45k salary entirely eaten by childcare

[Sofiewoo]

Granted salaries aren’t what they were only a handful of years ago but aibu to be shocked that my 45k salary is now entirely eaten by childcare and getting to work??
I figured if you are earning in the 20s you would assume that but not mid 40s!

I’m trying to weigh up whether to just take the next year and a half off instead of working for nothing. I know, pension, career blah blah but it’s mentally very difficult to juggle drop offs, work schedules and sickness but be no better off financially at the end of the month.

Did anyone else not realise it was a bad as this?

I waited until my eldest was at school to have a second child and had twins 🥴 the childcare cost has been crippling - not helped by the fact husband of a decade decided twins weren’t for him and left when they were babies so the cost has 100% been on me
it’s shit OP and there isn’t really any answers for it unless there is a move to do what Europe can manage and provide affordable state subsidised childcare but we’d need a suffragette style uprising to garner change and that’s not likely in this day and age

I agree, you have to consider some sahp are poor and so have all kinds of struggles, or just neglect the children in front of TV and so they would be better off at nursery. It's not black or white that kids that are at home with mum have better connections with their parents.
I work part time so spend decent amounts of time with my kids but if I was full time I don't think my connection with them would be that much different. My husband works full time and they are very connected to him.
Our values, education, wealth, home environment, health etc. all impact our children's futures.

Agree. I really feel for people paying for cc now, it’s so high.

Yeah, it's completely unreasonable. My kids are in their 30s. We used to get school for a half day from the age of 3 (free) and the other half day at nursery was £15 or something. I could drop kiddo off to breakfast club (also free) on my way to work and pick them up from nursery on the way home. Full-time job on £11,500 in 1995 - was a secretary, minimal responsibility. Childcare cost about £2,500 per kid per year with all incidentals (food, nappy contribution, trips, etc.).

But something's changed. Used to be a fair days pay for a fair days work. The idea was if you were in employment then you actually got something in your pocket for that. I lived in a council house at the time and my rent was £34 pw. Costs have totally spiralled out of control. I'd also be thinking 'what's the bloody point' in your shoes.

Student loan, tax, pension, commute is all relevant to the cost of work which is my whole point.
Tax has nothing to do with childcare but it still reduced my take home income.
No idea why you’re so spectacularly trying to miss the point of the post in the first place.

For a second I thought this was just another comment telling me to suck the second child back up inside 😂
Ouch on the twins, but hopefully good riddance to the shit husband in the long run. Extra painful for you in the short term but hopefully it works out in the long run for you!

Historically women didn't put kids into childcare and head straight back to work. We do it now for one single reason: the cost of housing is so much more than it used to be.

That said for me, and my take home was much lower than yours (teacher) I was very blunt with myself and decided I didn't want to work a job just to have someone else see the best bits of my child.

I know that not everyone sees it that way, but that was my own preference.

If all women were to begin to reclaim those years, it would be the norm again, and going back to the workplace after five years out we wouldn't be pushed to the back of the queue.

Take the time out, enjoy your children.

Speak for yourself. I did it because I wanted a career, and I wanted to do both. No one pushed me out the door. My housing costs were extremely minimal when mine were pre schoolers. I chose to work.

Yes, I literally did say I was speaking for myself.

Thread highlights why women aren’t and will continue to not have children. Sorry Elon.

It’s ok OP, this is completely acceptable apparently. Cut your cloth to threads or something like that.

No, you said in your opening paragraph that “we do it for one single reason” and talk about housing costs.

Alternatively, you can give up your career, everything you have worked for and put your trust in a man.

Isn’t that a fabulous option?

Did you miss this part

I know that not everyone sees it that way, but that was my own preference.

😂I did wonder why cats was the first expense you thought of!

Condescending much?

I am not a SAHM and don’t plan to be, but stepping out of the workplace for three or four years would be far from ‘giving up everything I have ever worked for’!

The Cost of UK childcare is insane. No wonder the birth rate is so low. If society/government were truly worried about the birth rate they’d actually do something about it.

Alternatively, you could accept the choice you’ve made to have children and see raising them as your vocation for their formative years.

Exactly.

Life is long, and so are careers. Stepping out of the workplace for five or six years to raise small children is not the end of the world.

Besides, we live in a digital age — most jobs can be adapted to some kind of freelance work that is catered around children for a few years.

I don’t understand the attitude: “I have a right to have children. I have a right not to interrupt my career to do so. I have a right to maintain exactly the same standard of living as I had before I had children. I have a right get someone else to look after my children. I have a right for that to be cheap.”

With your 3.5 year old going to school in approx 12m time, this is a short term problem as your costs will half one the older child goes to school.
It's so tough, but I think if you can get your head around the long game.
Yes, you might need wrap around care but it'll be vastly less expensive than now and then you will feel your salary and be more grateful for it (including the other benefits and blame bla).

But ultimately it's your family choice, and yes it is that tough! My LM is almost 8 and the fees were €1500 pcm double my mortgage and my exH went AWOL when he was 1 YO so as a single parent it was impossible but I had to do what I had to do as I needed the salary and career growth the improve my situation. Quitting was not an option.

Be kind to yourself. Can you look at how you split costs? So it's not your salary covering just childcare? Is there any extra when you combine your salaries for all costs?
Are you and your OH sharing financial goals etc?

It isn’t really surprising that so many women choose not to have children at all, these days. Even people who want to go straight back to work after having a baby make it sound like a miserable, stressful, expensive grind for at least the first few years, with few redeeming features beyond being better protected if your life becomes even more shit still and you end up as a single parent with even more years of stress and expense. And articles like this don’t help, either: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cx2641weqego www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cx2641weqego]]]]

Oh man, solidarity. It’s tough. I’m astonished at the number of posters who seem think childcare costs a fraction of the reality.

I guess some of the things to weigh up are…

What is the impact to your career actually likely to be by taking the time off? Is it genuinely likely that you’ll be able to walk back into a position at a similar level, or will it likely be very tough? If you’ll likely have to start looking for another job months and months before you need to start working again, and if that jobhunting process is laborious and stressful, it might really colour your time at home. Obviously this all depends massively on your sector and role. And if it’s possible for you to take long term leave and then restart your current position then it’s moot (apart from pension, pay rises etc).

How do you actually feel about full time childcare? I know a lot of people will find the idea that one might not relish the idea appalling - for the record, yes I adore my kids, yes I’m finding time with them increasingly rewarding the older they get…but I also love my job, love time in adult-only company, love having a coffee without a toddler clamped to my leg…

How does your husband feel about his job and how secure is your relationship? A slightly tongue in cheek question and of course we can never really know what the future holds, but in my own setup it would put a lot of pressure on my partner for him to step into the role of sole breadwinner (and vice versa, of course!) This intersects with the first question. If you’re confident you could quickly step back into another 45k job should he lose his, or should he fall ill, or should you split up, then no problem. But if that would potentially be a big challenge then I think there’s possibly some unconscious stress/ pressure to think about.

On the contrary, although it didn’t fill me with joy to spend the equivalent of my take home pay on childcare while 2 were in nursery, I never felt I had a right to it being cheap. I was paying for the most precious beings in my world to be care for and nurtured for some of the time. I didn’t begrudge it. I’m glad I had the option - my mother’s generation didn’t and was full of bright, capable women who never reached their true potential outside the home.

I also think there is a difference if your trying to step back into it after 2/3 years and being out of it for 10 years (which is easily done, couple of kids, stopping before the oldest is born and not returning until youngest is settled in school)

Have you thought about both parents dropping down to 4 days a week so alternate childcare days and they you only need to pay for 3 days childcare?

what about nanny as it may actually be cheaper now you have 2 kids. They aren’t all expensive if you aren’t getting a Norland nanny!

speak to an agency and see what they say. With your partner, one could go to work early and finish early and then the nanny won’t be there all the time.

childminders may be cheaper.

I wouldn’t worry too much about kids settling again as they will be fine. Staff turnover can be high at nursery as poor wages for staff. So they see new faces anyway. Kids adapt.

I moved schools every 9-12 months due to stepdad’s work. Managed to get good gcse and A levels!

Unfortunately when mine were at nursery 15 years ago my entire salary paid for their 3 day a week childcare.
i effectively worked for nothing with 2 in nursery.
however, I saw it as holding my job open for me and a great environment for the kids.
not easy I know, tjat was probbaky on late 30k salary back then