To be annoyed my husband told his work colleagues about my operation

[WHYohwhy12]

Basically I had to go in and have an op. I get he had to tell his manager why but then proceeded to set up a group chat and tell others about me. He's also told everyone the worst case scenario. I only know cos a cake came from them which I thought was weird. Even then he's says it's probably an Easter gift (they've never done that before in fact I've hardly met them) I then said has his manager told them as he isn't allowed. In the end my husband showed me the group chat where he told them. He said he had to tell them in case they wondered where he was.
The kicker is he hasn't told his family and said he doesn't want to.
I haven't even told some of my family but these randoms know. He also said when we found out about my op that he wouldn't tell work cos gossip goes through like wild fire. His boss is already trying to find out where it was. When I called in sick for my work I made a point of saying they aren't allowed to tell my colleagues. He thinks I'm being ridiculous as he wouldn't care if it was him

Thats odd and overstepping the line tbh imo

Depends on the workplace. Some places you have people that you chat to about real life.

I think it depends on the workplace. Where I work I would think nothing of someone sharing their partner was having an operation and would be pleased to know so I could support them.

I don’t get the big secret tbh .

setting up a group chat specifically is odd , however I often talk to people at work about stuff - I spend more time with them than anyone else .

This is probably his work family and will get support from them and a little understanding if he’s off this game. Does it really matter.

They could be his support system, not just colleagues.
He sounds like a man who is worried about you.

My work team know quite a bit about each others families, but do respect privacy. And it depends on the op… If you were having a hysterectomy we would probably know, but not a boob job.

Did your DH provide them with details about your operation or just that you were having an operation? If it is the latter, I probably wouldn't mind, but if he is giving them details about your op and discussing your personal medical information with his colleagues, I would be really pissed off.

I suppose it's weird he won't tell his actual family. Plus it's my body not his. If he asked me not to tell anyone about his body I would expect his decision. He said he didn't tell them for support cos they didn't even talk to him about it.

Why is it such a secret? I guess it depends a bit on the operation... e.g. if you're getting a big boil removed from your vulva it's a bit different to having your appendix out! Bit weird for him to set up a group chat about it though.

I don’t get the upset OP. But then my husband’s colleagues are MY colleagues too, and we’re all very close.

It sounds like he has supportive and kind colleagues. Given that you are gate keeping this information for yourself he should have asked you but he is entitled to ask for support for himself. He clearly didn’t feel he’d get that from his family but he did want to tell these people. This sounds like quite a major event and so it will impact on his life for a long time. Which will also impact on his colleagues.
To be absolutely honest I think you are being a bit much with the secrecy and naming a big deal of this isn’t going to help either of you

It's your personal medical information and if he needed someone to 'support' him he should have asked if you minded him sharing. It's really rude to dismiss your concerns, especially as he was the one that highlighted the gossip situation in the first place! And why is anyone trying to find out where it was? I can see why you're upset.

He didn't tell them where it was. But said what they were looking for and what it might be. He didn't actually have to tell them that. I've called in sick for him before at my work but said he's ill so we don't have child care .

Strange to set up a group chat but not weird to need support from your colleagues; different workplaces have different dynamics.

What do you mean his boss is trying to find out where it was? Like what hospital etc? That's a bit weird.

Because it's OP's personal medical information that she hasn't chosen to disclose to her husband's colleagues. It's obviously something that she isn't comfortable with, so her DH shouldn't have done it.

No where it is on my body. Asking where the op was exactly and " oh did you say it was here..."

I’d be pretty pissed off too. He should have checked with you whether or not he could tell them. The group chat is just weird. It feels like he’s using your op to get attention for himself.

To be fair I would get it if he's using the group chat to make them aware in case he needs to help more at home. But he went back to work the next day. Left me last night to bake a cake and wrap up all the birthday presents for one of our kids whilst he went to bed cos he was tired.

A bit irritating maybe, but I don't really get the big issue. For me it wouldn't be, and they've sent you a cake as a gift. I think that's lovely.

I think the group chat is overstepping, as is telling numerous people. He could have discussed things in confidence with someone trusted and appropriate if he needed that. Also worst case scenario I suppose depends on what it is, how likely, how sensitive but I think if he's gone into sensitive medical details about you with half the company, he's overstepped the mark. If his family can't know but his work have a whole group chat about your operation, he's got his priorities wrong.

It's her medical information that she didn't want sharing around the organisation openly

I wouldn't consider this odd or nosy. He likely has a friend/ family member who had similar and was looking to sharing experiences. At my workplace we tend to talk openly about our and our partners health issues. It's a high stress workplace and everyone is supportive.

YABU. He’s probably told them so they all understand the headspace he’s in.

OP you should have bought a cake!

Maybe he told them for support maybe he told them so he could get sympathy and slack off at work.

only you know but he is definitely looking for attention which is weird