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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think hygiene is important during intimate moments?

160 replies

BluntLilacGuide · 07/04/2025 00:57

Is it unreasonable to ask your partner to wash their hands before being intimate, especially if it involves touching sensitive areas? I feel like this is just basic hygiene but I’ve heard others say it kills the mood or is unnecessary. What are your thoughts on this? Is it something you bring up or do you just assume it’s handled without mentioning it?

OP posts:
HelloCheekyCat · 07/04/2025 01:04

Doesn’t even cross my mind! Although we’d both usually brush our teeth & go to the loo beforehand so would have washed our hands.
if it was more spontaneous (rare these days though!) I wouldn’t have asked DH to wash his hands first

MercuryRisingBeware · 07/04/2025 01:08

I've got no qualms about asking my DH to wash or brush teeth, if I think it's required. Poor hygiene is a mood killer. So yes! Ask away

Boredofbeinganadult · 07/04/2025 01:11

I would expect a shower before anything like that happened but that’s just me

MaMaMaMaBaker · 07/04/2025 01:12

I can't say this is something that is on my mind at the time.

Saphire123 · 07/04/2025 01:15

Depends what he had been doing with his hands prior....

MsNevermore · 07/04/2025 01:21

I mean….majority of the time it’s happening when we’re going to bed, so we’ve both been to the loo, washed our hands and brushed our teeth anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️

Maitri108 · 07/04/2025 01:24

I keep a box of latex gloves by the bed for exactly this issue.

everythingeverything1981 · 07/04/2025 01:30

Unless he's been treating people with herpes or the plague or something I'm pretty sure you will be fine. You wouldn't be in that situation if he was generally stanky, surely.

Lavenderandbrown · 07/04/2025 01:56

It’s recommended for women who have reoccurrence with yeast infections/bacterial vaginosis/ other irritation to have partners always wash hands first. The vagina is not sterile but is susceptible to cross contamination

TerrifiedPassenger · 07/04/2025 01:59

Maitri108 · 07/04/2025 01:24

I keep a box of latex gloves by the bed for exactly this issue.

Amateur.

I have leather welding gauntlets and mask just in case of any unmentionables.

CrazylazyJane · 07/04/2025 02:11

Wouldn’t cross my mind to ask unless I knew DH had been doing something icky prior to DTD. I suppose in theory his hands might have germs on but I kind of think in all the annals of time, people have coped just fine without being fastidiously clean before having sex and it doesn’t seem to have harmed the human race all that much 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’ll go back now to the cesspit I crawled out of 🙈

Catsandcannedbeans · 07/04/2025 02:24

Not unless he’s been doing something icky like out in the garden or working on the car… or if he’s been in the kitchen chopping chillies… then I would make him wash his hands.

Franjipanl8r · 07/04/2025 02:30

Completely normal to freshen up first in my marriage. Quick teeth brush, a hand wash or even a quick rinse in the shower if needed. It doesn’t kill the mood at all in my experience, it’s just preference.

Tbrh · 07/04/2025 02:35

Mood killer. What is he touching that is "less hygenic" than what he's about to touch?!

Gorgeousfeet · 07/04/2025 02:42

TerrifiedPassenger · 07/04/2025 01:59

Amateur.

I have leather welding gauntlets and mask just in case of any unmentionables.

Show quote history

😂

Sherry1978 · 07/04/2025 02:48

No one is touching me with dirty anything! Hands, mouth, genitals. You'd better be clean!

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 07/04/2025 03:41

We always shower before because we have oral sex.

DurinsBane · 07/04/2025 03:48

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 07/04/2025 03:41

We always shower before because we have oral sex.

I still don’t feel showering before is necessary. But we all need to do what makes us comfortable

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 07/04/2025 04:14

DurinsBane · 07/04/2025 03:48

I still don’t feel showering before is necessary. But we all need to do what makes us comfortable

Show quote history

Absolutely.

I will say in straight relationships it was different for me, but maybe because there’s no piv sex we both prefer being freshly clean?

My relationships with women we always have showered.

Zapx · 07/04/2025 04:20

We always shower first, don’t find it to be a mood killer at all, if anything helps me get in the zone 😂

HerNextDoorAgain · 07/04/2025 05:27

I usually give him a good spraying with Zoflora, then we slap the Marigolds on anyway. Cannot be too careful.

Missedthis · 07/04/2025 05:30

CrazylazyJane · 07/04/2025 02:11

Wouldn’t cross my mind to ask unless I knew DH had been doing something icky prior to DTD. I suppose in theory his hands might have germs on but I kind of think in all the annals of time, people have coped just fine without being fastidiously clean before having sex and it doesn’t seem to have harmed the human race all that much 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’ll go back now to the cesspit I crawled out of 🙈

Misread this as “anals of time”

In which case, washing is important 😂

LBFseBrom · 07/04/2025 05:37

Boredofbeinganadult · 07/04/2025 01:11

I would expect a shower before anything like that happened but that’s just me

Me too.

PoppyBaxter · 07/04/2025 06:42

It wouldn't cross my mind, and I can say with absolute certainty that DH would likely not have washed his hands! I couldn't care less.

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 07/04/2025 06:49

I always, always brush teeth and shower before sex. I ask partners to at least wash their hands.

I had a time of getting BV and it completely stopped when I started ensuring that hands were clean and nails were short and tidy. Perhaps I have a sensitive vagina, but after hearing some convos between men about their hygiene habits, I think it's better to be safe than sorry.

As for me, I can't relax fully unless I feel confident and I don't feel confident unless I know I smell lovely.

There's no wrong way to be! Intimacy is a privilege and should be adapted to be considerate of your partner. Asking someone to wash their hands is hardly a huge deal. 2 mins at a sink and then he gets to enjoy your body and connection.

The fact he grumbles about that is really weird to me. I've never had any comments at all about my requests or habits. Usually men are just thrilled sex is on the table.