Ex wants to take son to new partners

[Mummaonherown]

I know legally he doesn't have to provide an address, however my ex has asked if he can have my son one night and he will stay in his new gf's house (of 5.5 months) with her 3 children.

I would assume that she has a 2 bed so not sure if a bed would be available for him, I asked him if he would be sleeping in a bed and my ex ignored me and then sent a message saying
" It's not your business my new gf's address nor who will be sleeping where, he will be well looked after"

I've never met her, he initially lied about her name and whether she had children or not.
I have since found out that her children spend a lot of time at MGMs house (that's what my ex meant by not in her care)
He's also moved in now, last week.
Previously my ex used to take our son to PGMs house for 1 night EOW but he said now he's moved in he wants our son to stay there.

I haven't said yes or no yet, I'm a little concerned. AIBU to say no

Sarah's law. Adults explicitly DO have the right to check if anyone with their child is a sex offender.

“He’s also moved in”

you dropped this late into your post. So he wants his child to stay in his house? Of course that’s reasonable (unless you have more to reveal)

I had some good advice from a friend once that I found hard to take. And it was to say yeh sure and then see what action they actually took. It already sounds like he CBA. And perhaps his main goal is to upset and control you. It’s worth considering.

Just when OP picks up from school they can ask to have a chat with the teacher and explain the family situation. They can explain that sometimes at weekends DS is starting to spend time with his dad and dad's new partner, but not much is known about what happens there as dad refuses to communicate. She can explain that she isn't sure of the sleeping arrangements, but would hope that DS is well rested when he comes back to school the next day. It's important for teachers to be aware of social issues going on at home, just incase e.g. DS gets emotional about the changes, especially if they are ND.

It's just about keeping a picture of what is going on at home.

He has loved in with someone he has been dating for 5 and a half months. And she has three kids? Fucking hell what a shitshow this is going to be.

but sadly, you have no right to say no.

Hugs OP. You're not in the wrong here. The fact that dad isn't communicating with you is an issue and just because he is the dad it doesn't give him the right to not collaborate with you as a fellow human, let alone the mother of his child. I hope u can get it sorted so you and DS feel ok.

I’m surprised people are saying it’s got nothing to do with you. I’m am not separated and my children are much older than yours, but even if they go on a sleepover at a friends house (that I don’t know) I still know the address of where they are.

Presumably, your children's friends' parents don't have PR for your child.

Presumably your ex has your address to pick ds up, what is his reason for not giving an address? Providing you don't have form for turning up causing drama what exactly is his issue? Ask him that and ask how he'd feel if you moved and refused to tell him the address. Or offer to drop DS off or pick him up then you'll have to know 😬

He is the father which means he has EQUAL parental responsibility.
Unless there is a serious safeguarding issue that warrants reporting to SS immediately then as much as its upsetting you not knowing the details, you have no right to dictate what the father does with his own son when in his care and any court will tell you the same if you went for a formal child arrangement order.

The father seems estranged from his son so I wouldn't be comfortable with this at all. I understand you're worried. He seems vile. I would just ignore him for now. It's not like he's interested in his son not being in touch for 4 weeks or refusing to pay for him.

Not when that parent is not involved, disinterested unless showing off, doesn’t pay maintenance and is obstructive and the child is 4 years old. The court, in my experience, would act accordingly.

He’s currently wanting to paint himself to a woman he’s known for a very short time as an involved and invested father. Your son is an accessory to him. My advice is the same, no overnights until a CAO is in place. You are perfectly within your rights to do that. If he chooses not to cooperate with that then that’s his problem. What you’ve just described is the basics, what a twat. Stick to your guns!

Yes she does. No contact order in place and he’s said it’s a “waste of time”, she has every right to say no I’m afraid.

@Cantbesure I think your right, he knows how to wind me up, I should just not let him see how his stupidness bothers me and see what he does

@DorothyStorm yep, his new supply. I honestly believe him to be a narcissist, she's just the fool who's fallen for his lies, like I did.

From what he's told me/slipped up on I think she's had him in her home from day 1

If that's where he's living now I guess he has to have them there? But it's true he's being unnecessarily evasive about things. The exact address you don't need but if it's massively overcrowded then you need to know.
When he has the child it is true it's fully his own responsibility to provide everything in a decent way.

@mamajong my ex is known to turn up to my home and call when he wants to, I've asked to get a calling schedule in place, he's refused to do so, literally does what he wants

I'm in south London/Kent and I don't drive so it's pretty unlikely that I will be rocking up to another part of London (assuming she lives in London) when I have a rare night off to cause trouble, he's withholding because he can and he does what he wants.
This evening, my friend came over, my ex called as I was letting her in, I told him I'd call him back.
10 mins later as I was getting my son in the bath, he called and my son answered the phone. I told my son to put the phone down and shouted out 'i said I'd call you back"
I then had 5 missed calls and a very offensive message from him.
This is what I deal with, if I call him he'll ignore me but if he calls me I have to drop everything so he gets what he wants.

@ItsNearlyEaster thank you, the lack of communication is driving me mad. I want my son to have a father in his life but I don't think I should chase/force it, that's why I dropped the rope a few weeks ago.

He's an arse, he really is

@MummaonherownBlock him. If he’s so invested in his child he will apply to court. He won’t and he’s not. Yes it’s tough being a lone parent but my God it’s so so much easier than dealing with this controlling narcissistic shit. Just cut him off, stop responding, stop engaging. I’m guessing you’ll never hear from him again after a period of narcissistic rage 🤷🏻‍♀️

This is where you’re going wrong. You’re expecting communication and co-parenting. Its
never ever going to happen. Take it from me.

I would put a tracker in his bag so you know where he is and face time him at bed time so you get to see sleeping arrangements

or just refuse, on the day he is supposed to pick him up , pick up an hour earlier

The stupid comments are from people who have never had to deal with a situation like this. They would happily hand their tiny children over to a complete stranger to sleep on the floor in a place you don’t know with a “parent” who does fuck all, doesn’t know them and avoids maintenance. How dare you ask where your child is or who they are with. Apparently they might have a “great time” with 3 other older children they don’t know. Absolute utter bollocks. I’m so shocked at how many people have said OP is being unreasonable. She’s not. At all.

The woman doesn't have her own children all the time and dad refused to discuss sleeping arrangements to confirm if the boy is in his own bed. That's two safeguarding issues, and court would be interested in them.

As the resident parent, she doesn't actually need the CAO, is dad who needs that to arrange access. When she points at the attempts to arrange mediation that were declined, and his non response to court papers, it'll be clear what he is.