To be annoyed my husband told his work colleagues about my operation

[WHYohwhy12]

Basically I had to go in and have an op. I get he had to tell his manager why but then proceeded to set up a group chat and tell others about me. He's also told everyone the worst case scenario. I only know cos a cake came from them which I thought was weird. Even then he's says it's probably an Easter gift (they've never done that before in fact I've hardly met them) I then said has his manager told them as he isn't allowed. In the end my husband showed me the group chat where he told them. He said he had to tell them in case they wondered where he was.
The kicker is he hasn't told his family and said he doesn't want to.
I haven't even told some of my family but these randoms know. He also said when we found out about my op that he wouldn't tell work cos gossip goes through like wild fire. His boss is already trying to find out where it was. When I called in sick for my work I made a point of saying they aren't allowed to tell my colleagues. He thinks I'm being ridiculous as he wouldn't care if it was him

The whole group chat thing is weird. It's tricky though when you're the type of person who just answers questions with what's in your head when the question is asked. I had an op last year and had to rearrange work appointments (self-employed) but also didn't know how long I would be off for, so I ended up telling a lot of clients that their appointments may be affected by my op. And everyone asked what I was having done. Not to be nosy; it was just the way people expressed concern - "oh no, what's wrong" type thing. I had to work out how to deflect it without sounding too "none your business" because I was having a fibroid embolisation, and telling everyone about my malfunctioning reproductive system was just a bit too much. Especially because not everyone knows what it is. The look of horror passing over a man's face when he realises he has just asked a woman he doesn't know very well to explain about her lady bits is quite something 😂

Oh I thought you meant which hospital it was, and thought that was odd enough.

Even odder that he/she wants to know which body part!! What a complete weirdo.

Why does your H feel your medical information should be out there for randoms to know about?! I do not understand people on this thread making excuses for his lack of confidentiality about your private info.

He set up a group chat to discuss your operation? What’s it called? Does he talk about anything but that in there? Will he be providing real time updates?

YANBU but also as someone who has a DH with a chronic health condition, it is nice to have support and some outside people to chat through your anxieties and concerns without the politics and emotions that come from talking to family. And to leverage any support he might need at work. Maybe assume it was coming from a good place even though it is annoying.

Sorry you are having this op, OP. I hope it goes well.

I have told my work colleagues about my DPs health issues. It meant that they were flexible re hours and covering for me when I was trying to support him and visit him in hospital. He was really thankful for the support they gave me so that I could support him and he really appreciated their well wishes

I told my colleagues about my DHs operation as I said I had time off coming and they asked if I was doing something nice. DH didn’t care.

As someone who has had a lot of surgeries i feel it's harder on people closer to me then it is on me so I think its unfair to not allow him to talk about it

Unless it's something embarrassing then I don't get the issue?
If you're having a third nipple removed or having a colostomy bag fitted and would rather others not know for example I'd understand.
But if it's something like a knee operation or keyhole surgery for an intestinal or ovarian cyst or fibroid issue etc then I don't see the issue?

Edit - not that either of those are inherently embarrassing, but they are things I would personally not want to necessarily share with everyone, whereas I'd assume noone would find general operations embarrassing in the same way?

I’m currently in the middle of a medical thing. It involves anatomy that one doesn’t normally discuss in the workplace. My coworkers don’t know anything except that I’m on leave for a medical thing.. My husband’s coworkers, on the other hand, know more about my hoohaw than any coworker should know.

I’ve also not told my family because of ‘reasons’

None of this weird in context and doesn’t bother me at all.

Well he's thoughtless and uncaring really (leaving you to bake a cake ffs)

Is he looking for sympathy?

I'd be furious. It's none of their business.

I bit of a gaff on his part
I would focus on the kind gesture from work and not get too het up about it

are you deflecting your angst about the op onto this annoyance ?

It's a betrayal.

Get on that group chat and tell them about his tiny dick and premature ejaculation.

But maybe the group chat already existed and he just added this info

Actually if I was having a hysterectomy (which I'm not) I'm not sure why that's more important to know?

Different operations place different demands on family. When I had my wisdom tooth removed DH was needed to pick me up afterwards and then went back to work. When I had reconstructive shoulder surgery he had to be home for 2 weeks to care for me.

I think there's no right or wrong as regards what people know about such stuff-it's personal preference I would have thought.

And I would expect my husband to respect that even if he didn't agree.

He didn't need to tell him. They should respect his privacy and he should respect yours.

He went to bed tired and left you to it, to sort things out for your childs birthday?
Not that concerned about you then.
He sounds like an attention seeking moron.
I bet he is of real low intelligence.

I hope you feel better soon.
Don't blame yourself if you have the ick.

It depends on the workplace.

We share quite private things at work and we support each other. I'm defo closer with work colleagues than normal friends as we are together so much and have lunch every day. We know each others' shower habits, sleeping habits, stories about dodgy ex partners, whether we are getting therapy or not, what we really thought about our partners when we first met them, health issues, ...

I definitely don't have this relationship with family, far from it, and with other friends it depends on if it comes up or not.

Maybe he seemed down and worried and didn't want to lie to them? If they've sent a cake they are clearly not randoms, and do actually care!

Yes but how shit is it to reach out to your colleagues for support because your wife is having an op, and not to actually be support for your wife, the one who actually had the op. It’s just so everything is about me, and I don’t do support for anyone including the woman I made public vows to support. Bleugh.

A friend of mine had surgery to remove a tumour from her brain ( all successful) she set up a group to make it easier on her Dh to update everyone and not deal with constant messages .

i think the severity of the op is relevant and recognise you don’t want to share that info Op . But if I had a wisdom tooth removed i would expect to carry on as normal .

Major abdominal surgery I would expect him to be running around after you .

It depends on family if they'd hold him accountable and expect him to step up Vs randoms who will just give sympathy and attention.

I get it.

I'm very private so get it OP.
I do think it's sweet they sent you a get well soon gift though.

I'd be more cross after coming home from hospital and he went to bed and left you doing the chores for HIS kids.

I’m not sure I would be too bothered about this. And I don’t necessarily think it’s weird that he’s told them and not his own family. Many people see more of their work colleagues than they do their extended family and are closer to them.
Is he a bit of an attention seeker?
Or maybe he feels anxious/vulnerable and is just hoping for some emotional support.
Maybe he knew it’s the done thing for his work to club together to get a gift in these sorts of situations and thought it would be nice for you.
Perhaps he’s hoping to to be cut some slack for a bit if is job is particularly busy or pressurised and wants people to have some context if he needs to be absent or leave early or similar.

Tbh, it would depend what the operation was. You haven’t said? 🤔

Talking about with colleagues is normal. I know you wouldn’t like that, but it happens. I know more about some of my coworkers’ husbands’ and children’s health issues than I know about my own. Especially when really stressed and worried, it all just comes tumbling out.

However, creating a special group chat just to talk about your surgery is weird as fuck so you can definitely be annoyed/weirded out about that.