If you had the chance to put your Dc in private school, would you?

[Thisyeargflewby]

We may have the opportunity.

We are an average family, not hugely wealthy like some of the families (not all though)

Would you, it you could? If so, why?

If you have put your child in private school, what are your reasons for doing so?

I did - after two years of ruinous state education where DD was one of the quiet away with the clouds ones in a class of 35 it became necessary

best ever move for her - has helped her achieve her academic potential

I feel the same and we could afford to. I have been to both and private isn’t a better. There is such a strange fascination with private and it being a better option. I disagree totally.

“Several of them have very average jobs and are very mediocre as individuals. Over confident and arrogant with a lack of self awareness aren't things I particularly wish DS to aspire to.”

This! I see it all the time in the workplace. I think the excellent academic achievements can give adults a really warped view of their abilities outside of the private school bubble. I imagine it’s not great for their mental health when the penny drops either.

Or those who don't excel at sports (ie county level)

I’m a secondary supply teacher so visit many over the year. I wouldn’t send my dog to most of them. Most parents would be horrified if they really knew what a day at a conp was like. Hence I send my private albeit with a very good scholarship and bursary.

And our private school is very inclusive. Lots of neurodiversity (DDs best friend often has meltdowns in class), some county level sports, others very non sporty but many other clubs and interests celebrated. Each child is treated as an individual and their needs are catered for. Every teacher knows every child very well. Complete respect between teachers and pupils so no strict and ridiculous rules are needed. It’s a delight to supply there. I was there for 2 weeks and the naughtiest thing that happened was that a class played a prank on a teacher for April fool and they all moved their desks back a few cm everytime his back was turned. Everyone laughed about it

We could send our child to private school. We have kept her at our state school because it happens to be excellent and provides certain opportunities not available at any of the private schools in our area. If the school ever stopped working for her, we would move her. We live near an excellent school with strong parental support. It did take some strategizing and a lot of luck to be able to afford a home that gave us access.

We already have a relationship with one of the private schools because we have used them for summer and occasional extracurricular activities for years. They know DD and like her so if there is a spot open she would have a very good chance of admittance.

There are state schools just like this - they’re not all hell hole borstals

I used to think no I wouldn't. My kids are nearly finished school and I wish I had. They've got immaculate grades but it's the extra stuff that would have helped

Yes absolutely. It is dependent on the child and the local state school.
DC attends a highly rated state school, very bright but is waiting for ASD/adhd diagnosis and support. Had signs in primary but has gradually become a real challenge as he as moved from
primary to secondary. Has taken 2 years to get support and evidence for referral and thought hard, felt manageable until recently. School situation is now very difficult (inconsistent support to seat him near front, remind him of task when he zones out). He is achieving several grades lower than his predicted. Frequent detentions for zoning out, appearing rude (missing social cues), not doing enough work. 😞 Waiting list for support is 2 years by which time he will have finished. Will be getting private diagnosis, counselling and meds. £££& and only marginally quicker. It is school ie. almost everyday of life right now that doesn’t work for him and spills out into homelife.
If we had chosen private years ago, the small classes and familiar teaching team would have saved us from the very low place that we are in now. His personal situation means that a move now will be just as difficult (and selective schools won’t want him).
a crystal
ball a few year back would have been life changing. Now we are shovelling through shit trying to keep him in school and maintain MH.
In contrast youngest DC does attend indie school for SEN, is thriving and full of happy confidence about his prospects.
Not interested I. Private school for sale of high grades.. just want them reach potential and have good MH

No, not all are but many are. I should know as I work in many of them!

No i wouldn't. I would feel uncomfortable and I like the fact my kids mix with a range of people from different backgrounds and not cut off from this.

I don’t think my kids would appreciate it as they are in their 20s 😂

But seriously, I would have only if it was genuinely the best option for them. The class sizes could have been smaller to GCSE, but the state secondary they went to was ideal for them and they have gone on to thrive as young adults.

One caveat - this was a state school in an affluent area - the catchment was wide enough to make it diverse but no real problems with disruption / bullying. The private options were not especially highly regarded. Look closely at what all the options are really like.

No, because we are in an area with excellent grammar schools. Probably the same area as @arethereanyleftatall. Locally DC go to the private schools if they don’t pass the 11 plus.

DH got a job offer back where he grew up - the schools were not good so we would have paid for private schools there.

No. I really have a strong visceral reaction to private education, I'm deeply uncomfortable with it.

It's very traumatic having to move back from a private school to a state school.
People keep saying this, which makes me think, yes absolutely I would. Can you imagine switching jobs as an adult, and finding your new place traumatic, but having to go there for the next 5/7 years?! I don’t think we’d stick with that for ourselves, so why do our developing, anxious balls of hormones have to?!
As for the ethical issues- before it was benign vs state schools but now you’d be paying the additional tax contribution surely it’s more ethical to go private and give the state sector that boost?
For my DC it would entirely depend on the school, as some independents are pushy and hothousy which wouldn’t suit my one DC - other DC might actually thrive though, needs that kick up the arse lol - but the majority seem to focus on their excellent pastoral care, and being all round a lovely, calm, nurturing environment with more time for each student to learn and be heard.
This is possible in some state schools but we know the reality is not everywhere can offer this sadly. I’m not sure if this VAT will have the desired effect but all this debate is certainly publicising the benefits of independents in my view.

No chance. I have no doubt the education is better, but I want my kids to mix with a variety of people and I think that is an important part of education too. I also think if you're smart that it doesn't matter what school you go to, my DH was in a deprived area and has always been very successful, top marks in Universityand all through life. We are also lucky to live in a nice area so our state schools are all very good so when considering those other factors, I'd day it was the better option. I'd also rather put that money towards a house deposit for DC instead.

No. I went to one myself for a few years so I've seen both sides of things, and I wouldn't ever choose to send my kids to one.

I'd rather spend money outside of school hours letting the kids follow their interests and try new things.

State schools in our area are brilliant so I would say no, however I have one neurodivergent child who is unlikely to thrive in the state sector. We now have an EHCP but I am still doubtful she will manage secondsry in the state sector.

We have another who may also be neurodivergent and doesn't tend to do brilliantly with a large school like he has now.

The third is still very young but if I was doing two I would want to do the third.

if I had the money I would therefore do it in a heart beat.

No, we could afford to send ours but isn’t something we have a desire to do, it would also mean a reduction in sports, no swimming pool etc.

Yes. Teacher here in state school where in my opinion there is too much indiscipline detracting from learning. There will be less of it at private school and smaller classes. More opportunities too. Teaching may not always be better but more chance of learning taking place.

Well there are private schools and then there are private schools, so it would depend on that.
One child would probably have thrived, the other child who went to grammar would have hated it, so again, child dependent.
If it meant them boarding then absolutely not.

No. I don't believe in elitism.

I wouldn't but I'm very happy with the schools in my town and any private school would be far away (which is the only real obstacle as private schools can't charge tuition fees in my country so costs would be minimal for extras)

I would only do it if the fees were a drop in the ocean for me...i.e. I could pay for it while still having enough to pay for University for them (if they wanted to go) and give them a house deposit etc. as well as having a secure financial future for ourselves.

If local schools were so dire that I thought it was justified then I'd more likely move to another area because I doubt it would be just the schools that were a problem.

Huge caveat though that I've done no research, DS is luckily hard working and quite bright and has no special needs and schools round here are relatively good! We would have funds available but only if we stayed in our teeny house forever and would have to forego any savings for his future.