Making children do extra curricular activities

[Daisyblossom13]

How do you feel about forcing/pushing school into doing extra curricular activities.

Ds is 9, soon to be 10.

He plays football in a team and does swimming lessons. All fine, that’s plenty.

He enjoys the football, but does sometimes complain about going to matches on weekends. He’s not brilliant but certainly not terrible. The football teams are getting much more competitive and selective as he’s getting older. He has the opportunity to join a second team which is very relaxed/just for fun and not too time consuming, and would give him a bit more practise, but he doesn’t want to. His only reason is that he can’t be bothered.

He moans like crazy about going to swimming lessons, he’s a very good swimmer, so could potentially stop, but it’s only 30 minutes a week and it’s not like he finds it difficult.

We tried tennis but he hated it, we started taking him to parkrun, he’s a really good, fast runner, but he always said he couldn’t be bothered to go.

I don’t want to over schedule him, but I do find it a little bit odd that he can’t be bothered to do anything lot of these things. He doesn’t like going out much at all. He doesn’t like school, no particular reason, he just wants to be at home. He only likes going out for a very short time and short distance and always wants to go home.

I wish my mother had forced me to keep going to martial art lessons tbh.

If its a group sport like football and the other kids aren't nice to him then of course I'd let him drop it

If I think about my parenting regrets, the biggest one is making my kids do things they didn’t want to do.

My eldest does army cadets. They do all sorts there’s a bit of marching and saluting. Fieldcraft. They put them through Duke of Edinburgh awards. Then it’s much like youth club, pizza making. Field trip out to climbing wall. Stargazing. I think he quite likes the discipline, ther kids messing around irritate him.

I have been cutting right down on screens recently We’ve been spending a lot of time at local loch with paddle boards which has been popular then screens at home once car has been emptied.

Mine would stay at home on screens given the choice. We limit screen time but eldest would still just stay at home and play with Lego etc given the option. We insist on trips out and exercise (like 4hr hike up hill today) and they do usually enjoy it once they get out plus in term time they have do an activity and I hope they will appreciate it when older and find some sport and activity that they really love

Adolescence is a fictional tv show.

I was after advice, not judgement and a lecture.

Nowhere did I say that ds was allowed to sit around all day watching dodgy videos unsupervised. What I said is that he’d like to.

Hence I’m taking him out to swimming, to play football, encouraging him to do other activities and join another team. I did we go walking, cycling.

What I actually asked is what people thought about forcing reluctant children to keep going at activities/trying activities.

You can’t win on here honestly. I’ve literally said I do all of these things with ds and I’m being slated for scheduling him and being slated for letting him do what he wants.

Ive accepted that setting screen time limits is a good idea (more than I do already).

Just because he has a lot of screen time doesn’t mean he’s just left to it to become a zombie.

Our 11yo (year 6) sounds similar. He puts his dressing gown on as soon as he gets home from school.

We limit his screen time. He knows he has to do a sport once a week. He chose hockey as it’s on a weekend morning. He doesn’t like going out after coming home from school. We’ve encouraged school clubs too. He does 2 of those.

Screens are addictive sadly. It sounds like you’re doing the right thing by him, to me, by pushing him to get involved in activities. I wonder if there’s a way (without going OTT) that you could incentivise him to want to do things other than sit in his room on a screen?

The issue here is that you have two things conflated into one issue:

• He loves being on screens and has generous access to them.
• He is reluctant to engage in active / varied extracurricular activities.

It may be that he is a quiet homebody who likes not being over-scheduled, so that even when screen time is not an option, he would prefer not to go out.

It may be that screen time is so seductive that it is taking the place of other activities.

The only way you will be able to decide which is the case is to dramatically reduce screen and gaming time for a period of time- perhaps 30 mins total a day combined might be a place to start, controlled via device locks, if zero is too hard.

Once you’ve established whether he is a quiet homebody preferring to read, play, laze at home or in fact quite open to activities in the absence of screens, you can then get a more objective view of his real preferences.

Ummmm I actually posted two more posts sympathising as I have/have had similar issues?

There's definitely a difference between ensuring your child does physical activity and having to do it as part of a club but if they are otherwise sedentary then when young I would make my kid do something extracurricular. I'd try to give them a choice of what, but they'd be doing something, especially throughout puberty where many (especially girls) stop doing any physical activities. Ensuring they have face to face contact with children outside their school bubble is increasingly vital.

My kids actually refused almost all after school activities and I have been/am still in same position, I just genuinely concerned so might not realise as many people don't hence why they let them watch it...

Take away /limit youtube to ann hour an day and see what he wants to do then. My 9 year old doesbt watch any yiutube. It’s possible to live without it

Could you give him the choice of swapping the swimming for the new football team as he seems to like football. Then he has the option later of swapping the more competitive football for 'something else' if you keep to the two things a week. Or swapping the swimming for something else he might like such as cadets.

I wouldn’t force him to do something he hated but I would encourage some kind of regular physical activity- like it could be a non team sport if he prefers that or just going out for a bike ride a couple of times a week

@Itsawildridealrightsorry, I haven’t read all of the most recent replies properly, but I will.

Feel sometimes on here you can get jumped on a bit.

For info. Ds trains twice a week with his footy team, which he actually loves. Then matches are Sunday mornings. He complains occasionally about the matches but often that’s if they’re away games or if it’s early or cold. On the whole he loves the football.

He moans like crazy about the swimming.

We did go to parkrun for a while but he started saying that he couldn’t be bothered.

He is doing plenty to be fair, but he’s also becoming reluctant to try anything new or do much outside of this.

Its finding that balance between having downtime, but making sure they’re being engaged and not becoming lazy/disinterested.

The screens one is so tricky.

One thing I have noticed is that some of his friends that do get very limited access to screens when they come for paydays and SS wants to go outside and play football or go on the trampoline. They are just desperate to play on the console.

I wish I knew the answer.

I have a couple of friends who are very strict on screen time, but most already have their consoles and TVs in their rooms. Ds doesn’t and I don’t plan to.

That’s not a bad idea.

Why does it need to be sport? DS 9 does two sports but also learns a musical instrument once a week at a group and does a craft activity once a week too.

It's not all nothing!

It’s something I’m torn on because now years on, one of my sons said he wishes he’d stuck out football because he finds it hard being sporty. Another did drama for two weeks and said he didn’t want to go back so we left him but he’s done great in all eg Christmas plays. There’s more examples of things we let them only try due to eg money.

I look at them now and none of them do anything except for swimming and I do think they’re a bit bored sometimes. Plus I think it does do much for social aspects and then as they get older responsibility wise too if they continue.

I also think of myself giving up piano and all the people I know who’ve done exams etc. so I personally regret letting them slip out of different clubs etc

Forcing sport isn’t a good idea.

neither is allowing him to watch you tube all the time.

So I think sticking to swimming lessons is good as it’s a life skill and I’d be looking for something else he enjoys to get him out and about more.

I always let me children chose their extra-curricular but I do insist on some level of commitment after deciding on an activity.

For example, my youngest tried Shinty for 6 weeks as part of a ‘taster’ programme. At the end of the 6 weeks she decided it wasn’t for her. That’s fine.

She tried Tae Kwon Do and really enjoyed it but there are spells of ‘can’t be bothered’. I will let her stop but it’s to be on an achievement. If she wants to quit after winning a medal or gaining a grading, I know it’s real and not just, ‘can’t be bothered.’ It’s same as me going to the gym with a friend. There are many nights I ‘can’t be bothered’ but go anyway.

Swimming is non-negotiable. Like it or not - you are going until you can swim.

Exercise outdoors is non-negotiable. Humans need Vit D, fresh air and exercise. Happy for that to be family cycle rides rather than structured activities.

Screen limits are non-negotiable and seasonal. It’s reasonable to watch more TV in the Autumn/Winter and far less in the Spring/Summer.

I have a younger brother. He spends his days asleep and his nights gaming. He lives in his teenage bedroom. He is 46. That will not be happening to my children.

Sorry, I haven’t read the whole thread. Can he actually swim? If so, then swimming seems a bit pointless. I just wanted my kids to get to the point of being safe! I encouraged one out of school activiyy a week. If my kids wanted to drop one they had to go and make their apologies to the organiser. The whole screen time thing is a separate issue that you have to discuss and agree. It seems to me if your child likes football - go with their interests!

I wouldn't force him but my DS would opt to stay in and game rather than go to his sports that he does enjoy it's just an easier option. If he has had a busy week and asks to skip an activity the rule in my house is no screens and he needs to spend the time doing something else like lego, drawing, reading etc. He then usually decides he will go. Would he go to something like cubs? Or a martial art?

Exactly what I think . As long as he can swim and is safe near water then why carry on ?
My children stopped swimming when they were about 7-8 ,boys played football,rugby until going to Uni and daughter played tennis and netball .

Your son does extracurricular activities four days a week, if I’ve read your post correctly. Is that not enough? My son is a little younger (8) and does a similar amount (swimming, tennis and Cubs after school, and a music lesson at school). He’s in wraparound after school too and genuinely needs some time to relax at home as well. Is it similar with your son? Mine is out 8-5 M-F then goes to clubs twice in the evenings as well. I think it’s understandable and fair enough that he just wants to read a book or have 45 mins on the Nintendo the other evenings. How much time does your son have to relax?