Marriage suggestions please

[Rendall22]

Posting for traffic.

Me and dp have been together for nearly 7 years. 2 DC. We have been engaged for 3. I want to get married now our family is complete but unsure how. Between the two of us we have alot of family and we have no money. I would be quite happy to just elope however now we have DC, and DD really wants to be a flower girl, I want to experience and include our children. I can't imagine getting married and not having them in the photos.

We then thought of doing a small sit down meal with our parents/siblings however if we don't invite their children a.) our kids will have no company and B.) availability will become scarce with childcare presenting as an issue. There is not restaurant that can accommodate for everyone without requiring a hire.

Obviously ideally we would just host everyone and we have found a lovely pub that has a private room for hire. The problem with this is obviously paying for everyone's food and drink. We would have to have 40 guests minimum to include all of our siblings + kids and not leave anyone out. There is just no way we can afford that and we would feel too awkward to ask for people to cover their own.

At this rate I don't see how we can get married and I'm annoyed that money is such a big factor for us. Do we just bite the bullet and have a very dissatisfying day or do we wait years and years to save up. I'm getting quite impatient now given we are nearing the decade mark and would have thought after two children I'd be married by now!

What would you do?

Church halls around me (very expensive part of the country) are as low as £15 per hour. Some are grotty but others are nice, would be a fair bit of work to decorate them. Pp mentioned a bouncy castle, you can get wedding themed ones. Approx £100 for that round here.

I just got a normal dress for my wedding, and had it altered to fit perfect. Maybe you could ask your parents for a cheaper dress and a contribution to some of the other costs? I also went to a department store and got them to teach me how to apply makeup properly so no need for a professional.

The cheapest way of getting married is the no frills version which costs about £60 but you are only allowed 2 witnesses (I presume these would have to be adults), no guests or photos. I'm surprised how many people haven't heard of that.

Rather pointless to get married after kids, house, etc

Not really. It simplifies things legally.

Can you hire somewhere that allows a buffet, and just keep it simple?

We went to a "bring a dish" wedding reception in a church hall a few years ago. B&G were longstanding members of the congregations and got the hall for free. But you could try a picnic in a park it Bea h is you don't have the funds to hire anywhere.

Registry wedding plus a village hall or celebration at home.

We got married in a baptist church (so donation rather than CoE fees but I was a regular). Buffet in the attached hall for 50. Still cost £600 in catering 18 years ago.

I would have no qualms in asking family to bring an (easy) plate in lieu of gifts and providing soem
food and drinks yourself.

Also look at local church halls; they might be cheaper. Some Churches (Methodist) don't allow alcohol on the premises, so this would cut down on your costs too.

I just think it’s in bad taste and poor form to accept the £1000 dress and not look after your guests. It just doesn’t really match up.
like spending tons on your hair and make up and then taking your wedding guests to McDonald’s. It would be better to even it out a bit more- have a £200 dress and use the money towards the wedding. Can you explain it to your parents?

i hired my dress for £300 and we had a £12k wedding. If my dress had been £1000 it would have been close to 10% of the whole day which I think is a bit me me me. Guests can’t eat your dress! Food is more important

I think the OP doesn’t have to martyr herself to feed her guests at the level you consider appropriate. She’s getting married. Someone has offered to buy her a dress and the one she likes is £1000. She’s really under no obligation to say ‘Spend the £1000 on food, Mum. I will nobly get married in a secondhand binbag so that my guests not have the bother of bringing a plate of food to a low-key picnic.’

I didn’t suggest a bin bag but I would be incredibly fucked off if someone said here’s the pub venue, you all buy your own meal and I’ll turn up in my one thousand pound dress. I’d be like are you fucking kidding me.

i also suggested the bring a plate thing if you read my other posts. I think that’s fine but it’s weird to turn up as Mariah Carey to your picnic wedding

What about Gretna Green?

Gretna Green Wedding Packages

They include accommodation and food - my friend had an intimate wedding there last year, and it was beautiful 🙂

INCLUDED IN YOUR PACKAGE
Enjoy the following benefits which will be included with your package:

▪ Two nights in a double room at the hotel of your choice with double rooms also included for guest accommodation.
▪ Full Scottish breakfast every morning.
▪ Two course evening meal with a drink on the night prior to your wedding for all guests and the wedding couple.
▪ Three course wedding dinner for the wedding couple and guests from the bronze menu.
▪ An arrival drink of Bucks Fizz, a glass of red or white wine with your meal and a glass of sparkling wine for your toast for all guests.
▪ Bronze buffet of bacon baps served with chips

What about a village hall/football club type venue with a buffet and bar for people to buy their own drinks? You could do a buffet fairly cheaply and just provide welcome drinks and one glass of bubbly for a toast.
Or do a simple registry office ceremony with you and your DC and a handful of guests, then a pub meal for everyone after.

It’s a great help if you’re having your dress as a gift—please ignore the people saying it’s rude to wear a nice dress for a simple party; I really doubt anyone’s going to be pricing it and as a gift it’s completely separate and will give you joy. I agree that church halls are great for parties (but your own garden could also be gorgeous if you have room) and then use some funds to decorate beautifully… you can easily cater a buffet cheaply and get some cheap prosecco then ask guests to bring a bottle if they like? It’s lovely to want all your family to celebrate with you, I hope it goes brilliantly!

The cheapest way of getting married is the no frills version which costs about £60 but you are only allowed 2 witnesses (I presume these would have to be adults), no guests or photos. I'm surprised how many people haven't heard of that.
Because councils only do two a week at 9.30 on a weekday. And they get booked up fast. We had to book a year in advance so we could have a no-frills wedding. We had a much larger humanist wedding later the same year, but humanist weddings are not legally recognised.

As for marriage not having a point after kids and a house? If your name isn't on the deeds or you don't pay towards the mortgage, you could lose your home with no money if you split up. And something a lot of people don't know : if you're not married you can't identify your partner's body unless you were present at the death and the body can be buried or cremated by family who don't have to involve you in the funeral arrangements.

Marriage is security.