Ex wants to take son to new partners

[Mummaonherown]

I know legally he doesn't have to provide an address, however my ex has asked if he can have my son one night and he will stay in his new gf's house (of 5.5 months) with her 3 children.

I would assume that she has a 2 bed so not sure if a bed would be available for him, I asked him if he would be sleeping in a bed and my ex ignored me and then sent a message saying
" It's not your business my new gf's address nor who will be sleeping where, he will be well looked after"

I've never met her, he initially lied about her name and whether she had children or not.
I have since found out that her children spend a lot of time at MGMs house (that's what my ex meant by not in her care)
He's also moved in now, last week.
Previously my ex used to take our son to PGMs house for 1 night EOW but he said now he's moved in he wants our son to stay there.

I haven't said yes or no yet, I'm a little concerned. AIBU to say no

@TheFormidableMrsC I'm not engaging with him anymore, he said he is coming down on Sunday, 12-5 the last time he did was a month and he got there at 12.00 brought him back at 4, never fed him said he wasn't hungry. I suggested staying another hour and getting him something to eat, but he said he was going home.

His only concern is whether he can take my son to his new GF house, that's all he wants to do, nothing else.

@pimplebum my friend suggested a tracker as he lies about where he is and won't answer the phone of an evening at bedtime even though we agreed that I could call him before he goes to sleep. I'll definitely look into a tracker though

Sorry but even if there was a court agreement and he was allocated one night a week you still wouldn't be able to demand knowing details and if the father says the child will be safe then unless there is another reason you believe they would be harmed, then you just have to switch off what goes on when at the other parents.
Hard to do, but unfortunately he is also the parent.

@DollydaydreamTheThird thank you, I think she's been in a abusive relationship (again from ex slipping up on things/begging me not to mention his past)
He won't let me meet her, randomly turned up with her 6 weeks ago to collect my son (she wouldn't get out the car to meet me) and during that week he was telling me she didn't exist, no longer together. It's all very suspect at the moment

@Moonnstars I know what your saying BUT he won't go to court, nor will he do medation.
He rang yesterday to speak to our son, my son goes to preschool/nursery and has done since he was 11 months old. When I said he's in nursery his reply was "but it's half term" he's obviously got confused with her children.
But if he was sure it was half term and invested in his son/being a parent wouldn't he have checked childcare arrangements with me, asked if I needed help what the plan was (I work) no he didn't.
He doesn't care, nor invested he just wants our DC as an accessory to make him look good.
Thank you though

Exactly! I'm sure these comments are all from the male lurkers on here. I've said it before but they can all fuck off back to Reddit and PornHub. 😂

All the people saying 'none of your business', would you genuinely not ask where your husband/partner was taking your child if you were together and they said they were going out?

I’d say no, poor little thing. You sound like you are the only sensible one in his life

Thats not the point of the none of your Business though. Unless there are safeguarding reasons, courts would say it is none of your business. He is an equal parent. So dont give him the power of letting him tell you none of your Business suck it up. He will most likely lose interest.

In that case, say no. Dont makenit easy. He will lose interest in trying.

If my ex told me the whereabouts of my kids were none of my business, he could take me to court to get a CAO put in place.

That is not my experience of obtaining a CAO in the family court. Ex had to provide an address.

I think you would benefit from using a co parenting app like our family wizard. You aren't at his beck and call. I'd ask when he would like telephone contact x day at x time or y day at your time. If he doesn't reply then say you didn't get back to me so I'll make myself avaliable on Wednesday at 6 moving forward. Then I wouldn't answer any calls.

In what way is 'it's fuck all to do with you' kind? Language has got very strange nowadays.
OP is concerned that her child might be overwhelmed or uncomfortable staying in a strange place with four strangers. OK, his dad will be there, but how her child copes isn't 'fuck all to do with her'.

You should be told the address in case of emergency. Also can you meet the new gf?

I personally wouldn't be happy with this arrangement particularly sleeping arrangement. I would mention your concern to school or even social. They won't do anything at this stage but everything will be recorded.

I would be inclined to let him take you to court - you can explain you want him to have access but you need the relevant information.

If he's lied about her name and won't tell you the address, I wonder if she's committing benefit fraud now that he's moved in?

This sounds terrible. Withold contact until you have a contact schedule and the details of where your son will be staying. Force his hand if he goes to court they will want a schedule in place too. Log the calls and unannounced contact, keep the offensive texts and file a harassment order. You do not have to put up with this and he is only good for you son if he can be a positive role model. I'm sorry you're dealing with this

Unfortunately yes, it's nothing to do with you. I mean that with empathy; I've been through similar. It's terrible knowing that your young child is off to God knows where with God knows who. But if he has equal parental responsibility then you can't insist on an address or sleeping arrangements. Would I trust the man who is introducing your 4 year old to a girlfriend of what, 20 weeks, and doing sleepovers already? No, I wouldn't. But it is what it is sadly.

If you've applied for a c100 and he won't engage with court, you're winning. Theyll do you a court order stating child lives full time with you and that's that. Stop all contact now, let him not engage with court and be done with it. Your son will be better off without him and so will you.

I'm speaking from experience here too, honestly, just ignore him.

Oh and do not let him go play house with his son with some strange woman in a strange place. You don't have to, you've applied for court and are awaiting that. You have concerns and that's that. It won't look bad on you.

I would refuse. This man is not an equal parent to you, OP, he's not even a coparent. He yo-yos in and out of your DC's life, doesn't contribute financially and can't even commit to EOW. Your DS doesn't have a stable bond with him and probably doesn't see him as a "safe" parental figure who can meet his needs. He's a deadbeat dad.

There is no way I'd just let him take my small child to an unknown address with random strangers. Yes, parents and carers are generally trusted to judge who is safe around their children but he hasn't really earned the title of either "parent" or "carer", has he?

I'd let him take me to court and explain his conduct to the judge before I allowed overnight contact. Then it would be for the court to decide what is in the child's best interests, taking account of all the evidence.

@BillyBoe46 I already did that just after Christmas I think, 2 houses, he claimed he didn't have an email address so I set one up and a login for him, sent via text and told him to change the password when he logs in.

Surprise surprise he refused to use it.
He has again tonight told me I'm not getting a penny until "I change my tune" he wants everything his way.
My mum thinks I should report him for financial abuse, I'm very tempted to do so.

If it’s not court ordered and he’s saying he won’t go to court- then just stop him seeing his son and say no.

until he agrees to go via court