Marriage suggestions please

[Rendall22]

Posting for traffic.

Me and dp have been together for nearly 7 years. 2 DC. We have been engaged for 3. I want to get married now our family is complete but unsure how. Between the two of us we have alot of family and we have no money. I would be quite happy to just elope however now we have DC, and DD really wants to be a flower girl, I want to experience and include our children. I can't imagine getting married and not having them in the photos.

We then thought of doing a small sit down meal with our parents/siblings however if we don't invite their children a.) our kids will have no company and B.) availability will become scarce with childcare presenting as an issue. There is not restaurant that can accommodate for everyone without requiring a hire.

Obviously ideally we would just host everyone and we have found a lovely pub that has a private room for hire. The problem with this is obviously paying for everyone's food and drink. We would have to have 40 guests minimum to include all of our siblings + kids and not leave anyone out. There is just no way we can afford that and we would feel too awkward to ask for people to cover their own.

At this rate I don't see how we can get married and I'm annoyed that money is such a big factor for us. Do we just bite the bullet and have a very dissatisfying day or do we wait years and years to save up. I'm getting quite impatient now given we are nearing the decade mark and would have thought after two children I'd be married by now!

What would you do?

Invite them to your wedding saying the best present is a contribution of n pounds per adult. It’ll be lovely and they’ll be pleased to be there.

My friends had a very small registry office wedding with parents and grandparents only. They went off for a meal. And we all turned up at 7pm for the reception having all eaten beforehand.

So you could do the small ceremony with your DC and parents/grandparents. Have a meal then party with everyone else. Provide a buffet though, people like to snack after a couple hours of party and drinks.

Why get married? You have everything married people have, apart from the tax breaks.
Will save much money and arguments

Depending on your location, look at working mens clubs etc as they often do free function room hire.

Get friends and family to chip in for a diy buffet

We are in the middle of sorting a low cost wedding

We are having the ceremony outdoors on council land (really pretty forest) which makes the venue free of charge - We are paying £450 for a celebrant

Then we have booked a pub function room booked for the evening - pub doesn't charge for the room, everyone buys their own drinks at the bar, we provide a buffet through outside caterers - cost £400 We are playing a Spotify playlist through the speakers

Our wedding clothes - my dad got me my dress (£200) we are paying less than £80 for my partners suit and my 2 children's outfits were purched by family(£50 each)

So all in the wedding costs are just over £1000

If you can find a space to host a party what about doing a pot luck for the reception? You buy drinks and everyone else brings a big dish to share? Actual wedding can be registry office or church depending on if you are religious.

My inlaws did something similar to what @CountryQueen suggested with the added benefit that he was the vicar so didn't have to hire the hall!

I wasn't that impressed personally to travel a long distance for it and then get put to work decorating tables and fed very cheap food, but I understood afterwards that was necessary to make it affordable.

I wouldn't have minded chipping in with food prep but faffing around with ivy and fairy lights was annoying.

I would personally have had a simpler, smaller event in those circumstances.

I'd go to the registry office so you're legally married and save £X until you can afford to commit to the day you want.

Consider hiring a village hall, a bouncy castle and doing a buffet. Then you get everyone together and can do it under £1k.

I got married 3 years ago on the cheap.
We did a registry office wedding £300
Wedding dress Tkmaxx £100
Suit from Next £100
Bridemaid dress for dd £20 Vinted
Adult ds suit Next £100
25 guests.. didn’t invite kids or plus ones. Found a lovely pub and hired out the function room £150.
Meals for guests £40pp
Guests took photos and sent afterwards so that was free.
The pub had a band in the evening anyway so once the meal had finished all the guests went down to the bar for drinks and free entertainment.

Registry office and bring and share

Why not? Marriage to some of is still, is a sign of commitment and love. Anyway that's not what this thread is about.

Why not get married first?

Agree, the kids can still dress up as flower girls if they want
Have a party in your house / garden afterwards and invite how ever many you want

Bit late for that now and it’s not really relevant to her query

Try your local Royal British Legion club, some hire their halls out for private functions and they will probably let you cater yourself.

They will have contacts for a disco that they will regularly use so may be a good price.

People can buy their own drinks at the bar.

Church or village halls were always a cheaper option for parties.

Alternatively does anyone have a big garden you can use and then everyone can chip in with bringing some food or have a bbq ask guests to bring the drink they like instead of presents.

Get married at the registry office with parents as witnesses and your children can be involved.

We did this. Married in register office (with just one witness from each side) then big party.We were lucky enough to be able to use a field for free and borrow a very tatty marquee - though in the end it was fine, in retrospect a church hall might have been an investment. But yeah, we bought some booze and strawberries and paper cups/plastic beakers and all the guests brought a salad or some cheese or cakes etc. It was great fun!

@Rendall22if things really are tight , just go and get married. Do a reception later.

How do you have a wedding dress when you haven't even worked out what kind of wedding you are having?

Why can't she be a flower girl at a small registry office do?

Have a miceowedding with the kids and then have a meal with the family after.

Somewhere like this would be perfect https://www.theloveshackweddings.co.uk/

Can you discuss this with them? Ask if they would use the difference from a cheaper dress to help pay for the wedding?

I've been to a couple of lovely weddings which were a simple church ceremony and then people brought either lasagne, veg lasagne or a pudding per family.

JJs House. Cheap, can be made to measure and they have plus size models as well if you're it skinny. My dress cost £300 and then I spend £75 having it altered to add in some colour.

https://www.jjshouse.com/?srsltid=AfmBOorUKz_AOkAkAMTL4D1SoNWYd7eo8FEymSjXDgSOGZPi3oMsxYul

Don’t do a sit down meal. Much cheaper, and much more sociable, to have a buffet. If your family are all up for it you could ask everyone to bring a plate and self cater without having to do everything yourselves. The important thing is the company, not how fancy the food is.

Try a village hall? You can make them look super pretty with minimal cost.

Agree.

We did this - cost us around £400 at the local registry. Took the kids as witnesses and it was done in 15 minutes.

Having the party is the expense.

We got married in February. A sea front venue gave us free exclusive hire for the day as trade is slow in February, and we did a hot buffet for food. We paid for one glass of prosecco on arrival. Married in the registry office. Had sixty guests, including outfits everything came in at £2400. My two toddlers brought the rings up in the registry office.