Am I being unreasonable for wanting my friends to choose a more central meeting place?

[Twinklebird]

Myself and my friends all live very far away from each other. Meet ups are nice but only 2-3 times per year. We normally meet in an area that is fairly equidistant for the furthest people including me.
The next meet up is to mark an occasion. Just a day trip. They have chosen a fancy place that is much nearer for everyone but much further for me. I never minded travel but just feel totally excluded. I would love a meet up but it just feels impossible. Do I suck it up and travel or stay home and miss out.
AIBU and how do I put my point across? All advice welcome.

Also if most of the group live close by and are travelling to accommodate those living further away then I think those further away should take a turn travelling to the location most of them live even if not a special occasion.

Why don't you tell them where would be more central? My friends live in another city and I always have to travel to see them, I asked once if they could do my city, and they did it once. But rushed off after the meal to catch a train! They didn't like travelling that far!

Whenever get together it might happen that one person has a much longer commute but we make sure to pick somewhere very near them next time. So if it is a once off l would make every effort to go as you will feel miserable at home missing all the chat. But l wouldn't let it become the norm.

I think if holding the reunion at this place means it's almost impossible for you to attend and they still want to continue with this plan knowing that then they are being selfish at best. At worst it's almost deliberately excluding you.

I can't believe that this place is so special that there aren't alternatives of equal quality that would be more accessible for you all. And if the event is for an occasion special to you all then all of you being there should be more important than the venue.

So.if you have told them how difficult it is for you to attend and they still go ahead with their plans I would be reassessing my opinion of them.

You say ‘we normally meet in an area that is fairly equidistant for the furthest people including me’ but also that this meet up is far from you but ‘much nearer for everyone’.

The ‘everyone’ implies that you’re the only one having to travel further. If that’s the case or there is only one other ‘inconvenienced’ then YABU: group things are usually organised around the majority

Are you one of those friends who never arranges anything, but then complains about other people’s arrangements?
Next time suggest and organise something near you then you won’t have to drive very far.

If this place is closer for everyone else, sounds like they usually travel further so you can be included? If that’s the case as a one-off either don’t go or arrange to stay overnight. It depends how much you want to see these people.

it’s not like they’re doing this every time and it happens three times a week. And it’s a special occasion, so everyone’s doing something a bit different. Come on OP, you know you’re being a bit unreasonable.

Gonna need more info op
Is it round the corner for others but hours for you?
Who chose it?
What's the occasion?

It’s only 2-3 times a year. My friends and I are scattered all over the UK. We meet twice a year in London or Dublin and once in Spain. At least three of us will fly when we’re going to London or Dublin, and we all fly to Spain from our respective airports. It’s all part of the fun. If equidistant means a Harvester in Hull compared to a bit of travel for a night out at Hamilton in London then I know I’d want to make the effort.

If the place has special significance then i would suck it up. If it is very far then book a hotel and stay the night.

Depends how far it is, but it sounds like a one off so I wouldn’t complain about it.

If 3 of them live quite near each other, I think it's fair / understandable that you travel to them

It's a 3 hour journey each way for me and less than an hour for everyone else. One person is an hour and a half. Normally when we meet in the middle it's 2 hours for me and 1 hr 30 or less for those furthest the other side. Some are only 10 minutes. Everyone has small families but right now I have the smallest as my baby is only a few weeks old.

Having just seen your update, you’re not unreasonable at all not to want to spend 6 hours travelling for a meet up when you have a very young baby at home. Just be honest, ‘would love to come but I can’t leave the baby for that long, have a drink or three for me and I’ll see you all next time’. …And relax..

What's the occasion?

It's understandable you wouldn't want to go with the baby (although tbh even the usual 2hours would also be quite a faff) but I don't think it's at all unreasonable of then to want to go somewhere closer for the majority of them to go somewhere particular.

It sounds like most of them live quite close to each other so could meet up with less than an hours travel but they travel further every other time to save you and the other further friends additional time, which is nice of them.

I think it would be a bit unreasonable to kick up a fuss about ONE occasion thats a little bit further for you when they usually make an effort to make it as fair as possible.

Not everyone can make it to everything.

If you’ve got a tiny baby, you clearly can’t do a six hour travel day. That’s totally fine and totally normal.

Just say ‘ooh, with X being so stuck to me at the moment I just can’t do the travel guys. Know you all want to see the place, I’ll sit this one out and catch you next time.’

No biggie.

Not unreasonable not to travel that far, But would you have traveled the usual 2 hours with baby? I wouldn't have at that age. I don't think they are unreasonable for planning it, sounds like they usually do travel as well so hopefully it's just a one off

I think this is one for you to sit out. They aren't being deliberately unfair, however it sounds like you live much further away. Sometimes these things happen.

Having a tiny baby would be the reason not to make this meet up, not the distance. Dip out of this one.

I think it’s difficult to expect several people to travel much further to accommodate one who loves further than them all.

On every occasion, anyway.

Is the person for whom it is a special occasion close to the venue?

On the odd occasion I think you have to suck it up that you will need to travel further.

Usually I would say suck it up but with a newborn I would duck out this time.

But do it with good grace.

They're not unreasonable for arranging it.

You're not unreasonable for not wanting to go with a small baby.

No one's being unreasonable. Just say you'll try to make it to the next one.

I think if you live the furthest away, that’s just how it goes.

It’s totally fine for you to give it a miss if you have a small baby.

3 hours each way is too far in my opinion. Unless it's a big event and you're also staying over.
I have a group of friends in which the majority live close to each other. If there are 3ppl in one area and me elsewhere, I think it's fair to do 3 meet-ups in their location and one in mine. Bit of a ratio of 1:1 per person.