DD friend is a furry/therian. Trying to encourage (strongly) my DD to be the same.

[Sockmate123]

What would you do in this situation? Child in class is 'recruiting' other children (mainly very quiet children) to be furries. She says she is a therian and presents as a wolf. School has banned her wearing wolf items to school but she still does on party days/world book day/non uniform etc
Parents seem to do littke about it
Quite older parents. Children are 10. My DD has so far not engaged but likes the child involved but is being pressured. It was her birthday recently and friend bought her a tail 🙄

I think this is completely weird. Child digs holes at lunch time, barks at people etc cute/acceptable up until age 5 or 6 but not girls that are on the cusp of puberty!

AIBU?
Yes- she's only a kid, will spon grow out of it.
No - its weird, school and parents should do more to address it

At my ASD child’s school the cat-boy behavior was contagious. At first, many classmates “hated” the cat behavior … then they started to copy it.

My NT child had a girl who became a witch. I didn’t know til after a sleepover when she tried to get my DD to become one. My DD was very uncomfortable as which was doing spells on friends and depositing “trinkets” of shoplifted cheap earrings behind furniture. At school DD started to have to ignore this girl. Witchcraft! Eff-that - it’s furry by another name. Children wishing to escape themselves - they need help.

You have assumed that this child is neurodivergent but have no idea if this is the case.

The recommended parenting is not ‘bullying’ but behaving like any normal parent supporting their child to navigate childhood, stay in touch with reality and grow up to be an adult who can cope with adult life.

You’re so close to grasping the point that is currently passing overhead.

The responses that you find ‘dramatic’ are not just because a little kid wants to play dress up. If it was just that the OP’s daughter had been bought a fancy dress costume and invited to prance around the playground pretending to be a unicorn at lunch time, then it might raise an eyebrow or two, but it’s not really going to be a massive concern.

What people are being ‘dramatic’ about is that this child has clearly been permitted to access material that can very easily stray into a level completely unsuitable for children, and that she is encouraging the OP’s daughter to explore that with her. You understand that it’s concerning that the child knows the term ‘Therian’. Can you really not understand why most parents would not want their child within a million miles of this sort of crap? Why parents would not react with some sort of alarm?

if she’d said she wanted to be a boy, nobody would be angry or have any problems with it Actually, lots of us would have a problem with it and would be explaining the concepts of gender based restrictions and social contagion in an age appropriate way. I don’t agree with labelling a child for any reason. She’s at the mercy of the adults around her, and my anger would be directed at them.

Very well said. This child apparently is not allowed to play games such a roblox etc but seems to be given access to/bought books relating to Therians. I do not believe the child to be ND (i am not an expert in this area but have worked a little with ND children and my own child is ND). On the subject of trans or lesbianism, yes she has said for the past year she was a lesbian and was 'dating' another furry in the class

I’m not disagreeing with you

Didn't rtft yet but I didn't want to not reply. My DD and some friends did this last year at age 9 and 10. They suddenly decided they were cats. They had races around on all 4s, they bought masks and painted them and spent weeks making tails, weaving from bits of old wool. The word therian was used and they talked a bit about their connection with their animal but at all times it was acknowledged that it was make believe. It was innocent and harmless. Us parents were a bit concerned but we decided to let them off but with restrictions, you can wear the tail at home but not out etc. Thankfully at no point did DD say she really was a cat. One day I took them all to the woods and let them run wild, being cats for a while. They climbed trees and miaowed a lot and it was just fun. Then they just grew out of it and that was that. No harm done. If it becomes a forbidden thing it will only be pursued more. I think OPs DD can wear the tail in play if she enjoys that but at no point should it be acknowledged that it is anything other than play. If the other child insists DD really is a wolf or whatever that's the time to pull back.

I think most people would find it concerning if a girl started saying she was a boy.

The fact that lots of them are currently saying it makes it more concerning, not less.

@Dontlletmedownbruce were they accessing the internet on this or was that one of your restrictions. Allowed to take the play into school?

err no - if she was saying that, a responsible parent would be explaining to her that she cannot biologically be a boy and will need to accept that she is not in the wrong body. Just as she is not in the body of a fucking toy animal.

@crumblingschools they had very limited Internet access and weren't allowed watch Therian stuff, but they did manage to at one point, that's where they got the name and I don't know which kid started it, but the online stuff was restricted straight away. They certainly never felt like they were part of a community, I think that's where it gets tricky. The play did spill into the school yard but they weren't allowed bring their masks or tails so it was no different to any other child's game at play time, they were running and miaowing etc. They didn't ever refuse to engage on the basis that they weren't human, it was just their play phase they went through. One by one they pulled away and DD was the last one standing for a few weeks. Thankfully she quickly moved onto a Taylor swift obsession. They did get teased a bit in school, and some kids called them furries and used to miaow when they walked past. They were upset at the time but are embarrassed now as it still comes up with some of the meaner kids over a year later.

This is quite concerning. You mention that this child is currently 10 so is obviously being exposed to concepts of adult sexuality that are utterly inappropriate for her age. The parents sound like they are attempting to set reasonable boundaries re online games etc but are clearly very naive.

I think you would be very sensible to encourage your daughter to find other friends who are not persistently trying to encourage her to do things that a) she is not comfortable with and b) open her up to a dangerous area favoured by paedophiles and groomers.

I feel like a bad person for thinking that this furry deserves a bit of bullying

I think the furry needs some proper parenting. Yet again school will be trying to pick up the pieces

Part of the issue here is that the child is pressuring dd to play this when she’s not keen and the other issue is that ‘therianism’ is a whole adult world of porn and sexual things totally inappropriate to children.

I don’t think it at all sane to allow a child to participate in an activity that is a few small clicks away from related porn and images of CSA.

I wonder how many are aware if the recent ‘furry’ conference held up north where the organisers had to warn participants not to leave soiled adult nappies (yes, there is a tie up with Adult ‘diaper’ fetish) in the rooms?

@Dontlletmedownbruce were you worried what they might have seen on the internet when looking up Therian, even if they only looked it up once?

Have a word with the school to share your concerns. I wouldn’t encourage an out of school friendship with this child. Explain to your child that this other child has some problems.

If my daughter said she thought she was a boy I’d either think she was joking or that something had gone wrong in her head and I’d ignore it while keeping a vigilant eye on her.
Id also make very clear that she can’t possibly thinks she’s “ a boy “because she doesn’t know what being a boy actually feels like. Only a boy knows what being a boy feels like. I’d explain appropriation of gender if she persisted, as being as toxic as cultural appropriation.
given that people that ‘change gender’ are as miserable after the change as they were before, it’s a diversion tactic at best, until default settings of feeling out of sorts are resumed. Some people aren’t happy in their skin, it doesn’t mean their skin is wrong.

@crumblingschools at the time they told us other kids their age were dressing up as cats and making videos and wanted to make their own, i said no and thats when i heard the word therian. I don't think they saw anything dodgy, I think if they had they wouldn't have thought it was such fun. Then they were restricted further so couldn't look it up again. I genuinely didn't know it had any sexual connotations myself until much later I saw something about furries. I just didn't want them DD watching dumb YouTube videos.

The thing is, most adults including me don't know about these fetish things. How on earth would we? I don't go online at all, I only use Mumsnet and have no SM. It's very troubling that a child could be exposed to something adult and disturbing without parents realising, not because they are negligent or inappropriate but because they simply don't know.

I don't knoe much about furries I havent come into contact with any kids that are.
But ai am curious as to when it crosses from imaginative play to being a furry. Don't all kids pretend and dress up, at what point does it go from play to full furry. Curious as I don't understand it at all.

How on earth is this "making teachers' lives hell"? I have never heard a teacher say this.

Jesus Christ. This is how you approach neurodiversity?

It's not "absolute madness". It's a child playing make believe.

Best to bully these neurodivergent kids, and encourage our kids to avoid them because they're "weird", so.

Nope.

Jesus fucking Christ