If you had the chance to put your Dc in private school, would you?

[Thisyeargflewby]

We may have the opportunity.

We are an average family, not hugely wealthy like some of the families (not all though)

Would you, it you could? If so, why?

If you have put your child in private school, what are your reasons for doing so?

You know she can read books at home too right?

We ignored the book band thing...

We can easily afford to but haven't. We figured we'd give state a go and see how they get on. It's much more convenient having them at a school a ten minute walk away and with local friends.

If we need to move to private later we will, but in the meantime we're putting the money saved aside for their house deposit later on. The way the housing market is I suspect the ability to get on the housing ladder in their 20s will make more of a difference to their life overall.

I looked at private schools and grammar schools. Preferred the grammar and they get better results. Also larger classes for more friendship opportunities. So private not always the best!

Never. Completely morally opposed to it. I’m living proof you can do well academically without paying a penny (and better than some on my degree course who must’ve spent silly money on their education). I don’t believe in leg ups, jobs from connections etc, it’s everything that’s wrong with society.

We did. Because from 8 specialist:

English
Maths
French
Ancient History/classics
Geography
Science
History

teaching at a top of the league tables school. He took the test and passed. It was a no brainer.

I -almost- totally agree with @jackiesgirl- my youngest is about to leave the state school that all 3 DC have gone to.

DC2 is exceptionally good at Maths, and when he enquired about getting any support with applying to Oxford and help writing his personal statement the Head of Maths rang me to say that due to the fact they were so inundated with everything, they would be unable to offer him any help. That was a little bit tough. Not that we had the money to send him to private school so it’s just theoretical, but I do feel sorry for him because the teaching he got was average and nothing was done to nurture his love of the subject.

No. GPs offered to pay but we politely declined.

Absolutely not. Having met products of private and public and state schools, state wins every time. State educated people are so so so much nicer.

Hard no. Essential for me that my DC mix with a range of children.

Both my children went. The oldest went at 14, previously in a good state school, but suffered gender and sexuality bullying and needed to move as school did nothing. I went private because it was the only place they could do the same GCSE’s. The pastoral care there was brilliant. Other child was told at 10, they were not really suitable for mainstream secondary school as SATS too low. The private school took them and they got 8 grade 6s at gcse. They needed a lot of extra help but got a rounded education and made brilliant friends.
IMO it does depend where you live and the quality / availability of schooling.

it totally depends on the private school. I don’t understand the attitude that you just pay any school and it’s superior to state school- seems really naive

No.

DS was going through a really difficult point at primary and he and his mate were being bullied. We seriously looked into alternative options. We have friends with kids at private school who are doing amazingly well.

BUT they don't have many friends and much of a social life because they live so far from their class mates. That makes things tough.

And they aren't doing amazingly better than other friends kids who have gone to the local high school. So where's the benefit ultimately!

DS currently has a very close friend who he's exceeding close to. In the end we felt we'd ultimately do more harm to them both if we moved him. It's a friendship we feel is likely to be one of those that runs from nursery to the end of school. It's a rare thing and he's so lucky to have it. We feel that's something that you can't buy.

He has lots of opportunities outside school. We do our best to facilitate them. If he went private he'd actually lose out on a lot of these because of how much time he'd spend travelling to and from school. Yes he could do some things in private school but not all. It wouldn't be a step up, just a step sideways.

I am unconvinced that private school is the great networking opportunity many suggest either. Those who I know who went private really don't have those contacts. Several of them have very average jobs and are very mediocre as individuals. Over confident and arrogant with a lack of self awareness aren't things I particularly wish DS to aspire to.

The class sizes and the attention sound appealing but it also narrows the pool of people you can socialise with - both as acquaintances and as friends. There's a kid around the corner who was in my son's class. He was pulled out and sent private. Poor kid just hangs out with his older brother now and is reliant on mum taking him everywhere. He really could have done with socialising with kids from a range of backgrounds (various specific reasons) but instead his world has got narrower.

Meanwhile bullying over - DSs confidence is great. His friend is a massive part of that. They are so positive and supportive of each other. He's a bit of an oddfish but he feels he belongs all the same. I can't tell you how much I wish I'd had that at his age.

There's moments we wobble and think 'what if' but no I don't he'd benefit enough to make it worthwhile.

This is how I feel. Though it’s easy to say ‘no’ when you’ve got a very academic child who’s done extremely well at school ‘despite’ being in a standard comprehensive and is now at Oxford uni.
I have a sneaking suspicion that if my child been really struggling in his comprehensive, or had special educational needs that weren’t being met at his school, then if I’d had the money I’d have sacrificed my principles and gone private. I would absolutely hate that I had to though. I want all kids to have access to high quality education.

no

We did. Our state options were pretty depressing and we were lucky enough to have an excellent independent school relatively close by and we could afford it.

Smaller class sizes (particularly for DS who would have struggled in a class of 30x children), lots of sport which was important for DC, opportunities for drama and music. Teachers that really cared about the children and had time to get to know them personally. Specialist teachers/lessons from fairly early on. Doing well was celebrated and aspirational rather than being seen as being a ‘geek’ or a ‘try hard’. Very few behaviour issues. Encouragement to try things, go ‘off piste’ with the timetable, trips, speakers and links with the local community. A mix of children from different families/backgrounds and culturally diverse.

We were lucky and both DC did really well and had a great school experience. But there are good and bad private schools and good and bad state schools. It’s a huge commitment so you have to be sure that you’re getting value for money.

yes - I would love for them to have the benefit of smaller classes and more individual attention. But I couldn’t afford to send them both without major sacrifices

It depends on what is meant by "opportunity"

If it was pay for it ourselves (we did) I would - and did Or if I couldn't pay for it myself but applied for and got good financial aid, I would. If it was have a grandparent pay for it and get a say in schools/education, I would probably pass.

Both DDs are in a London prep school. We were financially in a position to do it without any sacrifices and still able to fund extras like holidays, decent house and uni & housing costs. Small class sizes of about 12, support for teaching (lots of sessions led by specialist teachers and TAs). Curriculum includes ballet for all pupils, PE 3 times a week, specialist art, science, French and music teachers/facilities, overnight residentials from Year 3, enrichment clubs for all year groups 5 days a week, after school childcare available with a request on the day, 11+ prep with their whole cohort instead of doing it on their own with a tutor. Lovely parent community who are all well-educated and comfortable, with similar educational values.

Local primary schools are good but don't offer anywhere near the experience. We plan to send dds to an independent secondary when they are older. Grammar schools don't exist in central London areas and although there are outstanding comps with good results, the class sizes are far bigger and the facilities are nowhere near as nice, so the private offers a much more pleasant experience.

I don't think the economic realities or society in general is going to get any easier in the next 20 years so no matter how principled I am about equality and equal opportunity for all, I've come to terms with belt a hypocrite if it means my kids has a better chance of being a have rather than a have not.

I agree switch things getting harder but wonder if private school will be seen in a negative light.

Slightly different, but I am trying to get my daughter into an independent private SEN school. The difference between council and independent is massive. So yes.

For me the 30k a yr per dc would be noticed & Im not sure how much value it would add as dc are bright & we have good state options. If it was cheaper or someone else paid I would consider.

DS went to private school, he was bright and loved sport so was the right fit for him. He’s no shrinking violet but would have been happy to just mooch along. Unfortunately the pandemic and DH and I both having serious health conditions during his crucial years meant he probably didn’t achieve what he was capable of but he did far better than anticipated.
The fit was good because he was surrounded by other bright, slightly geeky children, even the popular ones.

Distraction was not tolerated and there was a zero tolerance with behaviour. Bullying was low level and DS loved school. The friends he made are likely to be lifelong and he continues to play the sport he loves. Although an injury put him out for the last 18mnths. He is currently sporting a lovely black eye after playing yesterday. But he happily plays for a team where he was a newcomer, only knowing a couple of other players.
There is definitely a comfortable confidence in social situations which was definitely encouraged from an early age. His uni mates were surprised that he was privately educated but his school are careful discourage arrogance and elitism. Even the uniform was understated ( not always popular with some parents who would have liked fancy caps and blazers).
But by far the biggest benefit was the huge variety of extracurricular activities, particularly sport, with something for everyone. I think the greatest loss to state schools was the sport back in the 1980s when teachers went on strike and refused to support extracurricular sport. It wiped out any opportunity for children who didn’t have the support of parents to become involved. Sadly school sports never fully recovered.

Getting our children in good boarding schools was the best decision we could make for them education and networking wise. We made sure we had plenty of time during school holidays together, but zero regrets.

No I didn't. They went to local Comp ( takes pupils from Inner City and further out.) Didn't stop them going to Russell Group Uni / Oxbridge.

I chose a Comp because I think it is very helpful in life and in most careers, if you have met a wide range of people and got on with them. I wanted them to have their eyes opened to how all sorts of people live their lives. It has helped them both a lot in being able to relate to all comers in their chosen professions.

No. Our local state school gets very good exam results and is generally very supportive. One of my friends has just moved their child from the private school to the state school where she is much happier. I would have considered the private school if either of my kids was unhappy at the state school. Dd got 9s and a couple of 8s in her gcses and straight As in her A levels. Neither of my kids is interested in sport which is the main advantage of the private school. I think you should base your decision on which school is the best fit for your child.