Marriage suggestions please

[Rendall22]

Posting for traffic.

Me and dp have been together for nearly 7 years. 2 DC. We have been engaged for 3. I want to get married now our family is complete but unsure how. Between the two of us we have alot of family and we have no money. I would be quite happy to just elope however now we have DC, and DD really wants to be a flower girl, I want to experience and include our children. I can't imagine getting married and not having them in the photos.

We then thought of doing a small sit down meal with our parents/siblings however if we don't invite their children a.) our kids will have no company and B.) availability will become scarce with childcare presenting as an issue. There is not restaurant that can accommodate for everyone without requiring a hire.

Obviously ideally we would just host everyone and we have found a lovely pub that has a private room for hire. The problem with this is obviously paying for everyone's food and drink. We would have to have 40 guests minimum to include all of our siblings + kids and not leave anyone out. There is just no way we can afford that and we would feel too awkward to ask for people to cover their own.

At this rate I don't see how we can get married and I'm annoyed that money is such a big factor for us. Do we just bite the bullet and have a very dissatisfying day or do we wait years and years to save up. I'm getting quite impatient now given we are nearing the decade mark and would have thought after two children I'd be married by now!

What would you do?

Where are you OP? Whats the nearest town?

A family of 6 is used to feeding their kids. They have 4 kids so presumably can afford that many. Not your problem! Presumably you won’t force them to come?

When I say we have no money I really do mean it. We want to keep it as low as possible. Under a grand would be great. Even lower would be even better.

The wedding dress isn't a must no.

I know our families would have trouble paying for meals out. Particularly my side of the family since I already threw the suggestion out there and got shut down with "so you are expecting us to pay for our kids. I can't afford that"

To be fair to my family they hardly ever go for meals out and I know they are all in financial situations at the moment. Both siblings have four kids and it would get very pricey for them

The best wedding I attended was a bring your own picnic in a local park and there were as many children as adults and we all played rounders

Friends did this. Registry office and then everyone went to a local restaurant with three or so food options coming out and everyone put money in the box to help pay for it instead of gifts. One of the best weddings I’ve been to.

You can get married by going to a registry office. It depends how important a wedding is to you.

Can't you get married in a registry office then hire a room and have a buffet. That really can be done quite cheaply. You could even ask guests to bring food or cater yourself if the cost of a buffet is too high. I went to a wedding wherever everyone was invited to bring a cake.
You don't need a lavish party with expensive favours or decorations.

"so you are expecting us to pay for our kids. I can't afford that"

but they expect you to pay for their kids, when you can’t afford it either?

have you thought about doing it in the summer and doing a big picnic and everyone bring food.

On that budget you might well find that a pub function room with them providing a buffet would be the cheapest of all. Bring and share depends on the cost of the village hall hire - some charge quite a bit these days. Have a search around (or name change and ask on here) and do a bit of calculating.

If you can run to £800 or so you can definitely have a great wedding but there are compromises to be made, and what is cheapest at first sight may not actually turn out that way.

Oh I've just caught up and seen that you can have a wedding reception in your garden! Yes, do that. You can make it different from your siblings' in other ways, and anyway it wouldn't be a bad thing for guests to be reminded of other happy times.

And if the dress is a gift, definitely accept it!

Hire a village hall. Put out tables and chairs; you provide the drinks. Guests each bring a dish? Like a pasta salad or something. You do sausages or some meat

You absolutely can’t accept a £1000 wedding dress and then claim you can’t feed your guests. You should use that money towards food. It would be CF to be walking around wearing a grand while your family pay for all their own meals at a pub

How old is your DD ?

Get her the dress, go down the town hall with two adult witnesses plus DD in her pretty dress and holding flowers. Get some petals (real, not plastic) and have her throw them at you outside the town hall while an adult witness takes photos

Voila, she is a flower girl and your kids are in the wedding photos

If the important thing is having your children in your photos, just go to the nearest register office with your children and your parents as witnesses/childcare, surely? What you do afterwards is a separate matter. Picnic in your back garden sounds good.

Why can’t the 4 of you go in your wedding dress and flower girl dress and get married? It would be lovely. Then invite whoever you want for “a drink in the pub” afterwards. You don’t have to buy all the drinks, just one per person or for the first couple of people.
if your siblings can’t all get childcare that’s on them not you.
And your kids don’t need cousins to be entertained. They’ve got loads of family to entertain them.

@Doolallies my parents aren't offering me the money though,they are offering to buy my dress. So if I turn it down that's it. It's not an one or the other situation

I don’t know how much is too much for you however my cousin (who ironically is very materialistic in most ways) did hers for £1500. I’ll lay out the basics of how she did it

• Registry office
• a white dress from asos it was a long silky one with cowled back and spaghetti straps (about £100) i think she may of got her veil from their too or from sheins bridal collection
• Artifical flowers from homebargains/range etc made into a bouquet
• only had their children as bridal party so only their outfits to buy
• hired the grooms suit
• Went to a local pub afterwards and paid for all the guests meal- which was just booked as a meal for 50 people not a wedding. They just pre-ordered everyones main meals.
• She ordered a white cake from m&s and then got cake toppers off shein to finish it off
• they used iphone and an editing app to do their pictures.
• she did pay for her hair and makeup to be done locally.

honestly on the pictures you cant tell that she didnt spend thousands.

I did a party last year in the local cricket club. 150 quid room hire, I found a caterer who did a buffet for 300- that was to feed 40 people. We paid 280 for a dj.
It was brilliant fun. It something like that would work?

A relative of a friend had a big expensive wedding dress and then took guests to the Toby Carvery, where they were asked to pay for their own meals.
People did talk, and roll their eyes and laugh.
You can not accept a gift of a £1000 dress and not cater for guests, it all needs to be in proportion.

Church and church hall. Or chapel. Get buffet from a supermarket delivery service.

I think @MojoMoon's suggestion is sensible.

If you have a garden, you could then do a family barbecue there at some point to celebrate the wedding. If you've lots of family, at least that's free labour hopefully and people can bring puddings and stuff.

If your close relatives are not practically helpful in any way, forget the party part! If your parents can afford a grand on a dress, they could afford to host something for you if they feel the lack.

But don't take the dress.

Use this link to find a church hall near you. Won’t cost more than £100 for the afternoon and evening.

Get in with friends to decorate it before getting married at 3pm. Back to the church hall for a buffet from Aldi. Crisps, sausage rolls, quiche, salads etc. Decent playlist and some speakers dotted around plus craft/dressing up corner for the kids. BYO drinks and a slow cooker full of hotdogs for the evening.

You can pull that off for a couple of hundred.

Might help if I added the link

https://www.achurchnearyou.com/

My BIL eloped with just their children and parents then had an evening party at home a month later.