For not wanting to sleep at partners house from Friday to Sunday every weekend?

[Tobbay]

So, context....
I say "partner" but we have known each other 8 weeks so 🤷🏻‍♀️
I am 50 and he is 54, he has no children at home and works 2rs a day so has heaps of free time.
I have a 21yr old and a 18yr old and an ageing cat who I love like a third Son! I also work in a very emotionally and physically challenging job, with violent children with trauma based backgrounds.

I have spent the last 3yrs healing from an abusive relationship and as much as I'd like to share time and life with someone, I also want to spend time with my children, my friends and myself! I need quiet time alone o reset. I run ultras and running and the gym make me happy.

The guy is already miffed that I didn't sleep at his house on the last day of term, but I'd explained I was totally shattered. The next 5 days he was very off with me and he told me it wasn't working out. After lots of "drawing blood from a stone" he said he wanted to see me all of every weekend and at least 2 or 3 times on the weekdays.

AIBU that I think he is being unreasonable??

At least he is being honest,

I'm not a cat person but reading threads like this makes me understand why women of experience turn to a life with cats rather than men.

😳 Saucy fucker!

May I ask what has kept you there up to this point? I’m assuming he looks like all of your favourite celebrities rolled into one? He makes you laugh until your muscles ache? He’s intelligent and provides you with scintillating and thought provoking conversation? He’s a really bloody good cook and he’s offered to do your ironing?

So odd!
reading all of this is just turning me further and further away from dating!😊…..honestly, there are so many odd balls out there to be bothered even trying

Eww the more you post about him the worse he sounds. You can do better than this @Tobbay .

Throw this one back in the pond and run for the hills and then home to your boy cat. 😺

Listen to your own needs.
You have responsibilities not just to this new man friend.
The most important of all is being able to recharge and relax every weekend in a way that enables you to function happily.

@Tobbay please be very careful not to get into another abusive relationship. Abuse takes many forms, you may not recognise it. Eight weeks in and this man is not considering your needs at all, he seems very self absorbed at best, manipulative at worst..

He sounds like he's on the spectrum a bit. All those questions about money. All the demands about you changing your life around his etc. He's very set and stubborn in protecting and maintaining his environment.

He is not and will not be easy and I wouldn't want a guy who didn't just have sex with me. He should be consumed with desire at this stage, and you.

Mmmm. Let’s do this logically, on the one hand you have three sons, two human, one cat, who hardly see you in the week, whose lives are special to you, whose wellbeing you care about, you have a house you like to relax in and possibly enjoy at the weekend and which like all houses requires a bit of your attention. Then on the other hand you have a relatively new acquaintance, who DEMANDS your attention and goes into a man child sulk if he doesn’t get his own way which includes getting into your knickers.

I can see why you need some help sorting out this dilemma.

Well done for spotting this!! Well done for holding your boundaries. 8 weeks only and he's blown his cover, "too hard to let go". You will meet a great man who appreciates you for you, because you will be able (because you want to and you will feel safe doing so), to compromise on certain things, after a while, and as suits your your relationship, but NOT this stuff and certainly not 8 weeks into dating and insisting you stay. He doesn't have claim on your time, location, communication and interaction with others.

Suffocating....

Ahhh hell no. He’s a weirdo. Keep working on your shark cage. The money stuff is odd too. Wholly unsuitable!

You absolutely should not be dating anyone until you've had some therapy and done the Freedom Programme. This man has been waving giant red flags at you since day one, and it's very worrying you haven't seen them and run for the hills.

You've walked straight into another abusive relationship here and will continue to do so in the future until you work out why you stayed in an abusive marriage for as long as you did.

And for goodness sake, don't tell any future dates about your history with abuse until at least a year in. It just screams, 'I've stayed in one abusive relationship, and I'll stay in this one because I lack boundaries, so treat me as badly as you like.'

Sorry to be so blunt, but you sound lovely, and you are currently very low-hanging fruit for abusive men.

Why isn’t he working? This alone would put me off him completely, he sounds like a loser with too much time on his hands. Get rid op. You have a great life, I wouldn’t compromise it for him.

Well done on not letting him go to your place. When I was in a happy relationship for 3 years I made it clear I would be spending every 3rd weekend with my bf as I needed my own space and he respected this as he wasn't a controlling twat.

Bye bye. Glad you haven't given him your address. You can cut this one loose and it'll be like he never existed x

From the outside looking in it only sounds like he adds a negative to your life.

Focus on you now, your family and friends, not forgetting your beautiful cat for continuous snuggles. After 8 weeks he shouldn’t be this demanding, he sounds controlling and manipulative.

Ditch ‘needy Neil’ (can’t remember the MNetter who made that name up but credit to her 😆)

Well done for recognising something was off about his demands and for not giving him your address. After enduring an abusive marriage and having three years of freedom to discover yourself, deep down you know you have a happy fulfilling life and even though at times you might feel alone. This guy has done you a favour, you’re not willing to sacrifice your own happiness, peace of mind and interests to cater to his needs and you are happy as you are x

Absobloominlutely!

Some people do not have the capacity to see animals as sentient beings. Sounds like he is one of them. He also sounds like he wants to control all aspects of your life. I bet he's jealous of your boys, your running and any activities that you don't put him at the center of. He wants to be adored 🤮That's a big fat ick and also very frightening. I hope by now that you have sprinted far away from him and I hope your little cat boy is feeling better.

Sounds like hard work.

No way! Eight weeks in and he’s already showing controlling behaviour (sulking when he doesn’t get his own way). This is just the tip of the iceberg. Run and don’t look back.

It's very early days and you should still be at the fun stage and getting to know you. He needs to add joy not angst to your full life. If he's sulking 'cos you're not at his beck and call at his place every day I'd run.
If you're there every weekend are you doing all the cooking, cleaning , washing etc whilst you're there, or are you out on dates and going places and having fun? If it's the former then he's probably looking for a live in mummy/ housekeeper with benefits rather than someone to date. Does he enhance your life?
Let this one find another mummy
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Never, ever tell new men you were in an abusive relationship. Some men take this as a green light to manipulate and eventually abuse you themselves.

This current man is looking to you to financially support him in future when his money runs low/out, as well as provide him with constant entertainment.