddings.

CuddlyDodoToy · 12/04/2025 11:12

Is being married more important to you than getting married? If so, go to the registry office with two witnesses and get married.

Years ago, some friends of ours were in a similar situation to you so got married in the registry office in the morning with two witnesses, then had a (self-catered) buffet and party in the local church hall in the evening. A DJ friend provided music.

Friends took photographs, the best of which formed the wedding album.

The bride looked gorgeous in a secondhand (previously unworn) wedding dress that she bought on eBay, the groom wore a new suit, that he later wore for work and the bridesmaids wore dresses from BHS.

They had the cake cutting, first dance and all the usual things.

It was a beautiful day and the whole do cost a fraction of the cost of most weddings.

Marianwallace · 12/04/2025 11:12

No money means different things to different people. What is your budget?

CountryQueen · 12/04/2025 11:12

https://www.stcatherines.co.uk/shop/events/hospice-fundraising/wedding-dress-pop-up-shop/

i googled hospice wedding dress pop up shop. This isn’t the one local to me, seems it’s a “thing”

Then use that money to make up a fancy picnic and head out to a country park. One with toilets and play equipment for the kids. Take a couple of fold out tables and a portable speaker with a playlist. Tell everyone to bring a camping chair and a bottle of whatever they wish to drink and just have a lovely afternoon together celebrating!

MummaMummaMumma · 12/04/2025 11:12

Your daughter can still be flower girls whatever you choose.
You can still celebrate without a sit down meal.
Loads of halls are free/cheap hire. Many you can do your own buffet.
Depends on if it's the wedding day or the marriage that's most important to you.

GabbySolisX · 12/04/2025 11:19

Just go to a registry office and after put on a small intimate buffet at your home with your closest people? Honestly if I ever got married again this is what I’d do. I couldn’t be bothered with blowing a bunch of money I didn’t have on one day.

TheSmallAssassin · 12/04/2025 11:19

Liondoesntsleepatnight · 12/04/2025 11:07

Look at village halls? They can be really cheap and look a bit bare but then decorate with lights and flowers and they can look beautiful. then get caterers to do a buffet with deserts, buy wine and Prosecco and soft drinks from Costco. Have a late afternoon wedding, one meal, do you know any DJ’s?

top tip - tell caterers it’s a family birthday - they always mark up for weddings.

Edited

Village halls are great - we had our reception in one and they come with everything you need (tables, chairs, crockery, cutlery) and usually have a kitchen. We bought a load of pasties and made salads to go with them, I made cakes and bought some puddings. People can bring their own drinks.

I've also been to a wedding recently where everyone brought a dish to share, it was fab!

PermanentTemporary · 12/04/2025 11:21

Bring and share weddings at village halls are brilliant. Tbh the food is usually better than most catered meals and there's always lots of it. Allocate different courses to your guests and enjoy.

WashableVelvet · 12/04/2025 11:27

Could you do early/mid pm and take everyone for ice creams after rather than a sit down dinner? Or hire a church hall and do a combo of people bringing dishes and a big pizza order? Or we did a great morning party once at a local pub that did cooked breakfasts - it was so much cheaper to get everyone bacon and eggs than dinner and drinks, they let us bring our own cake, it was so relaxed.

Tootiredforthis23 · 12/04/2025 11:27

My cousin was in a similar situation, she did a registry office wedding and then went to the pub after (found one that basically reserved an area of the pub and didn’t cost much) but asked everyone to not buy presents but buy their own meal instead. Everyone was quite happy to and I think most people spent less than they would have done on a gift anyway.

Original poster
Rendall22 · 12/04/2025 11:41

The no wedding gift idea sounds good, but for a family of 6 I don't think it would work out cheaper at all.

Every pub we've found so far won't allow us to self cater otherwise I'd white happily do that.

When I looked into clubhouses/hall hiring it all seemed so expensive. However I haven't looked into village halls so will do that now!

In regards to my wedding dress it was going to be a gift from both dparents and was an old stock on the floor so under a grand. But yes I did have the moral dilemma of despite that, the money could be put towards other things. However I fell in love with the dress! I also went to a second hand shop and saw a couple I liked and keep an eye out on vinted/stillwhite.

I hadn't considered hosting here. Mainly because we already had a sibling have a garden wedding at ours and it seemed like a recycle of venue. Although I'll bring this up to dp as it may not be as bad as I think and as much as I'd rather it be else where I'd also very much like to get married sometime soon!

OP posts:
notatinydancer · 12/04/2025 11:42

A friend had a register office , immediate family only. Hired a room at the back of a pub and a buffet. Pub provided music.
Everyone bought their own drinks.
Whole day under £2000

If you’re trying to keep the cost down do you need a wedding dress ?
If your daughter is young enough to be a flower girl, just get her a nice party dress.

Swipe left for the next trending thread