Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he was on another date?

79 replies

hannahhm · 06/04/2025 21:58

I’m not that bothered but I’ve been recently dipping my toe back into OLD and I’m wondering if my instincts are correct?

Been on 3 dates with a man- all been very nice, easy to talk to, lots of laughs and he’s asked immediately after each date if I’d like to go out again.

We don’t really text much in the day due to both of our jobs but he would text every evening and we’d have a bit of a conversation over voice notes and sometimes in the morning.

We went out this week and he asked to see me again, texting as normal and said we’d arrange to meet next week.

On Friday he was texting a lot in the day which was unusual but I was having a quiet day at work and was able to response- general chat and other nice stuff, saying our date was romantic etc. my responses all positive too.

But then in the evening he was completely silent, he had asked me a question and I responded but I didn’t hear from him until Saturday afternoon. Then a random text about the gym from him and none of the usual chat.

My gut is that he was on another date on Friday, and that he probably liked that person better hence the shift in energy/change in texts?

I know people will date multiple people at the same time, I guess I’m just wondering if gut feeling is usually right?

OP posts:
TruthOrNo · 06/04/2025 22:00

Is there a reason why you didn't meet on Friday night?

DearBee · 06/04/2025 22:02

I think gut instincts are powerful in these sorts of situations.

LasVegass · 06/04/2025 22:07

How long have you been chatting, how many Friday nights have passed during these 3 dates?

Burngreave · 06/04/2025 22:13

Why would it be a date rather than any other type of social event, like seeing friends?

Original poster
hannahhm · 06/04/2025 22:15

LasVegass · 06/04/2025 22:07

How long have you been chatting, how many Friday nights have passed during these 3 dates?

Around 2 weeks. So 3 dates in 2 weeks, all evenings during the week. Last weekend we both had pre-arranged plans.

OP posts:
Original poster
hannahhm · 06/04/2025 22:18

Burngreave · 06/04/2025 22:13

Why would it be a date rather than any other type of social event, like seeing friends?

The reason this is what came to my mind is because last weekend we both had plans/family things on but this was mentioned (e.g sorry I’ve been slow replying, I’m just at such with my friends. Sunday morning “morning hope you have a great day, I’ll message you properly later as just on my way to mums”.
But Friday night completely quiet, no mention over the weekend of plans etc.

I don’t pester him for responses btw! I just mean he’s been really upfront with what he’s doing etc so far

OP posts:
Coconutter24 · 06/04/2025 22:21

Are you bothered or are you not? You started the thread with “I’m not that bothered”…. So why the thread? He might have been on a date or he might have been doing something else. If you’re not bothered why are you thinking about it? No one in this thread will know if he was on a date or not

LasVegass · 06/04/2025 22:25

As it’s only 2 weeks then yes, he’s probably been on a date. A bit intense if you’re constantly texting but then I’ve never been OLD.

Original poster
hannahhm · 06/04/2025 22:28

Coconutter24 · 06/04/2025 22:21

Are you bothered or are you not? You started the thread with “I’m not that bothered”…. So why the thread? He might have been on a date or he might have been doing something else. If you’re not bothered why are you thinking about it? No one in this thread will know if he was on a date or not

I did expect someone to say that.

I guess because I haven’t done the dating scene for a while I’m just wondering?

Gone from very chatty and mentioning “romance”, to being quiet for a period and not making any mention of what he’s been up to (I’m only comparing to how he’s usually been and seeming very upfront)

I did hope to see him again as the dates were nice. He has text me but not the same as it was and I just haven’t responded yet as not sure if to waste any more time or energy.

OP posts:
Original poster
hannahhm · 06/04/2025 22:29

LasVegass · 06/04/2025 22:25

As it’s only 2 weeks then yes, he’s probably been on a date. A bit intense if you’re constantly texting but then I’ve never been OLD.

I did say in my OP we aren’t texting all day long, it’s usually some texts and voice notes in the evening.

OP posts:
Coconutter24 · 06/04/2025 22:34

hannahhm · 06/04/2025 22:28

I did expect someone to say that.

I guess because I haven’t done the dating scene for a while I’m just wondering?

Gone from very chatty and mentioning “romance”, to being quiet for a period and not making any mention of what he’s been up to (I’m only comparing to how he’s usually been and seeming very upfront)

I did hope to see him again as the dates were nice. He has text me but not the same as it was and I just haven’t responded yet as not sure if to waste any more time or energy.

Show quote history

If it’s only been 2 weeks he may be dating others but he may also be deciding if he likes you. You’re getting to know each other and during this time is when people decide if they want to carry on or not. If you see potential give it another date and see how it goes but if you’re not wanting to carry on dating just end it.

Mahanii · 06/04/2025 22:35

Trust your instinct.

Original poster
hannahhm · 06/04/2025 22:38

Hmm thinking more about it, maybe the reason I am overthinking this a bit is because on our first date I mentioned I had not been dating for a while/not been on many dates recently.

He said “I’ve been seeing people like that before who haven't really had a chance to look around a see what’s out there yet. It’s not a journey I want to go on with someone”.

I took that to mean he wasn’t the type to be dating lots of people at the same time. I just replied that from past experience usually after a handful of dates you know whether a person is someone you want to concentrate on getting to know and I wasn’t the type of person to date lots of people plus I’m a busy person which he agreed with and said it’s the same for him.

OP posts:
LasVegass · 06/04/2025 22:41

It’s early days, OP. Only 2 weeks so far. From what you’ve said neither a reason to think he’s the one, nor definitely time waster IMO.

WilfredsPies · 06/04/2025 22:42

I think your instincts are probably serving you right. And I’d say his date obviously went well if there’s been a change in energy in his contact with you.

Don’t message him again. Put a couple of updated photos on your profile. That speaks volumes without saying a word.

RaspberryBeretxx · 06/04/2025 22:45

Mahanii · 06/04/2025 22:35

Trust your instinct.

I agree with this. I'd back off a little and see what happens. It could be something else but in my experience a change in momentum didn't tend to be a good sign.

MightAsWellBeGretel · 06/04/2025 22:48

Trust your gut, you can tell there's been a shift in energy since Friday.

mermaidmuscles · 06/04/2025 22:51

For future, you might want a Pre second / third date convo 'I enjoyed our date and would like to meet again, how would you feel about us both stopping chatting with others and giving it a go for now? '

I guess it depends what you're looking for. If they want casual they probably won't agree but if you're both looking for something more then this isn't an unrasonable conversation to have.

Cucy · 06/04/2025 23:22

He could have been out on a date but it’s just as likely that he was out with mates or watching a film and didn’t feel like talking much.

I think you’re overthinking it.

Arrange to meet up again a couple more times and then ask to be exclusive if that’s what you want.

Ablondiebutagoody · 07/04/2025 10:04

No texts for an evening is perfectly normal. I would say that the constant texting prior to that is the abnormal thing. Sounds like a chore. Maybe that's what he has decided

Original poster
hannahhm · 07/04/2025 10:10

Ablondiebutagoody · 07/04/2025 10:04

No texts for an evening is perfectly normal. I would say that the constant texting prior to that is the abnormal thing. Sounds like a chore. Maybe that's what he has decided

Lol.
Can you tell me where I have said “constant texting”?
I’ve said there would be a few messages and voice notes in the evening after work- instigated by him for the most part. We weren’t sending messages all day every day.

I agree no texts for an evening is normal. It was the change in behaviour I was questioning.

OP posts:
Original poster
hannahhm · 07/04/2025 10:14

MightAsWellBeGretel · 06/04/2025 22:48

Trust your gut, you can tell there's been a shift in energy since Friday.

I’m glad there are a few people who understand what I mean. It’s not that I expected him to be sending messages all the time.
It just felt a bit unusual that he was sending lots of messages on Friday daytime. My gut is that this is because he knew he’d be out with someone else in the evening so was getting in his chat when he could.
I think if he had a date, it went well. Which is why the few messages over the weekend he’s sent me weren’t the same as usual (they weren’t even anything worth responding to- screenshot of his stats at the gym, none of the messages were really anything like starting a conversation).

I think I’m just going to follow my gut, thanks to everyone that’s understood! I think OLD is a minefield and I don’t want to waste energy.

OP posts:
stealthninjamum · 07/04/2025 10:22

A similar thing happened to me. I dated someone a couple of times and things seemed to be going well.

We’d been chatting for a month and one night he went silent and then sent a message the next day saying he’d fallen asleep on the settee after a glass of wine.

But the energy had changed and I knew he’d been on a date. He cancelled our next date saying there was no spark. He hadn’t done anything wrong but it was disappointing.

op trust your instinct.

KrisAkabusi · 07/04/2025 10:29

Yet again on MN, a long thread, with lots of responses from people that don't actually know what's going on, that could be solved by HAVING A CONVERSATION!! If you want to know if he was on a date, ask him! We don't know.

I think I’m just going to follow my gut, thanks to everyone that’s understood! I think OLD is a minefield and I don’t want to waste energy.

Why are you following the advice of strangers instead of talking to the guy that you actually like? He might have been at football, or he might have been on a date. There's only one way to find out for sure, instead of throwing it away based on a feeling and a forum.

noidea69 · 07/04/2025 10:35

2 weeks in is a bit short to expect him to provide an explanation each time he has a night off from messaging you.