Making children do extra curricular activities

[Daisyblossom13]

How do you feel about forcing/pushing school into doing extra curricular activities.

Ds is 9, soon to be 10.

He plays football in a team and does swimming lessons. All fine, that’s plenty.

He enjoys the football, but does sometimes complain about going to matches on weekends. He’s not brilliant but certainly not terrible. The football teams are getting much more competitive and selective as he’s getting older. He has the opportunity to join a second team which is very relaxed/just for fun and not too time consuming, and would give him a bit more practise, but he doesn’t want to. His only reason is that he can’t be bothered.

He moans like crazy about going to swimming lessons, he’s a very good swimmer, so could potentially stop, but it’s only 30 minutes a week and it’s not like he finds it difficult.

We tried tennis but he hated it, we started taking him to parkrun, he’s a really good, fast runner, but he always said he couldn’t be bothered to go.

I don’t want to over schedule him, but I do find it a little bit odd that he can’t be bothered to do anything lot of these things. He doesn’t like going out much at all. He doesn’t like school, no particular reason, he just wants to be at home. He only likes going out for a very short time and short distance and always wants to go home.

I think you said he can swim? Maybe he’s bored of the lessons. I remember watching my eldest’s last couple of sessions, and it was very much telling them to do things almost for the sake of finishing the block of lessons, he really wasn’t learning anything new. Would he prefer to just swim freely? Could you take him to family swim instead?

It’s difficult when they don’t want to do anything though. This is what I’m saying.

So his older brother always liked gaming/YouTube, but he’d break it up with football/Scouts/swimming, even playing in the garden, building Lego. Doing holidays camps. Ds2 never wants to.

Even if I say let’s go ride our bikes/go for an hours walk he complains.

Do you really expect him to enjoy every minute of every activity though? If he learns that moaning means he can opt out, he'll just moan.

I agree with you fwiw although my dc are older now and football and swimming sounds like plenty to be getting on with. School is tiring and they are growing but they also need a balance. Some dc need more structure than others, one of mine would tend towards lazy if he didn’t have somewhere to be but hobbies have built great discipline over the years. I don’t tend to nag them about things like screen time or snacking and let them self regulate but this is because they work hard at school and do a couple of extra curriculars each so I know they are getting x amount of social / outdoor / exercise time every week and therefore flopping on a screen with a bag of snacks on a Saturday morning isn’t the end of the world. It’s done them a lot of favours, they have nice friends outside of school, have gained qualifications and awards etc, become fit and confident and will have lots to discuss in interviews. The trick is not to overload them. If he’s happy just doing the two then let him get on with it. Or maybe try something less physical if he is all sported out, drama or music or a cadets type thing, whatever he likes?

Yeah that’s ds, he’s never leave the house given the choice.

Theres absolutely nothing wrong with downtime and relaxing, but I do think that getting out for some fresh air and exercise a few times a week is essential.

My 9 yo is similar. Given the choice he'd be on screens all day every day. If he'd have hobbies or play at home I'd be happy with that but the only thing he wants to do is be on screens. Getting him out of the house is a nightmare and he complains but I make him do swimming plus two other activities (of his choice) and he enjoys them when he's there. It'd be so much easier if he'd find a passion other than screens but until then I'm sticking with making him go to activities.

I never did them when I was at school as it would’ve been my idea of hell. I asked DS when he was at school and he didn’t want to do them so didn’t. I’d never push them as it causes resentment

What does he want to do? I’ve never forced mine to do anything, even swimming lessons. My older one can swim just fine and younger one is still learning (neither have had formal lessons outside of the school ones). What activities they actually do do they love and look forward to going to. We also do lots of non-scheduled activities with them, like mountain biking, hiking, climbing, whatever, just regular activities but not as part of a class.

The only thing I ask is that if they commit to something for the term and we register, that they complete the term. If they decide to stop after that, that’s fine.

Maybe he’d enjoy cricket or piano or athletics or pottery instead? If he doesn’t love it, I wouldn’t force him to continue forever.

OK, so you need to put limits on screen time first and then see what he wants to do to fill his time. As it sounds like it won't work the other way around.

Thanks for all the replies.

He probably is a bit bored of the swimming. But as it’s only 30 minutes a week and swimming is so important I want him to keep going for now.

We are having a short break over the Easter holidays and he doesn’t even want to go. Not because he doesn’t enjoy holidays but because he doesn’t want to disrupt his pyjama days.

Do you limit screen time. Ds has a 2 hour limit at weekends (2x 1 hour sessions) so if he doesn’t go out/do activities he’s not getting extra time. Ds is 9 he does swimming 1 day a week. He has done other clubs through school when they run (science /maths/games) but he’s not at all sporty. But at a weekend we will go walking, park, trampolining, rock climbing etc.

Yanbu - neither of my dc would ever leave the house at the weekend (we’re all introverted couch potatoes) unless I make it clear it’s part of their routine and they are doing it. We don’t have a culture of exercise as a nation and that’s your big issue here - stick to your guns, exercise is important. He’s old enough to swim with a friend now?

I agree with @drspouse - our screen time is earned if other criteria such as homework, exercise etc are met - because that’s how life works, you do what you have to do, what you need to do, and what you want to do is after those goals.

its not extra curriculars that are essential, exercise routine is though.

He doesn’t want to do anything apart from play football.

Thats why I wanted him to join the second, more relaxed team so that at least he’d have that.

He doesn’t want to do anything apart other activities, even non sporty ones.

Hes had loads of opportunities to learn an instrument, join the choir, go to cubs. He doesn’t want to.

Thank you, I think those of you saying to limit screen time are right.

He doesn’t get chance to get bored because he’s got the screens. We’ve slipped into letting it go the wrong way round where screens are the default.

Well, going against the grain, I pushed mine to continue with football and swimming. They complained about it constantly.
It was a constant battle for me on whether I should stop or keep pushing. I kept pushing. If they had really hated it and just not hated the effort it took to get there, then I would’ve stopped but I guessed it was because they just couldn’t be bothered.
I’m glad I kept pushing and I think there’s a lesson to be learned in not giving up and then seeing progress.
They’re teens now and still play football on social level. On holidays, they’ve enjoyed snorkelling and jumping off a boat to swim with a dolphin pod. They’ve told me that they’re glad I made them go.

Maybe he'd prefer something non sporty? What about scouts, drama, music, cadets?
Sounds like you are only offering sports. There are plenty of other activities that can give kids brilliant skills?

Sorry just seen your update that you've tried other stuff. Defo limit the screens.
He doesn't want to do other stuff because screens are too appealing

Thanks I did read this and there are some good ideas.
We haven’t enrolled him in Scouts just because side he was already doing the football and swimming. I’m not sure if he’d like Scouts. His brother went and loved it but I just can’t imagine ds2 wanting to go.

There are potentially other less obvious clubs and hobbies that might be worth a try.

Cadets is worth considering, not sure if he’s too young. We definitely have a few groups locally though.

I think it is the screens. Seems obvious really.

ds1 always got bad tempered if he had too much screen time/gaming, whereas ds2 is very quiet and chilled but it could be making him lazy and lose interest in things.

My rule is they have to do one sport or physical activity and one school club. They can drop one, but they have to choose another. DC2 does about 4 out of choice anyway (and music) some more regular than others and none massively seriously. DC1 swims 2x a week with a SEND squad (asd) and if she didn't go wouldn't do anything much at all. She was complaining recently and I said she could stop at the end of summer term but had to name something else. She's thinking about it.

It's so important to keep physical activity up through their teens, and I think it's great for understanding you get better at things with practice. Some kids will need more structuring into that than others and parental encouragement to do it.

And agree on the screens. It's always harder if they've had a run of more screen time.

Starting age for Cadets is 12 but is excellent, they have the opportunity to learn and progress so much.

What sort of things do they do at Cadets?

I know I could google but it’s good to hear from those who have been?

I’d keep trying to find hobbies, what about martial arts? Honestly I’d insist on a sport or activity outside of the house. Young people are socialising less and I really don’t think it’s good for their mental health. It’s fine to be a homebody but kids and teens should be out doing stuff.

Going to clubs really increased my Dd’s confidence, she used to be really shy and now she’ll just strike up a conversation with a kid in the next lane at swimming or make new friends at her non school sports. There was a point when she really didn’t want to go but I made her and it’s worked out really well.

Depends on the cadets.

we have police cadets, army, navy, Red Cross, and no doubt a few more.

navy is a lot of water- sailing, rowing etc in amongst the cadet-ing. Red Cross is first aid, although they do a lot of field trips, rope rescue training, some get to FA at concerts and events for free.

police are community based.

i think it all has the same basic ethos and activities though.